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IGX "...overflowing with foulmouthed ignorance."
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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 7:23 pm 
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Quote:
Quote:
The e-book should detail how you build levels of weed-carriers and deniability in between you and the sorority girl busted for a blunt. If you're moving 300 pounds, you should probably have looked into distribution schemes that don't lead directly back to you.
You can't expect him to know all that. He's only Level I certified.
=D> =D> =D> =D>

Crossfit for Bail!

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:08 pm 
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For 10 grand you get homemade paleo pot brownies, a WOD while high and his own tips on recovery under the influence.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 8:57 pm 
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Quote:
That answers that question.

Weed is paleo
And shrooms, presumably.

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:09 pm 
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And shrooms, presumably.
That's a given. Even the "good" ones


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 09, 2012 10:28 pm 
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Video couch sighting from (edit) Saturday's mainpage:
http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/Cros ... gieMan.wmv
http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/008469.html

The background guy in the red shirt at 2:55 is obviously cracking up at couch when he states that THERE ARE NO BAD @F GYMS ANYWHERE.

Dude has aged quite a bit in the last several years.

Not very many comments, curiously...


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 1:47 am 
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The life of an chronic substance abuser leads to that kind of look? I am glad as fuck weed is paleo


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 4:29 am 
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Quote:
My HQ sources tell me there will be an event(s) at Camp Pendleton, with the favored athletes getting a heads-up on the details of the event, maybe even some practice time.

Moral of the story: If you're just learning of this now, you're not their favorite. :finga:
Well, will you look at that . . .
Quote:
Wednesday, July 11th is now a full day of competition for the men and women. Four scored events await the athletes off-site from the Home Depot Center at the U.S. Marine base, Camp Pendleton.
. . .
Castro explained the first event of the 2012 Reebok CrossFit Games would be a swim, bike, run event at Camp Pendleton. The race starts with a 700-meter ocean swim with fins, followed by an 8-kilometer bike ride across undulating terrain and soft sand, and finishes with a 11.3-kilometer run across steep hills and more than 427 meters of elevation gain.
. . .
After about an hour of rest, athletes will complete the Camp Pendleton School of Infantry Obstacle Course. They will race against each other head-to-head in a three-round bracketed tournament.
I wonder who's had a chance to try the obstacle course already?

Quote:
Having a fourth day of competition early in the week is both completely unprecedented, yet fully within the CrossFit Games core premise of being prepared for the unknown and unknowable.
"Unknown and unknowable" . . . provided you aren't in the know. :finga:


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:09 pm 
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As if the freaking GHD situp med ball throw didn't give enough LULZ...
http://games.crossfit.com/article/major ... ndividuals
Quote:
If that wasn’t enough, one more piece of the competition was revealed to the athletes. The Friday night Individual event in the Stadium was announced.

The workout is three rounds for time of:
8 Medicine ball cleans (150/80lbs)
100-foot Medicine ball carry
7 Parallette handstand push-ups
100-foot Medicine ball carry
If I'm reading that right, it's a 150# MEDICINE BALL CLEAN. They really take this shit serious! :partyman:

As is obvious, they don't want to use Atlas stones to avoid comparison, and they would hate to use something better suited for the movement, like maybe a sandbag. A 150# med ball is IMO, completely anathema to the point of what med balls are good for in the first place.

That's all beside the point of spending over *$500* on a goddam med ball anyway...
http://www.prowriststraps.com/150_lb_12 ... icine_ball


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:48 pm 
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That's a big goddamn med ball. Holy hell that's asinine.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 2:48 pm 
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a keg, sandbag, atlas stone...all smarter, cheaper, field tested options

But I guess you never know when you might be in the hills of Afghanistan and have to quickly pick up a big ball and bring it to chest level then drop it immediately. Tactical.

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:16 pm 
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On the note of the obnoxious med ball cleans, considering no one other than the "testers" hand-picked by HQ have done med ball cleans that heavy at this point...it may be strikingly obvious form-wise who has had a chance to practice the movement early...if one were to actually watch the Gaymes, that is.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:32 pm 
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What do you fill a 12" Med Ball with to make it 150#?


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:34 pm 
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What do you fill a 12" Med Ball with to make it 150#?
Quicksilver.

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:39 pm 
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that's the funny part. it's a ball. filled with sand. that costs $500.

why not just use, you know, a sand bag?

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:53 pm 
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LOL. Ya right...
http://games.crossfit.com/article/shock-and-awe
Quote:
“I had no idea what was coming,” said 2011 champ Rich Froning Jr., who actually created his own triathlon in training. It included a 500-meter swim, 32-mile bike ride and 5-kilometer run.
Jay, you seeing a pattern yet?

Having a triathlon and an obstacle course on Wednesday shows just how lacking in exercise knowledge HQ is, and Reebok and ESPN8 are obviously too dumb to point it out to them. The endurance events will suck the very life (and entertainment value for TV) out of the rest of the heavy-ish events for the entire weekend and probably greatly increase rhabdo risk.

It will also really fuck with the guys who are taking diuretics in their effort to get a clean piss test.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 10, 2012 3:54 pm 
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LOL. Ya right...
http://games.crossfit.com/article/shock-and-awe

Jay, you seeing a pattern yet?

Having a triathlon and an obstacle course on Wednesday shows just how lacking in exercise knowledge HQ is, and Reebok and ESPN8 are obviously too dumb to point it out to them. The endurance events will suck the very life (and entertainment value for TV) out of the rest of the heavy-ish events for the entire weekend and probably greatly increase rhabdo risk.

It will also really fuck with the guys who are taking diuretics in their effort to get a clean piss test.
I stand corrected. Hate on.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:14 am 
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I'm excited for the Games. There is going to be some injuries and issues.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:37 am 
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Plan to see very mediocre results in the triathlon event for the top competitors.

Most of these top Crossfit competitors have respectable strength to bodyweight ratios, and they can do other things like jump ropes and kipping pullups, yet expect to see a huge gap when it comes to endurance.
For example a 2.5x-2.75x BW deadlift is a respectable weight but compared to powerlifters is mediocre. The equivalent of this on the endurance front would be a 4:30 mile run, 16:30 5k run, or 6:00 500yd swim. I doubt any of their top guys can pull that off drug-free.

Of course they found their way to modify the course so that a clean comparison to a triathlon isn't readily available.
Fins are cool but also plan on adding up to 2 minutes if you want to see how it compares to a finless 700m.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 11:15 am 
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Yeah, but decathletes typically hit a 4:30 mile, 16:30 5K (not a contested event, but that's about what a 4:30 predicts).

No real point here, just like bringing up decathletes and how they're awesome. They got the 2.5x deadlift and the 4:30 mile.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:38 pm 
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Just for fun, the top 1500m time for 7 and 8 year old boys is 4:43.

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 12:53 pm 
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Epic aka BeastModal Domains gets the heat from HQ, decides that further mockery isn't worth them fucking with his RL (which they did, see towards the end of the post):
http://beastmodaldomains.com/2012/07/11 ... l-domains/
Quote:
The Death Of Beastmodal Domains

Posted by EPIC in Burning It Down on July 11, 2012

It would’ve been a great way to go out, but CrossFit HQ saw fit to shut my scam down. Not necessarily like Russell Berger’s slimy expose on Gym Jones, but certainly an experience I would’ve converted into some Beastmodal Domains chuckles.

A while back I was comp’d a spot at a CrossFit Level 1 Trainer Course:

Shortly after I published this, CrossFit HQ (they’ve known my real name for months) fuckstomped the whole thing. Dave Castro sent an email to the hosting gym and informed them my “scholarship” (they seriously call it that) would be given to someone “less abusive to CrossFit.” I can’t go into details, but the bottom line is: I didn’t spend last weekend fucking the stuffing out of a med-ball.

My interaction with HQ on the matter was polite on both ends and I completely understand their decision. I was informed I could still attend any Level 1 Course, so long as I paid for it.

No thanks. With no intentions of actually becoming a CrossFit coach, I’m not going to waste $1,000 to be taught how to count almonds and encourage clients to lift with shitty form.

On this site, I’ve needled HQ a bit from time to time. But I guess the Advice For New Affiliate Owners post really pissed them off. Knowing how easy Glassassinations get handed out, and fearing deaffiliation just because I mentioned ZORG, the owners of my former gym and I agreed it best that I no longer be a member there.

Regarding ZorgFit- HQ didn’t shut us down as some have suspected. It’s just that Robb Wolf, Catalyst Athletics and myself all decided that mocking CrossFit HQ is not the most positive platform to raise money for charity. It’s fun to joke around and we would’ve sold some shirts, but there are better ways to focus our efforts to support the Wounded Warrior Project. The below shirt is available nowhere.

Which brings me to the overall focus of this post. Why does HQ give a fuck about those who criticize them? Their shit isn’t perfect. Mature adults know how to take criticism, pussies cry about it. Have you ever wondered why sites like Forging Elite Sarcasm, The Naked CrossFitter and Beastmodal Domains did not exist before 2010? We were less necessary back then. There was crazy shit and lulz in CrossFit, but not nearly as much as there has been in recent years:

Back in the early years of CrossFit, you had CrossFitters vs. the haters (IGX Couch Thread). It was very polarized and there wasn’t much in between. It wasn’t that embarrassing to be a CrossFitter back then, with the exception of situations like this:

Sites like this have popped up to mock shit from the inside, as a response to the increasing stupidity we’ve had to deal with as members of the “community.” But at the end of the day, we’re CrossFitters. Despite our aliases, HQ knows who we are and CrossFit is too small to stay hidden for long. Humor is a great weapon and bullies don’t like to be made fun of. So if you’re prone to free thought, enjoy teh lulz and don’t want to play by all their rules, you won’t get out unscathed.

As I alluded to earlier in this post, a successful effort by HQ to find out my true name and details about my life occurred months ago. I’ll avoid details to protect the identity of those involved–intimidation was a factor. I didn’t care much at the time. But last Thursday, 3 senior individuals at my place of employment received mailed envelopes containing content from this site. The sender was anonymous. The intent was to get me fired and the tactics were chickenshit. Let me be clear: I can’t prove HQ was responsible for sending the envelopes. It doesn’t matter. Either way, I got checkmated by some softcunt who got offended by jokes on the internet. I have a great job (that is not in the fitness industry) and I’d like to continue to support my family. As a result, Beastmodal Domains is dead.

In summary, not only did I not get to do the free L1 Cert and write some lulz about it, I had to leave my gym, got in some heat at my job and had to kill my website. At least it wasn’t a boring month here at BMD. I agree this is a lame way to go out and I would’ve preferred my last post to have more lulz and be less limpdicky. On the contrary, I bet a certain group probably finds this BMD post to be the funniest one of all time: CrossFit HQ. Fuck it. I always wanted to end Beastmodal Domains with this clip (NSFW – language):
Keepin' it classy, HQ, keepin' it classy.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 1:31 pm 
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Sarge

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I see they (CFHQ) are taking some pages from the Scientology play book.


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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:04 pm 
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Sergeant Commanding

Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:17 pm
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it's called tortious interference

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:35 pm 
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Sergeant Commanding
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Quote:
U.S. Marines will tell you the 11.3-kilometer Microwave run includes 427 meters of elevation gain. And it sucks. To make things even more challenging, CrossFit’s elite athletes will battle Microwave after a 700-meter swim and an 8-kilometer bike ride over undulating terrain and sand.

After the triathlon from hell, athletes will race head-to-head through Camp Pendleton School of Infantry Obstacle Course. A standing long jump is also on the agenda.
No it doesn't. I would rather run Radio (microwave) hill than the back side of Horno through recon ridge. I bet the average 1st class PFT Marine would smoke them on this run.

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 Post subject: Re: The couch thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 4:47 pm 
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Sergeant Commanding
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jH0cp6Su ... re=related
Similar O course.

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