The couch thread

[dead man walking]

bee-bub,

i see barry is elitely fit.

[T200]

It really speaks volumes of the ridiculous money one can make cert-ing @Fags in shit that Barry Sears is gonna take over those nutrition gigs.

[Beelzebub]

bee-bub,

i see barry is elitely fit.

You can see that a diet high in fran and 45 minute wods ages you faster then a 2 dollar whore, working 20 hour days, living off of homemade bathtub gin. Barry is actually 26 years.

[Alfred_E._Neuman]

My apologies for the use of wit over hate. My time off from here seems to have let whatever hate I did have dwindle. Now it seems to be just amusement.

Like you, my hate for @f was waning from white hot to merely a deep loathing. No new ass hats were presenting themselves as fuel for my hate. We all knew cooch was a womanizing alcoholic. We all knew Castro, Budding, and the rest were fuck chops. We all knew @f itself was garbage for idiots with training ADD and a need to inflict some self punishment for living the good life.

Barry Cooper has single handedly re-stoked the furnace of my hate with his long winded bullshit. He brings a new level of cooch worship. He's bought the @f cult hook line and sinker. He's obviously a fat alcoholic himself. And he can out write Steven King, so he's a constanct source of gasoline for my hate fire.

[powerlifter54]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-BnqtIF7kY

"That shit is harder than reading supertraining by Mel Siff"

"Does L Ron Hubbard stand up in the back of a f'in Tom Cruise movie and yell "that is Tom's movie about being a Nazi""

AWESOME

[Mickey O'neil]

Fuck, I've been gone for a week and now I've got like 10 or so pages to catch up on.

Have I mentioned how much I hate fagfit?

[Sandman]

463 pages on this shit, unbelievable. The costs of the certs and the number of them can be directly attributed to the fact that we have no natural predators and now must figure out and often pay for new ways to get tired. Xfit happens to be the goofiest and most overhyped of the bunch.

[POD]

http://www.board.crossfit.com/showpost. ... ostcount=9

I will give you what I THINK is areas of responsibility

Dave/Nicole are in charge of training

Yeah, I can't even remember the last time we got a Mainpage picture of Nicole. Apparently she's too busy co-directing Training. Clearly, the current HQ set-up is an abject failure. =D

"Co-directing?" So that's what they call it nowadays?



Barry is a boring motherfucker. That's all.

[Sofa King]

Nicole's ass is something to behold in person, as was Annie Sakimoto's.
Both stunning. I don't think I want to see Nicole's now as it has been through the coochinator.

[Damien]

I just watched Spider Man 3 again. It’s not the greatest movie, but it does deal a lot with sin and redemption. The quote at the end is good: “Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we could always choose to do what’s right.”

Now, in your view, you are making the best decision you can based on what you hold dear. In my view, so is Coach Glassman. Where does that leave us? Should he have abandoned Dave Castro?

[Holy Cow]

I just watched Spider Man 3 again. It’s not the greatest movie, but it does deal a lot with sin and redemption. The quote at the end is good: “Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we could always choose to do what’s right.”

Now, in your view, you are making the best decision you can based on what you hold dear. In my view, so is Coach Glassman. Where does that leave us? Should he have abandoned Dave Castro?

Mission accomplished.

That middle-aged man's philosophical worldview is best articulated through analogy with Spider-Man 3. And he's one of Cooch's most vocal apologists?

Awesome.

[Botototo]

Mission accomplished.

That middle-aged man's philosophical worldview is best articulated through analogy with Spider-Man 3. And he's one of Cooch's most vocal apologists?

"Unless I get lung cancer, I don't think I am ever going to give up my pipe. I was sitting there, happily reading my William James, and it hit me why people keep arguing against high rep O-lifts. My mind often works like that."

Yes. Yes it does.

[nafod]

I just watched Spider Man 3 again. It’s not the greatest movie, but it does deal a lot with sin and redemption. The quote at the end is good: “Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we could always choose to do what’s right.”

Somebody ask Barry howcome Spiderman doesn't shoot webs out of his ass like a real spider. That's what I want to know.

[Alfred_E._Neuman]

I just watched Spider Man 3 again. It’s not the greatest movie, but it does deal a lot with sin and redemption. The quote at the end is good: “Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. My friend Harry taught me that. He chose to be the best of himself. It’s the choices that make us who we are, and we could always choose to do what’s right.”

Somebody ask Barry howcome Spiderman doesn't shoot webs out of his ass like a real spider. That's what I want to know.

Barry's answer: CrossFit. CrossFit is the answer to everything. Invented and perfected by couch.

Don't you dare question why couch in all his infinate wisdom had Spiderman's web come out of his wrists in the movie and not at all in the comic.

And if you question couch again, he'll unleash an avelanch of words on you that will seize your computer cold. Because he has all that free time from not working out.

[Really Big Strong Guy]

Nicole's ass is something to behold in person, as was Annie Sakimoto's.
Both stunning. I don't think I want to see Nicole's now as it has been through the coochinator.

You can't just say that without someone posting pics for Christ's sake. God Lord man, you're cruel.

[WildGorillaMan]

I notice that a lot of the @fit starlets of yesterday have dropped out of sight, no longer paraded around on the Mainpage.

Have they quit training? Were they injured? Were they excommunicated for heresy? Have they grown facial hair and Adam's Andro-Apples and have to be kept locked up in the broom closets of their affiliate box like the regressive throwback relative in some Edgar Allen Poe short story?

Where are the missing @fit Poster Girls?

[Gin Master]

Is the cooch beholden to the asstro or is asstro just OT VIII?

You're not that far off.

@CouchGlassman
Broad time and modal domains are no longer adequate. We now seek to control MEST. Level 1 certs will include auditing starting in 2010.

[TerryB]

Where are the missing @fit Poster Girls?

This is a great question. If Cultfit made them so awesome 3-4 years ago, imagine how INSANELY ELITE they must be now!!

I'm sure the excuse is, they don't train as hard anymore b/c they're too busy with the Business. That's Glassman's excuse, remember. Too busy lording over the empire to, you know, train.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

The initial 3 XF girls.

Eva T: Still training. Sometimes puts out a calendar. Despite her being the most well known legit athletic name in @F, she was obviously passed over for admin positions, perhaps because she wouldn't fuck couch, but know knows. Maybe she didn't want anything like that.

Annie S: Started having babies. For many, this stabilizes their family position, and they no longer are interested in the sorts of hijinks that are surrounding HQ these days.

Eva has a blog somewhere. I think she's still a CF trainer.

Nicole C: First Budding, then apparently couch and Castro. Got the admin gig at @FHQ, but now is apparently secondary to Castro.

All three were eclipsed by Allison NYC, whose built for comfort, not speed, body reminded @F men everywhere that they preferred girls with breasts and asses.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIjeHrsD2S0[/youtube]

This is a great little clip of couch.

1. No visible muscle in arms.
2. A gut. bloated face.
3. incoherent alcoholic rambling

The clip itself is a small piece of couch hate, but doesn't focus on the important things, just some bullshit couch said.

[Gin Master]

Where are the missing @fit Poster Girls?

This is a great question. If Cultfit made them so awesome 3-4 years ago, imagine how INSANELY ELITE they must be now!!

I'm sure the excuse is, they don't train as hard anymore b/c they're too busy with the Business. That's Glassman's excuse, remember. Too busy lording over the empire to, you know, train.

Silly bastard. Couch has a multi-google-zillion dollar contract with the military to provide them with super soldiers. With every new batch of human cyborgs, Couch spins off a couple to mind the store while the rest are deployed to train the warfighterz.

[TerryB]

Remember, Couch revolutionized fitness by teaching us (thanks, Couch!) about the Fourth Dimension of Training: fitness includes health over time. The Fourth Dimension. He took Three-Dimensions, inverted them, rotated it, and added a Fourth Dimension. HOly Shit! This is amazing stuff.

Anyway, by this metric, the Three Gals o' Glassman (built by Cultfit), not to mention the Original Cultfitter himself, should be the healthiest motherfuckers on the planet.

[Gin Master]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIjeHrsD2S0[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kqr60oM4JtU[/youtube]

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Ah yes. That infamous bullshit of the chart, and then couch rotating it around the axis saying that this is true, XF style fitness, and the hordes of people saying how genius this was.

Unfortunately, all that really did was give that particular graph some sort of imaginary volume. In the real world, it means absolutely fucking nothing.

[Alfred_E._Neuman]

Where are the missing @fit Poster Girls?

This is a great question. If Cultfit made them so awesome 3-4 years ago, imagine how INSANELY ELITE they must be now!!

I'm sure the excuse is, they don't train as hard anymore b/c they're too busy with the Business. That's Glassman's excuse, remember. Too busy lording over the empire to, you know, train.

I'm guessing they've been eclipsed in performance by the current crop of super-andro shemales we see from the gaymes and in looks by titsNYC. So they've retreated into the money counting end of things.