The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

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Fat Cat
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The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Tue Nov 17, 2020 5:51 pm

Alright, I've been in a pretty dark place about endless COVID-19 shutdowns recently and as a result, I've watched The Unbelievable Ronnie Coleman about seven times while riding my Airdyne. Watching him choke down 6 lbs. of chicken breast a day one (a few) too many times, I've spent a lot of time thinking about his untamed love for KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce. I knew things had gone too far when I found myself making BBQ chicken for my Sunday meal prep, but goddamn if it's not hard to find a good sauce out here in the Pineapple Islands.

And that's why I'm here. Friends, I need your help.

So, to the vaunted brain-trust of IGX, I ask a simple but pressing question. How the fuck do you make a good BBQ sauce, one that doesn't have HFCS in it, that tastes legit and can freeze or at least keep in the fridge for a while. HELP.

Also, let me be clear, I am talking about a proper Kansas City or similar type sauce, do not come at me with that Alabama mayonnaise shit or some fucked up South Carolina mustard slather because I will fucking kill you.
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Schlegel » Tue Nov 17, 2020 10:36 pm

This is a question that pits brother against brother, and tears nations apart.

Already what you seek will brand you a heretic to followers of the Old Ways.
"Why do we need a kitchen when we have a phone?"

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by syaigh » Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:00 pm

This here:
Modified Kansas City BBQ society BBQ sauce (sweet)

2 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium vidalia onions chopped (MUST BE VIDALIA OR SWEET ONIONS)
2 tbsp olive oil

Sautee onions and garlic in oil until soft.

Add:

1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp Worcestershire
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 cups ketchup
1 cup water
1 tsp vinegar
1/2 tsp salt.

Simmer 15-20 minutes, let cool and puree.

Sometimes I only add a half cup of water. Simmer until its relatively thick, the most important part being that the sugar dissolves and the vinegar mellows some.

If you want a good NC bbq recipe, I'll share, but its vinegar based and might cause you to take up arms.
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:08 pm

Schlegel wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 10:36 pm
This is a question that pits brother against brother, and tears nations apart.
My body is ready nigga, regulators RIDE.
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:09 pm

syaigh wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:00 pm
This here:
Modified Kansas City BBQ society BBQ sauce (sweet)

2 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium vidalia onions chopped (MUST BE VIDALIA OR SWEET ONIONS)
2 tbsp olive oil

Sautee onions and garlic in oil until soft.

Add:

1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp Worcestershire
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 cups ketchup
1 cup water
1 tsp vinegar
1/2 tsp salt.

Simmer 15-20 minutes, let cool and puree.

Sometimes I only add a half cup of water. Simmer until its relatively thick, the most important part being that the sugar dissolves and the vinegar mellows some.

If you want a good NC bbq recipe, I'll share, but its vinegar based and might cause you to take up arms.
This looks like it has all the right moves, except can I use molasses instead of brown sugar? I'm prejudiced. Actually, I am prejudiced, but the real reason is try to avoid sugar.

Additional questions, and yes I will make this, do you brown the onions and garlic or do you just soften them? And what's the total yield? Like 2 cups? Finally, if you had to store it, how would you?
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by baffled » Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:12 pm

Schlegel wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 10:36 pm
This is a question that pits brother against brother, and tears nations apart.

Already what you seek will brand you a heretic to followers of the Old Ways.
My first thought, having started my life in Texas and experienced real BBQ™, is that this thread will likely end this forum forever. Perfect ending to 2020, I suppose.
Whoever would overthrow the Liberty of a Nation, must begin by subduing the Freeness of Speech
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:13 pm

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Sangoma » Wed Nov 18, 2020 12:13 am

I personally like South African Monkey Gland Sauce:

Ingredients
1 whole Onion, Diced
1 teaspoon Garlic, Diced
½ cup of Water
1 400gr canned Tomatoes
1 cup Tomato Sauce
½ cup Worcestershire Sauce
¾ cup Fruit Chutney
⅓ cup Sugar
1 teaspoon Tabasco Sauce
2 Tablespoons White Wine Vinegar
2 Tablespoons Oil, For Frying

Instructions
Empty the canned tomatoes into a blender and pulse in short bursts until you have small chunks.
In a pot over medium heat with some oil, cook the onions and garlic until soft.
Add all the rest of the ingredients, stir thoroughly to combine and heat through.
Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30–40 minutes.
Serve generous lashings on a beautifully cooked steak or burger.
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Nov 18, 2020 12:18 am

What kind of fucked up recipe mixes metric and freedom units? Watter soort swart-Afrikaanse towery is dit?
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by syaigh » Wed Nov 18, 2020 12:40 pm

Fat Cat wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:09 pm
syaigh wrote:
Tue Nov 17, 2020 11:00 pm
This here:
Modified Kansas City BBQ society BBQ sauce (sweet)

2 cloves garlic, minced
2 medium vidalia onions chopped (MUST BE VIDALIA OR SWEET ONIONS)
2 tbsp olive oil

Sautee onions and garlic in oil until soft.

Add:

1 cup brown sugar
2 tsp Worcestershire
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 cups ketchup
1 cup water
1 tsp vinegar
1/2 tsp salt.

Simmer 15-20 minutes, let cool and puree.

Sometimes I only add a half cup of water. Simmer until its relatively thick, the most important part being that the sugar dissolves and the vinegar mellows some.

If you want a good NC bbq recipe, I'll share, but its vinegar based and might cause you to take up arms.
This looks like it has all the right moves, except can I use molasses instead of brown sugar? I'm prejudiced. Actually, I am prejudiced, but the real reason is try to avoid sugar.

Additional questions, and yes I will make this, do you brown the onions and garlic or do you just soften them? And what's the total yield? Like 2 cups? Finally, if you had to store it, how would you?
Yes, molasses would be fine, but I'd only add in a half cup at first and add it back to taste at the end. You can soften the onions and garlic, or you can caramelize the crap out of the onions for a sweeter, darker taste. If you want to cut sugar, I'd experiment with adding even more onions, caramelized to a deep brown, and then minimally adding molasses. Its flavor is a bit stronger than brown sugar, but if you dig it, you dig it. This keeps forever in the fridge in just a plastic container or a jar. The higher the sugar content, the better it will keep, but a squeeze bottle (especially one you can store upside down) will prevent any wee nasties from colonizing your stash.
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by syaigh » Wed Nov 18, 2020 12:45 pm

Of course it should go without saying that a good brine and/or rub will make your chicken far more flavorful than just grilling it. I brine my chicken breasts in 2 quarts of water with a half cup of sugar and a half cup of salt for two hours. Sometimes I add some paprika, onion powder, and garlic powder as well, but it makes them incredibly moist. I have smoked them or grilled them this way. A good opposite technique is to pound them out to just under an inch thick and season with salt and oil and grill them for only a few minutes on each side. This gives you moist chicken that is definitely not overcooked. Both methods decrease how much chewing effort you have to put in to eating the chicken.

For the record, I did a year and a half of high protein macros for a figure prep and the thought of even chewing meat sometimes still strikes fear into my heart and these preparations soothe my soul.
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Nov 18, 2020 5:33 pm

syaigh wrote:
Wed Nov 18, 2020 12:45 pm
For the record, I did a year and a half of high protein macros for a figure prep and the thought of even chewing meat sometimes still strikes fear into my heart and these preparations soothe my soul.
Mahalo for the cooking tips, I will be trying this out shortly. I try to keep my protein high, but mix it up between different things to avoid exactly this type of revulsion.
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Grandpa's Spells » Wed Nov 18, 2020 9:05 pm

I like different sauces depending on what's cooking, except for mustard or mayo-based sauces. I had a good mustard one in Charleston but still like the others more.

If you can order it, Lillie's Q makes a variety of sauces from the different regions that at extremely good. Carolina red sauces with more vinegar can be great on pork.

Aaron Franklin FTW for a solid ketchup-based recipe. I haven't made it but it's Aaron Franklin:
https://www.masterclass.com/articles/aa ... -rib-sauce
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Nov 18, 2020 9:28 pm

The Aaron Franklin one looks nearly identical to Syaigh's. He prolly stole it from her.

As for what I will use it on, most likely chicken and ribs. The chicken for me for week lunches, the ribs for the family on Sundays. I'm also gonna make a point of sampling some proper Texas brisket when I get to Austin because I have never had good brisket, it always seems dry and unappealing but I know people aren't stupid. There has to be something to it I'm missing.
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Kazuya Mishima » Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:19 pm

Fuck ya'll niggas...SBR is DA BESSSSSS

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Kazuya Mishima » Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:25 pm

"It's SWEET BABY RAY'S, my son...yeah, that shit full of high fructose corn syrup but that ain't slow me down...you hear how I be lovin' yo fine ass mama down err night."

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Fat Cat » Fri Nov 20, 2020 11:23 pm

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Officer Coleman ain't tryna hear that.
Last edited by Fat Cat on Mon Nov 23, 2020 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by motherjuggs&speed » Sat Nov 21, 2020 4:42 am

I have lived long enough to observe all manner of insane depravity, but until this thread I had no idea that anyone would make BBQ sauce with mustard or mayo.

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Re: The Riddle of BBQ Sauce

Post by Grandpa's Spells » Mon Nov 23, 2020 2:44 pm

motherjuggs&speed wrote:
Sat Nov 21, 2020 4:42 am
I have lived long enough to observe all manner of insane depravity, but until this thread I had no idea that anyone would make BBQ sauce with mustard or mayo.
The road to Alabama is a path to many culinary tastes some consider to be unnatural.
One of the downsides of the Internet is that it allows like-minded people to form communities, and sometimes those communities are stupid.

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