Spiritual Well-Being

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Fat Cat
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:59 am

Bram wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:32 am
Fat Cat wrote:
Tue Jan 07, 2020 10:05 pm

I dunno, "be kind" on one level is great, but if we're discussing hard talks with kids, and particularly with reference to spirituality, I think teaching kids that there are times to not be kind is also appropriate. Kids today are so bombarded with over-socializing messages about bullying, racism, sexism, inclusivity, etc. that I don't think "be kind" is a new message for them. That's all they hear. To me, more kids today need the message that some things are worth standing up for and even fighting over. To frame it in this present discussion of spiritual well being, a person who can never feel anger, indignation, or the will to act violently has an insipid spirit, listless and weak.
Kindness is important as is standing up for yourself, or standing up for others.

As a surfer in San Diego I've had negative run-in's with all sorts of people, I've chosen the kind route 99% of the time and the angry route 1% of the time and both have been effective. Maybe it should have been 95/5 or 90/10, but kindness as a general rule has made my life in the water pretty easy. Knowing when to pull the "no more bullshit" card is an art that I could be quicker on, but yeah any personal tips?

----

Glad you enjoyed it Nafod! I liked the Niki Nakayama episode as well.
Mostly, I agree with you and my post is only intended to make conversation. Probably I would say 99 percent (perhaps more) either kindness or acceptance is the way to deal with most bullshit, and not all moments when you have to take a stand involve violence. But I see a lot of young people today who are literally incapable of standing up for themselves physically, verbally, or psychologically.

As far as when I think it's go time is when I see someone either physically intimidate or initiate violent behavior. When that happens a switch flips in me and I can get a bit crazy.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Sangoma » Wed Jan 08, 2020 5:43 am

Never mind
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Bram
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Bram » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:13 pm

Fat Cat wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:59 am

Mostly, I agree with you and my post is only intended to make conversation. Probably I would say 99 percent (perhaps more) either kindness or acceptance is the way to deal with most bullshit, and not all moments when you have to take a stand involve violence. But I see a lot of young people today who are literally incapable of standing up for themselves physically, verbally, or psychologically.

As far as when I think it's go time is when I see someone either physically intimidate or initiate violent behavior. When that happens a switch flips in me and I can get a bit crazy.
To go further along the line of standing up for yourself, I'm going to highlight something I felt I did poorly, and which having more confidence or drawing a line in the sand would have aided me:

I was recently dating someone. The relationship started off as good as any I've ever had. But about mid-November she made a pivot and started acting distant.

This drug on until last weekend, and was making my state of mind unpleasant. But finally last weekend I had had enough, talked to her clearly, ended things, and immediately my mind felt great. In retrospect, I wish I would have acted immediately, but I did not.

So standing up doesn't have to be versus violence, it can just be against shitty behavior, but I wasn't focusing on the right things to handle it appropriately. Something to work on going forwards.
Be careful with your words, for someone will agree with them. Be careful of your conduct, for someone will imitate it.

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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:25 pm

Good for you, Bram. The only thing that would make you feel even better would be to post some pictures of this broad. [-o<
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by newguy » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:12 pm

Bram wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:13 pm
Fat Cat wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:59 am

Mostly, I agree with you and my post is only intended to make conversation. Probably I would say 99 percent (perhaps more) either kindness or acceptance is the way to deal with most bullshit, and not all moments when you have to take a stand involve violence. But I see a lot of young people today who are literally incapable of standing up for themselves physically, verbally, or psychologically.

As far as when I think it's go time is when I see someone either physically intimidate or initiate violent behavior. When that happens a switch flips in me and I can get a bit crazy.
To go further along the line of standing up for yourself, I'm going to highlight something I felt I did poorly, and which having more confidence or drawing a line in the sand would have aided me:

I was recently dating someone. The relationship started off as good as any I've ever had. But about mid-November she made a pivot and started acting distant.

This drug on until last weekend, and was making my state of mind unpleasant. But finally last weekend I had had enough, talked to her clearly, ended things, and immediately my mind felt great. In retrospect, I wish I would have acted immediately, but I did not.

So standing up doesn't have to be versus violence, it can just be against shitty behavior, but I wasn't focusing on the right things to handle it appropriately. Something to work on going forwards.
And one thing this highlights is that there is no inherent conflict between kindness and standing up for yourself.

There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being an asshole.

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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:34 pm

To paraphrase Garm, the hidden imam of IGX, prior to his occultation: "learn to embrace being an asshole." It's incredibly liberating.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by newguy » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:18 pm

Fat Cat wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:34 pm
To paraphrase Garm, the hidden imam of IGX, prior to his occultation: "learn to embrace being an asshole." It's incredibly liberating.
Thinking this through.... is it not possible to be both kind and an asshole?

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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Fat Cat » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:51 pm

If you're into that sort of thing, sure.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Bram » Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:36 am

Fat Cat wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:25 pm
Good for you, Bram. The only thing that would make you feel even better would be to post some pictures of this broad. [-o<
I won't post any photos, but hopefully the next girl I'm dating is both hot and alright with being objectified on this corner of the internet.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Fat Cat » Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:44 am

I'm just trying to help you heal, brah.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Bram » Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:54 am

I hooked up with a hot girl later in the day after breaking up with her, so all good :)
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Bram » Thu Jan 09, 2020 4:24 am

newguy wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:12 pm

And one thing this highlights is that there is no inherent conflict between kindness and standing up for yourself.

There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being an asshole.
One of my larger regrets in life is watching 4-5 guys beat 1 guy up outside a frat party in college (they were pissed because they didn't get let into the party). No one stopped them, I was 10 feet away and could have done something. They beat the guy unconscious, and then some more.

Kindness is not always the option when other people's health and well-being is on the line. That is a clear example of needing another mind-set available to you.

On a side note, the guys who did that shit ended up at my house for a party randomly a weekend or two later, hung out for 5 minutes and left.
Be careful with your words, for someone will agree with them. Be careful of your conduct, for someone will imitate it.

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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Sangoma » Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:32 am

Fat Cat wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:34 pm
To paraphrase Garm, the hidden imam of IGX, prior to his occultation: "learn to embrace being an asshole." It's incredibly liberating.
It is both liberating and beneficial. For everyone.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by DikTracy6000 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 11:59 am

Bram wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:54 am
I hooked up with a hot girl later in the day after breaking up with her, so all good :)
Eighteen minutes ago, you were "hoping" she would be hot. Then presto. Bless your heart.

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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by newguy » Thu Jan 09, 2020 1:53 pm

Bram wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 4:24 am
newguy wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:12 pm

And one thing this highlights is that there is no inherent conflict between kindness and standing up for yourself.

There is a difference between standing up for yourself and being an asshole.
One of my larger regrets in life is watching 4-5 guys beat 1 guy up outside a frat party in college (they were pissed because they didn't get let into the party). No one stopped them, I was 10 feet away and could have done something. They beat the guy unconscious, and then some more.

Kindness is not always the option when other people's health and well-being is on the line. That is a clear example of needing another mind-set available to you.

On a side note, the guys who did that shit ended up at my house for a party randomly a weekend or two later, hung out for 5 minutes and left.
But you weren't being kind at the moment. You were scared. Or an asshole....

Kindness/compassion could have motivated you to intervene.

And no judgement. We can all look back at our lives and regret actions we didn't take. (I know I can.)

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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Bram » Thu Jan 09, 2020 11:12 pm

Definitely scared of getting beat up. 4 on 1 is bad odds. But still could have done something. Even just yelled a bunch of crazy shit.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Bram » Thu Jan 09, 2020 11:13 pm

DikTracy6000 wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 11:59 am
Bram wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:54 am
I hooked up with a hot girl later in the day after breaking up with her, so all good :)
Eighteen minutes ago, you were "hoping" she would be hot. Then presto. Bless your heart.
haha, well I don't think I'm getting posting privleges on this one. So the search likely continues.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by Sangoma » Fri Jan 10, 2020 9:41 pm

Bram wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:54 am
I hooked up with a hot girl later in the day after breaking up with her, so all good :)
You have to look up the definition of a break up.
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Re: Spiritual Well-Being

Post by newguy » Fri Jan 10, 2020 10:10 pm

Bram wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 12:54 am
I hooked up with a hot girl later in the day after breaking up with her, so all good :)
Now that's spiritual well being!

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