The couch thread

[GoDogGo!]

I declined, finding the thought as alien to my nature as sticking my dick in a rabid wolverine's mouth.

fucking brilliant! love it!

I think maybe Timmah did that in one of his early books.

[Crust Bucket]

What's next?

One of these days I gonna have to host a "skating cert".
Fuck me, with the $$$ I could make, I need to get the ball rolling for this.

[Anon]

I am amazed at the "sold-out-ness" of these certs. I need a cert on how to create a cert that people want to attend. Maybe that's covered in the turnkey cert?

[The Real Rant]

$65 for a Concept 2 rowing cert? This really is licking the plate.

https://www.ticketleap.com/member/event ... 828CC4E298

[Anon]

Start time: Saturday May 03, 2008 at 10:00 AM
End time: Saturday May 03, 2008 at 2:00 PM

At least it's for 4 hours, that must include a 3 hour lunch break, on your own.

Someone has something to learn at the cert cert, thats only $16.25/hour per person.

[The Real Rant]

I wonder how long this thread will last...and no I'm not trolling over at CF.

http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=31222

[Gary John]

This whole yoga thing is shameful and embarassing.

That said, Couch must be in rehab. Good for him. No way that thread would have lasted that long.

[Danny John]

I have no idea why this thread keeps going...

[The Real Rant]

That said, Couch must be in rehab.

Nah..he's just on another bender.

[The Real Rant]

I have no idea why this thread keeps going...

I think the good Sisters at Holy Cross referred to this as a Divine Mystery.

[Sofa King]

I have no idea why this thread keeps going...

It's like a crowd at a train wreck; just can't seem to turn away. That, and it's sort of an honor to you. Speaking of which, one poster in that thread mentioned you and T-Nation in the same sentence without being deleted. That's progress.

Then this:

I think it's interesting that he's so up in arms about knee braces. I play ultimate and I know a lot of people who tore ACLs and rehabbed to be incredible players, despite having to wear a knee brace. The idea that an athlete should stop playing sports the minute they have a knee problem is ludicrous. What he's not bringing up is the fact that pushing your body is generally the best way to keep it from falling apart. Your bad knee isn't going to get better by never using it ever.

Let us all take heed that people with torn ACL's can still throw a frisbee in a pretend sport for hippies who were teased in high school for being "nerds."

[Fat Cat]

I'd like to see 100k out of this thread.

[The Real Rant]

The new crop of Kool-Aid guzzlers are just as clueless but they seem to be a bit more tolerant than in the past. Mentioning both MI and the DJ in the same thread is a sign of growth although the Ministry of Censure was right on it to make sure everyone stayed sufficiently indoctrinated.

[Coach Glassman]

FUCK YOU HATERS.

I know I'm helping people, unlike you. If a bunch of fat, over-the-hill, has-beens or never-were's can't figure out how I'm making all this shit work then boo fucking hoo. Yes, CrossFit is a commercial operation. It's open source, but it isn't free. You have to put in the time and the effort. If you want technical help, we have coaching for that. I don't make my coaches work for nothing after they've BEEN THERE and paid their dues.

Curiously, MMA fighters, Olympians, and our military's HEROES all seem to see the value. Lazy keyboard jockeys are the ones who have a problem. Pretty weak shit, guys.

In all seriousness, I would appreciate it if you would stop objectifying the strong women who are drawn to CrossFit. It's ungentlemanly, even by your standards. I also have a blowjob cert coming up and it's hard to sell that shit if women think they're just eye-candy. "Little Couch" isn't going to suck itself, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And I don't know who took my Stoli but I'm pretty sure one of you were behind it. LAME. I need my vodka blocks to stay in the zone. THAT'S Russian-style training. *hic* Fuck, where are my pants?

[Sofa King]

I'm pretty sure the Ministry of Censure was the one who bannished me. I think it was for posting a link to theartofdansilver.com without a "NSFW" (that's Not Safe For Wankers in @fit terms) tag. That or because I admitted to having a conversation with Dan John.

[Danny John]

My new article has an interesting insight about a person banned from xfit's forums.

It's on t-nation.com


We certainly can't have decorated Vietnam Vets...and highly accomplished athletes...posting willy nilly anywhere on the net.

[Danny John]

Dear Banned,

I can't believe you would have a conversation with me. Seriously...do you have any standards?

[Sofa King]

In all seriousness, I would appreciate it if you would stop objectifying the strong women who are drawn to CrossFit. It's ungentlemanly, even by your standards. I also have a blowjob cert coming up and it's hard to sell that shit if women think they're just eye-candy. "Little Couch" isn't going to suck itself, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And I don't know who took my Stoli but I'm pretty sure one of you were behind it. LAME. I need my vodka blocks to stay in the zone. THAT'S Russian-style training. *hic* Fuck, where are my pants?

[Sofa King]

Dear Banned,

I can't believe you would have a conversation with me. Seriously...do you have any standards?

Dan,
You know I'm a public school teacher. I have standards, just low expectations.

[Grandpa's Spells]

FUCK YOU HATERS.

I know I'm helping people, unlike you. If a bunch of fat, over-the-hill, has-beens or never-were's can't figure out how I'm making all this shit work then boo fucking hoo. Yes, CrossFit is a commercial operation. It's open source, but it isn't free. You have to put in the time and the effort. If you want technical help, we have coaching for that. I don't make my coaches work for nothing after they've BEEN THERE and paid their dues.

Curiously, MMA fighters, Olympians, and our military's HEROES all seem to see the value. Lazy keyboard jockeys are the ones who have a problem. Pretty weak shit, guys.

In all seriousness, I would appreciate it if you would stop objectifying the strong women who are drawn to CrossFit. It's ungentlemanly, even by your standards. I also have a blowjob cert coming up and it's hard to sell that shit if women think they're just eye-candy. "Little Couch" isn't going to suck itself, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And I don't know who took my Stoli but I'm pretty sure one of you were behind it. LAME. I need my vodka blocks to stay in the zone. THAT'S Russian-style training. *hic* Fuck, where are my pants?

This is obviously Dr. Ellis doing an impersonation.

[The Venerable Bogatir X]

FUCK YOU HATERS.

I know I'm helping people, unlike you. If a bunch of fat, over-the-hill, has-beens or never-were's can't figure out how I'm making all this shit work then boo fucking hoo. Yes, CrossFit is a commercial operation. It's open source, but it isn't free. You have to put in the time and the effort. If you want technical help, we have coaching for that. I don't make my coaches work for nothing after they've BEEN THERE and paid their dues.

Curiously, MMA fighters, Olympians, and our military's HEROES all seem to see the value. Lazy keyboard jockeys are the ones who have a problem. Pretty weak shit, guys.

In all seriousness, I would appreciate it if you would stop objectifying the strong women who are drawn to CrossFit. It's ungentlemanly, even by your standards. I also have a blowjob cert coming up and it's hard to sell that shit if women think they're just eye-candy. "Little Couch" isn't going to suck itself, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And I don't know who took my Stoli but I'm pretty sure one of you were behind it. LAME. I need my vodka blocks to stay in the zone. THAT'S Russian-style training. *hic* Fuck, where are my pants?

This is obviously Dr. Ellis doing an impersonation.

Totally had me going with the first two paragraphs.

[Gary John]

Dan John wrote:


We certainly can't have decorated Vietnam Vets...and highly accomplished athletes...posting willy nilly anywhere on the net.

You still got that picture of me covered with tinsel?

[Herv100]

FUCK YOU HATERS.

I know I'm helping people, unlike you. If a bunch of fat, over-the-hill, has-beens or never-were's can't figure out how I'm making all this shit work then boo fucking hoo. Yes, CrossFit is a commercial operation. It's open source, but it isn't free. You have to put in the time and the effort. If you want technical help, we have coaching for that. I don't make my coaches work for nothing after they've BEEN THERE and paid their dues.

Curiously, MMA fighters, Olympians, and our military's HEROES all seem to see the value. Lazy keyboard jockeys are the ones who have a problem. Pretty weak shit, guys.

In all seriousness, I would appreciate it if you would stop objectifying the strong women who are drawn to CrossFit. It's ungentlemanly, even by your standards. I also have a blowjob cert coming up and it's hard to sell that shit if women think they're just eye-candy. "Little Couch" isn't going to suck itself, if you know what I'm sayin'.

And I don't know who took my Stoli but I'm pretty sure one of you were behind it. LAME. I need my vodka blocks to stay in the zone. THAT'S Russian-style training. *hic* Fuck, where are my pants?

This is obviously Dr. Ellis doing an impersonation.

Totally had me going with the first two paragraphs.

Me too! The beginning seemed like something he would write.

[The Real Rant]

He had me too until he said "vodka". I know for a fact that cooch is a gin man.

[Fat Cat]

He has that unmistakable, bloated colonial indifference of a gin man. You can almost feel the monocled sneer in his posts.