The couch thread

[T200]

If one is a tit man then @Fit is not the place for that individual. Too much Zone.

[snatch grip]

If one is a tit man then @Fit is not the place for that individual. Too much Zone.

that. Best we can do in this arena:



and this one, in which, if you believe Rant, I am prominently featured.

[T200]

Who in their right mind wouldn't believe Rant?

[snatch grip]

Who in their right mind wouldn't believe Rant?

A few of his multiple personalities are believable.

[Croatoa]

I need some clarification, can I catch Rhabdo from fucking a crossfit chick?

[Abandoned by Wolves]

Excellent. Got one for Rhabdo?

You name it, we carry it.

Kraj, you are my new hero.

[Paddy O'Furniture]

Alright, WGM. I know it's tough to post fresh pics of Andro broads every day but if you want to make money off of it, you have to work for it. I'm sick of seeing all my old posts recycled over and over on your blog.

Go find some new material!

[T-L]

Barky is indeed very impressive. Also of note are the cougars that have shown up on the site recently. Implants can be nice if done well. Besides, they are covered with skin. Me, I'm an ass man. Paddy, you are tough to follow.

[Mountebank]

So, what happens when the kids of the @F Kids founder (Connor and Keegan Martin), raised on @F, compete in the sectionals? This should be teh awesomez!1!!1!
http://scores2010.crossfit.com/scoring/p/89/
Well...44th and 70th place, respectively. IN THE SECTIONALS. Not regionals. Not the Gaymes.

Maybe strength, typically developed over time, has something to do with it....which is humorous to me, since these young bucks are the prodigy of the @F "strength bias" program author.

Work schmapacity. My arse.

[CultBuster]

Sectionals Athlete Profile - Michael Moseley
Name: Michael Eugene Brian Moseley

Age: 36

Height and Weight: 5'8" 180lbs

Athletic background: Football, Bodybuilding,

How long you have been CrossFitting: A little over a year

Winner of sectional with ONE WHOLE YEAR of @Fit!

John has always had a passion for fitness and athletics. His biggest athletic achievements came from playing football where he earned all state honors in High School in the late 90’s, and was named to the 2001 all-conference team for Mesa Community College before finishing his college football career at Western New Mexico University in 2003.

This douche placed fourth and has been @fitting for a little over a year. Where the fuck in anyone that has done this shit for years? Petranek? Gilliam? Didn't even make the cut last year. I asked about the Martins on the boards and I'm told when they reach their "peak" they will be a force to be reckoned with. Apparently @fit is too young to produce anyone who was raised with it, but not too young too talk shit

[Jag Panzer]

It's almost like getting strong and then adding on conditioning work makes you good at @fit.

When will these fake athletes learn that it's about the modal domains?

[CultBuster]

Finally, it's been two weeks since the NYT piece and I'm no longer overweight (though I still limp), but I'm betting that Mark is still afraid to come around, Jack is still morbidly obese, Stephen still has a 30 minute Fran, you're still uncoordinated, and Pavel still losing his best (Jeff Martone just this weekend) talent to a program of higher standards, greater efficacy, and integrity

skinnycouch.jpg (137.8 KiB) Viewed 8955 times

[T-L]

No longer overweight? Putting on a baggy sweatshirt does not make you weigh less, it only helps to hide the distended stomach. Note the double chin too. Perhaps a real physician has told couch he needs to weigh less, and perhaps he has lost weight by replacing food with gin. End stage alcoholism has similar symptoms.

[Turdacious]

Finally, it's been two weeks since the NYT piece and I'm no longer overweight (though I still limp), but I'm betting that Mark is still afraid to come around, Jack is still morbidly obese, Stephen still has a 30 minute Fran, you're still uncoordinated, and Pavel still losing his best (Jeff Martone just this weekend) talent to a program of higher standards, greater efficacy, and integrity

skinnycouch.jpg

He must have switched to diet gin.

[JamesonBushmill]

I think he is carrying that little troglodyke, lynn, under that sweatshirt like a papoose.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

That quote is years old, uso

[Gary John]

late 2005, or first couple of weeks 2006.

Like this thread, just stale old shit and reposts of reposts.

[Bleve]

late 2005, or first couple of weeks 2006.

Like this thread, just stale old shit and reposts of reposts.

Andro never gets stale ... It's like a steak. It's always good ..

[Fish]

http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthrea ... 856&page=2

I just want to vent so here we go.

I recently started a new job. I'm a personal trainer and used to work at a globo gym where most of the trainers did Crossfit. This is how I was introduced to it. However, I wasn't making much money in that job and recently started a new one at a personal training studio. All we do is personal training and group fitness classes so it's a good environment with good clients. All the trainers there come from a bodybuilding background and most don't even know what Crossfit is. All the guys are fairly large and do bicep curls on a regular basis I'm a very thin guy. I have gained significant amounts of weight before (I was unemployed and basically just ate all day and did an hour of weights 3 times per week) but now i'm back down to my natural weight due to my extremely busy schedule (don't have time to eat regularly) and Crossfit training. All the trainers see me and tell me i'm a skinny dweeb and that Crossfit sucks because you can't gain mass on it. I try to tell them otherwise but obviously because i'm skinny I can't prove it to them. All the trainers train together 3 times a week after we close and I usually go to my local box and do the WOD. They are always telling me I need to stay and train with them so they can show me how it's done etc. I just laugh and say "yeah, one day". At first I was just like "whatever" but lately it's been getting worse. I'm being called names on a regualr basis and when I struggle to lift up large pieces of equipment (we rearrange the gym quite a bit) i'm teased and told that Crossfit is the reason i'm weak.

I know it's all crap but the problem is it's starting to really get to me. No one takes me seriously because of my weight and they all think Crossfit is just some glorified Cardio program. My clients love it when I train them using CF style workouts but the trainers all stick to weights and machines. I know I need to just gain some weight and prove them all wrong and I plan to but right now i'm just not in the right mindset.

I don't really know where this is going but basically i'm ****ed off with the way i'm being treated and how these morons view Crossfit and I felt like venting some of my feelings.

Peace.

I haven't been doing Crossfit long so I can only comment on the last time I did the CF Total.

Deadlift: 120kg
Press: 40kg
Squat: 80kg

I was dissapointed with this but I wasn't well when I did it and hadn't eaten anything all day. My strength is ok I guess.

I weight 65kg at 6'1". Very skinny. I have been 76kg in the past.

I don't need more clients. Since we are a studio, I get paid by the hour not per client so I have a steady flow of clients all day.

I might start mixing it up a bit and doing some strength training as well as CF.

Thanks for the reply.

Thanks to all who have stated the obvious and have told me to eat. As I said, I have been 12kg's heavier than I am now. This thread wasn't originally intended to ask for advice but I do appreciate the advice I have been given. A co-worker stuck up for me today after a guy started laying into me. She said "who cares if he's not big, he could probably kick your arse at running" I felt good after that lol. Anyway, I have decided to do Starting Strength and GOMAD but i'm trying to find a raw milk source as I don't tolerate normal milk very well. Cheers guys.

I'm very capable of handling it. I give it right back. The thing is that it's none of their business what I do or how I train let alone how I look. The offer for training was merely a clever way for them to say "you're training sucks, mine is better so train with me because i'm huge (therefore I know what i'm doing)" when in actual fact they are terrible trainers and they are naturally big guys so they would be big no matter what they did.

I think most people have missed the point of this thread. Having someone tell me Crossfit sucks because i'm not massive was the point. It's typical globo gym mentality and fear of incorporating cardio and intensity into a workout because it will make you lose precious weight.

No. Fucking. Way.

[Damien]

CF is the new HG.

That piece above reminds me a lot of McRoberts trip to the shrink.

[WildGorillaMan]

CF is the new HG.

That piece above reminds me a lot of McRoberts trip to the shrink.

Holy fuck does it ever!

[Holland Oates]

CF is the new HG.

That piece above reminds me a lot of McRoberts trip to the shrink.

What?

Where can I find this?

[WildGorillaMan]

CF is the new HG.

That piece above reminds me a lot of McRoberts trip to the shrink.

What?

Where can I find this?

I knew someone was going to ask that.

From the P&B archives:

Stuart McRobert's visit to the shrink

In a small office on the thirteenth floor of a large office building there sits a very skinny man with tears running down his cheeks and big black bags under his eyes. Then all of a sudden an older man with a big grey beard enters the room and introduces himself as Dr. Psychiatrist.

Dr. P: "What seems to be the problem, Mr Mcrobert?"

Stuie: "I-i-it's m-m-my n-nightmares!!!

Dr. P: "Nightmares? Explain."

Stuie: "W-well, every night I go to sleep exactly 4 hours and 53 minutes after my weight training. I do this to ensure that the one muscle fiber I stimulated has enough time to think about how it is genetically disadvantaged before going to bed. But for the last week or so I have been waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night. My heart is racing, my eyes are tearing up and my Barbie pyjamas are soaked!"

Dr. P: "I see, I see. Now what is happening in these nightmares?"

Stuie: "Well, it's very difficult to remember exactly what happened but I remember that I was on my way to the local gym. I was wearing my usual Batman costume so no one at the gym would notice how small my muscles are. After calibrating the genetic potential of my new running shoes. I headed over to the weight room. But when I got there, it was full of people with...with...muscles! Waaaaaahhh!"

Dr. P: "But isn't a gym a place where people build their muscles?"

Stuie: "What are you, some kind of drug user?!!"

Dr. P: "Sorry, go on."

Stuie: "Anyway, all of the guys in the gym were huge. I did what any normal person would do and openly declared all of them drug users. Not one of them payed any attention to me and just kept on working, their muscles getting bigger with each rep! I was too angry at this complete disregard of sound training to begin my workout, so I just stood in a corner thinking about how much good advice I could give these guys if they would just stop training."

Dr. P: "Stuart, why would you give them advice? They are already big and strong."

Stuie: "What are you some kind of a drug user?!!"

Dr. P: "Stuart, calm down. I don't even lift weights."

Stuie: "See how easy it is for you easy gainers!"

Dr. P: "Just finish your damn story!"

Stuie: "Ok! Anyway, I was at this point amazed at the complete lack of sensible training. I even caught several of them doing 2 or more sets of a weight that would crush an army of hard gainers. I had to put a stop to this! I shouted and shouted at them to reduce the weight and increse the complaining but no one payed any attention. Them in the corner of the room a man dressed all in black just pointed at me and said "you go downstairs". I did as he said without even thinking and went down some stairs into the basement and was amazed what I found."

Dr. P: "What was there, Stuie?"

Stuie: "Well, the whole basement was a giant gym just like upstairs, but this time it was full of very skinny, sad men who just sat on benches and sighed. "Why aren't my arms bigger?" one said. Another spoke out "I wish someone could give me that great routine that will take my bench press from 80 to 82lbs". I was so happy that I was finally in a place where REAL trainers worked out. These guys were so well educated that they didn't even risk overtraining BY training. I was so fired up for a workout that I ran to the power rack. I loaded the bar with the standard 2.5lb plates. This would be the week that I hit 50lbs for 8 reps. I psyched myself up but at the same time promised that even if I missed the goal I would still buy myself an ice cream for trying. I bent down to tighten my shoe lace and then when I looked up...the..the"

Dr. P: "What Stuie? You have to let loose your feelings."

Stuie: "Well, (gulp) when I looked back at the squat bar it was now all of a sudden loaded with 2 45lb plates!!! 135lbs of overtraining, failure, and bad genetics. I was so scared that I squeeled like a girl scout that just burnt her brownies. But then after I blinked they were back to just the 2.5lb plates. Chalking this hallucination up to an animal product I had eaten when I was 5, I decided to continue. I placed my motivational cassette player on the floor and my photo radar machine on a bench near by to make sure I didn't exceed a 2/4 rep cadence. I decended for my first rep. Tough, but great work for a hardgainer who is doomed to never become strong. Three reps in I was feeling good but then all of a sudden the plates...the turned into...(gulp) 45 pounders again!"

Dr. P: "Sigh"

Stuie: "The weight was so heavy it felt like there was a herd of elephants having a disco party on my back. I Fell to the ground like a discarded kleenex and actually broke through the floor! I just kept falling down into this abyss until I finally landed in a pit of..of..supplements! There were supplements everywhere! Then from behind me I heard these guys talking. I looked and there was a man who also had muscles buying a can of basic milk and egg protein powder. Of all the nerve! I junged out to try and stop him from further destroying his body but he just tossed me like a frisbee into the air and I just kept going. Then I finally landed in a different gym, equally loaded with muscular strong men. But this time they noticed me immeadiatly. One shouted "Hey! That's Stuie McRobert! Look how fucking small he is! And he writes books on weight training?! Ha ha ha ha ha!". And then all of them were laughing at me, none of them even considering the fact that I could actually be Batman. Then I just fell to the ground crying, and that's when I woke up."


Dr. P: "Ah, I see. Well Stuie, I think I know what the problem is."

Stuie: "Really?!! Oh good! What is it? Train less often? Reduce the poundage? Spout more negative jargon?

Dr. P: "No, none of them will help you."

Stuie: "Then what should I do Doc?"

Dr. P: "Well, you can start by NOT BEING SUCH A FUCKING WHINY LITTLE BITCH!!! Start training like a man, you little rectal wart! Your nothing but a baby looking for excuses not to work hard, eat lots, and work hard some more! Get with the fucking program! Stop hiding behind your genetic imperfections and be glad you've got 2 arms, 2 legs, and some very small balls! My sister is a quadroplegic and she manages to race in the provincial games by training 5 times a week and not letting her limitations limit her achievments! So get off your ass, hoist some big weights, and for christ's sake take off that ridiculous Batman outfit!

Stuie: --- "What are you, some kind of drug user?!!"


Stuart then leaves the office and never returned to that Psychiatrist. The next day Dr. P took up weight training and is now a runner up powerlifting champion in the 55+ age category.

[Holland Oates]

Thanks WGM. I tried Google but it didn't cough up anything.

[WildGorillaMan]

Thanks WGM. I tried Google but it didn't cough up anything.

I couldn't remember if the archives are registration only, so that's why I cut and paste it instead of linking it. IIRC, that was written around 1999 or so, when the P&B was the B&P.