My Day

[DikTracy6000]

Friday, 6/1/18: Was up early to let Gus, our mixed flat coat retriever and Newfoundland out for his morning pee. Had the inside front door open waiting for our granddaughter to arrive before school, while watching the futures market on CNBC, I heard a crack that made Gus kind of yelp or bark, and looked out to see my neighbor, Randy topple over in his front yard. He's a 60-something man who's had declining mobility from a stroke many years ago. I went running out the door and found that he'd shot himself in the head on the front lawn. He was groaning and still breathing so I just held his hand and talked to him while my daughter called 911. He quit breathing after a couple minutes so I gave him CPR and he miraculously starting breathing again. I questioned if I should just let him go, since the gunshot was in his mouth and out his head. I kept him breathing until the EMT's arrived which took an eternity. He'd had a particularly tough last 12 years, when his wife died of cancer, then his step daughter who he helped raise also died of kidney failure. He never completely recovered from a stroke at 30 but to his credit, had worked after he rehabbed when most would just take disability. I'd noticed recently he had been acting rather coldly towards us, and thought I'd somehow unknowingly pissed him off. This past weekend he was cutting his grass on his tractor and had given me the 1000-yard stare. My wife and neighbors said he'd suddenly turned less than friendly to them also. Now I'd wished I'd walked over and asked what was going on with him last weekend. This is the second time that I was first on the scene to someone mortally wounded or injured. The last time gave me nightmares for months, and I didn't know that person. Wished I'd somehow done something different last weekend. Randy was a decent guy, hard worker and only occasionally asked for help with a few tasks around his house when his mobility limited him. This really sucks.
p.s. I heard later, that he was on life support until 1:00 p.m. when they were able to harvest his organs that he donated. Now maybe the doing this deed on his front lawn made some sense. I've also changed my opinion that a shot to the head is a quick way to go. It was brutal.

[DrDonkeyLove]

Friday, 6/1/18: Was up early to let Gus, our mixed flat coat retriever and Newfoundland out for his morning pee. Had the inside front door open waiting for our granddaughter to arrive before school, while watching the futures market on CNBC, I heard a crack that made Gus kind of yelp or bark, and looked out to see my neighbor, Randy topple over in his front yard. He's a 60-something man who's had declining mobility from a stroke many years ago. I went running out the door and found that he'd shot himself in the head on the front lawn. He was groaning and still breathing so I just held his hand and talked to him while my daughter called 911. He quit breathing after a couple minutes so I gave him CPR and he miraculously starting breathing again. I questioned if I should just let him go, since the gunshot was in his mouth and out his head. I kept him breathing until the EMT's arrived which took an eternity. He'd had a particularly tough last 12 years, when his wife died of cancer, then his step daughter who he helped raise also died of kidney failure. He never completely recovered from a stroke at 30 but to his credit, had worked after he rehabbed when most would just take disability. I'd noticed recently he had been acting rather coldly towards us, and thought I'd somehow unknowingly pissed him off. This past weekend he was cutting his grass on his tractor and had given me the 1000-yard stare. My wife and neighbors said he'd suddenly turned less than friendly to them also. Now I'd wished I'd walked over and asked what was going on with him last weekend. This is the second time that I was first on the scene to someone mortally wounded or injured. The last time gave me nightmares for months, and I didn't know that person. Wished I'd somehow done something different last weekend. Randy was a decent guy, hard worker and only occasionally asked for help with a few tasks around his house when his mobility limited him. This really sucks.
p.s. I heard later, that he was on life support until 1:00 p.m. when they were able to harvest his organs that he donated. Now maybe the doing this deed on his front lawn made some sense. I've also changed my opinion that a shot to the head is a quick way to go. It was brutal.

That's a beyond words experience. Sounds like you did the exact right things. I wish you and your daughter the best in working through this.

RIP Randy.

[Turdacious]

Damn. I hope your granddaughter didn't witness too much of it.

[terra]

Sounds like you were a good neighbour, and you did everything right during the stressful incident.

[DikTracy6000]

Damn. I hope your granddaughter didn't witness too much of it.

No, she didn't. Her mom got her quickly into the house and all she saw were police and emerg. vehicles and personnel walking around. I was still pre-occupied and didn't see her until my wife put her into the car to go to school.

[nafod]

Wow...glad you were able to tell your story here. You’ve been heard, shipmate. You did everything right.

[Grandpa's Spells]

Really sorry that happened, that absolutely sucks. I've been through this with a close friend, though it was a chest wound and he survived.

I really recommend talking to somebody about it, especially if you're having thoughts of "I wish I'd done something about x." I was a lot more complicit in my buddy not getting help, not knowing he needed it (and realistically I couldn't have known with the info I had*), and a couple conversations with somebody who deals with specifically that for a living may have helped me manage what I think would have been a harder time otherwise.

*Neighbors act visibly off all the time, especially folks with chronic pain or managed mental illness or people going through normal depressive periods after loss. There's no way you could have known this was something to get involved in.

[vern]

Damn.

[Sangoma]

The sight of a gunshot wound in the head is an intense experience. There isn't much you can do in this situation, and you did all you could. In Australia Suicide rate is the highest among the elderly, and in the context of your neighbour's last years it seems understandable. Hope you are ok.

[Turdacious]

Damn. I hope your granddaughter didn't witness too much of it.

No, she didn't. Her mom got her quickly into the house and all she saw were police and emerg. vehicles and personnel walking around. I was still pre-occupied and didn't see her until my wife put her into the car to go to school.

That's good-- her witnessing it, and having to process it, would bring a whole new level of trauma to the situation for all of you. Glad you were able to take care of your neighbor (to the extent possible), and that your wife and daughter were able to take care of your granddaughter.

[Thud]

That's a bitch.
Have to admit, I don't think I'd handle such a thing very well (traumatic).
I hope you're ok, Dik.

[DikTracy6000]

That's a bitch.
Have to admit, I don't think I'd handle such a thing very well (traumatic).
I hope you're ok, Dik.

I'm okay, not great during quiet times. I learned a long time ago, that I handle stressful situations pretty well in the moment. Can sort of disassociate myself and focus on the problem in the moment. It's later that I'm questioning my actions, why didn't I do this, or try that. Thanks for asking. Will see how this week goes, my family is telling me to talk to someone, not there yet. The one older policeman, who was acting like the supervisor made the offer if I needed it.

[syaigh]

That is a hell of a day. Hope you can feel more easy about things going forward. Nothing you could have done, sounds like he had made up his mind.

[nafod]

You saved other people's lives by keeping his heart beating, I know there are donation recipients out there who'd give the world to thank you in person for your courage in that moment. He lives on through your actions, friend.

[Thud]

That's a bitch.
Have to admit, I don't think I'd handle such a thing very well (traumatic).
I hope you're ok, Dik.

I'm okay, not great during quiet times. I learned a long time ago, that I handle stressful situations pretty well in the moment. Can sort of disassociate myself and focus on the problem in the moment. It's later that I'm questioning my actions, why didn't I do this, or try that. Thanks for asking. Will see how this week goes, my family is telling me to talk to someone, not there yet. The one older policeman, who was acting like the supervisor made the offer if I needed it.

Well just don't feel bad about it if you do want to talk to someone about it. That's normal, that's why everyone is suggesting it. You were on the frontline of something extremely shocking, don't expect yourself to process it like it's nbd.

[DrDonkeyLove]

That's a bitch.
Have to admit, I don't think I'd handle such a thing very well (traumatic).
I hope you're ok, Dik.

I'm okay, not great during quiet times. I learned a long time ago, that I handle stressful situations pretty well in the moment. Can sort of disassociate myself and focus on the problem in the moment. It's later that I'm questioning my actions, why didn't I do this, or try that. Thanks for asking. Will see how this week goes, my family is telling me to talk to someone, not there yet. The one older policeman, who was acting like the supervisor made the offer if I needed it.

You probably don't need to talk to someone. You made good decisions followed by good actions quickly. You might, however, get a better understanding of Randy (if you want that) from someone who's seen those decisions before. You could get some good coping ideas too that you can share with others should the time come.

I've been thinking about Randy a bit.

Why the front yard instead of someplace private? A desire to connect to others in death? A public primal scream?

How rational was his decision? Maybe it was time and he did what he had to do. Or, did he fail himself by withdrawing into a continually shrinking and darkening emotional black hole?

There's a lot to pull out of this thread.

[Mickey O'neil]

Damn, that is horrible.