Ed Zachary wrote:Freddie is becoming a joke. He talks shit on @fit one day and kisses hq's ass the next.
At least Welbourn keeps his mouth shut and collects his many thousands of green peoples from history times.
I agree... welbourn is good people, he does his thing without feeling this need to be "look at me!!!!" Unlike freddy who still has a @fit affiliate and talks mad shit.
Shut up and change your own culture in your own gym, freddy, stop trying to be edgy and shit... its fucking exercise, right?
True. Welbourn was on Wolf's last podcast and it was interesting, but I found if fascinating that he was so isolated from any of the WSB stuff or the other kind of training unlimited PLs gravitate towards for so long.
The other day, I was opining the fact that the kegs here hadn't been filled with water yet, because I wanted to use them for cleans, presses and overhead carries, and so I decided I didn't wanna use them. Xfit chick asked why not, and I said, because the kegs are too light and I want the water inside so there's sloshing. She looked puzzled for a second, then replied, "Well, you could still use them, you just have to do more reps to make it tough." Fuuuuck me.
A day in the life of a member at CrossFit Cliche......
I got up this morning and ate my PALEO breakfast of eggs, avocado, spinach and 12 FISH OIL caps. It was delicious and just the fuel I needed to attack my WOD later in the day like the FIREBREATHER that I am. Good sound nutrition advice from ROBB WOLF.
But before WODDING at my BOX, CrossFit Cliche, I went on a shopping trip and bought some new VIBRAM FIVE FINGERS!!! Now I can do the POSE METHOD of running more efficiently. If I am on a CAVEMAN DIET, I might as well RUN LIKE A CAVEMAN too. I am just bummed I won't get to wear my KNEE HIGH SOCKS when I wear my FIVE FINGERS. I guess there will be days when I still wear my INOV8's.
So I hit up the gym and ROLLED OUT ON THE FOAM ROLLER as part of my warm-up routine that I do everyday before I WOD. I also did a bunch of warm-up drills that got my sweat on. After all, MY WARM-UP IS YOUR WORKOUT. Since CrossFit Cliche is STRENGTH BIASED, I also did a 5x3 HEAVY DEADLIFT at 275#! My workout was awesome. It was a CHIPPER with 400m runs, KIPPING pull-ups, KIPPING handstand push-ups, GROUND TO OVERHEAD CLEAN AND JERKS, and LATERAL JUMP BURPEES, all to CROSSFIT GAMES STANDARDS of course! I RIPPED MY SHIRT OFF and went BEAST MODE on the WOD like the true WARRIOR that I am.
Obviously, my workout hit most of the TEN GENERAL SKILLS OF FITNESS. The workout left me exausted and FLOPPING AROUND ON THE FLOOR in pool of my own sweat. I was sure to make some SWEAT ANGELS and checked that my friend got plenty of PICTURES OF ME WODDING and looking wrecked afterward. I obviously INCREASED MY WORK CAPACITY ACROSS BROAD TIME AND MODAL DOMAINS.
After I WROTE MY TIME ON THE WHITEBOARD and let everyone know that I did it AS PRESCRIBED by writing RX’D next to my time, I drank my PROGENEX POST-WORKOUT SHAKE with some POST WORKOUT CARB LOADING of MASHED SWEET POTATOES.
Later that night, I put on my SKINS RECOVERY TIGHTS and drank a PROGENEX RECOVERY SHAKE and 12 more FISH OIL caps. Tomorrow, I will be ready to kill the WOD again. I'm really looking forward to my REST DAY when I will also have a CHEAT DAY on my PALEO DIET, which will eventually lead to me POSTING ON FACEBOOK ABOUT HOW GUILTY I AM ABOUT MY CHEAT DAY. Which in turn will lead to me POSTING ON FACEBOOK ABOUT MY KILLER POST CHEAT DAY WOD. All my fellow CrossFit Cliche friends will then comment about how fucking badass I am.
I AM ELITE.
Another bit of IP theft from the P&B...Jerk's Log, to be precise.
GrantB wrote:This is still one of my personal favourites:
Jerk's Log A fine piece of satire. Most entertaining-SS
"A man who, in all respects, will carry out only his professions of good, will be apt to be ruined among so many that are evil. A prince therefore who desires to maintain himself must learn not always to be good..." Machiavelli
I started the day with six eggs, scrambled with cheese and olives, two pieces of toast HEAVILY BUTTERED, and two PORK chops. I ate it all, and felt massively nourished, and I also felt like I was going to THROW UP from eating so much goddam cholesterol. I took stomach medicine and put on my suit and got on the subway to go to my CRAPPY JOB that I HATE.
I am PISSED. I carry a notebook with me wherever I go so that I can write down THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF. On the subway a fat woman who has seen the worse side of ugly SNEEZED in my face. I think I am going to get a TERMINAL disease. I wrote this down in my notebook to remember later because ANGER makes me strong.
I went to my MONKEY JOB and did not do any work and surfed the internet for porn and then I made the HUGE mistake of reading FORNICOLA's column on Cyberpump. I get the same effect from reading FORNICOLA that I do from washing down a HALCION with a BEER. I feel sleepy, I feel depressed, I feel my back start to clench up as if I'm injured by proxy. I feel like going out and BEATING THE CRAP out of someone if only to raise myself from the FORNICOLA FUNK.
I snuck out of the office at 4:30 and got on the subway to go to the gym. I spent the ride meditating on THINGS I HATE. I wrote down twenty THINGS I HATE, one for each squat rep., and memorized them. Then I wrote down twenty SUPERMODELS I WANT TO BOFF, and memorized those for deadlifts. My workout was simple:
Tonight's Onslaught:
Squats 315 x 20
I made faces at myself in the mirror, I gave myself the FINGER, I called myself pussylegs, I didn't do any warm-ups and then I squatted the weight and counted backwards, starting with THINGS I HATE THE LEAST and ending with THINGS I HATE THE MOST.
Dry Heaves x 5 (kneeling type)
I hoped to save the dry heaves for after deadlifts, but it just seemed like the right time to do them. I concentrated on the concentric part of the heave, really holding it in for 5 seconds before I moved on to the eccentric coughing movement. These are great for expanding your rib cage.
SLDL 305 x 20
I was having trouble pissing myself off. I couldn't get a rise out of myself when I gave myself the FINGER. I hit myself with a closed fist hard and that made me ANGRY at myself. My reps were smooth and focused on SUPERMODELS I WOULDN'T MIND BOFFING AT ALL, and then moving into SUPERMODELS WHOSE NAMES I KNOW AND WOULD PAY A THOUSAND DOLLARS TO BOFF as the reps got harder.
Dry Heaves x 5 (standing type)
I usually only do one set of dry heaves but lately I've been experimenting with multiple sets. I did these standing style, over the garbage can.
That was it for my workout. I had worked hard, I felt like CRAP, it was time for some CHOLESTEROL and FAT and SALT, taken in MASSIVE quantities and washed down with CHEAP BEER. A trainer who looked like TOM SELLECK came over and asked me if I was ok. I told him that I'M NOT OK. My wife left me. I hate my job. All that was waiting for me at home was a protein shake that tastes like dehydrated urine, a TV DINNER, and 12 Bud talls. I hated him asking me that question. I wrote that question down in my notebook of things that I hate, because I like to start preparing for the next workout right away.
As always,
The Jerk
Last edited by fatbastard on Fri Jul 01, 2011 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Dollars to donuts that Freddy (PBUH), due to the top-down ignorance model of @fit was totally unaware of the rich fitness/comedy tradition he subconsciously tapped into when he wrote that blog post.
I would like you to pause and look at your training. Are you training like a man? Are you training dino? Don't be a bunny. All a bunny is good for is sucking me and Gunnar off after a workout.
Train like a man, pick the biggest guy in the neighbourhood and ask him for a fight. That'll toughen you up. You pantywaist.
DO you think the mighty lifters of yore trained in chrome and fern palaces? No they trained in hardcore dungeons. The kind that smell of a thousand pairs of sweaty balls, the kind you could film a gay bondage film in, they trained with home-made equipment. Wheelbarrows, concrete, they pulled their cars. They were MEN. BE LIKE THEM. Read my book Dinosaur Training, absorb all those ludicrous Winston Churchill posts into the very fibre of your being. Train like a dino!!
PS Good looking bunnies can contact me at my usual addy.
Parody of Doc
I am often struck as I leaf through questions sent in by hardgainers that many simply "do not get it". Here is an example of true to life New york style training. It is not the only way, it may not be "pretty" or "scientific" but it has brought a modicum of success for me and my trainees.
Instead of walking out my front door on a training day, I jump out of the second floor window. This is an excellent overall body conditioner. As my wife looks on in horror I swandive out of the bedroom window, bouncing off the extension before poleaxing myself on the garden wall. By diving out of a different window each day most of the major muscle groups will be stimulated.
After I wake up, I merely have a broken arm. Nothing to cry about. I walk to the gym pulling a twenty ton juggernaut through heavy morning traffic. After 3 or 4 punch-ups with irate drivers I arrive just in time to work in with a few of the locals on a heavy 20-rep squat session.
Finally I jump into a pit of starving wolves we keep at the back of the gym. This is an excellent "finisher" and one that few trainees these days are willing to try. As a young man I would often follow this by wrestling with a wild grizzly, but as I age and improve my ability to concentrate and generate intensity I find I get enough out of fighting for my life with the wolves. After I am dragged out unconscious and covered in blood, my broken arm dangling useless at my side, the sight of me in rags covered in teeth marks can be intimidating to inexperienced trainees. "Do you really have to train that hard" they ask me. I consider it a bull**** question. You are either stimulating growth or you are wasting your time.
After a quick 10 minute recovery period I strap myself to the juggernaut and head for home.
on magnus ver... fucking drug pig.. i know 1000 nfl
football players who could whip his ass in wsm
and do it drug free....hes a pussy and I bet he fucks
sheep and dogs and his underage niece...i'd like to take
a gun blow his balls off..fry them up in a pan..
and make him eat them with the kind of hot sauce that
peels your lips and tongue...then I'd take a knife, carve
out his eye take some viagra then fuck his bloody eye
socket until he dies...you are such a fucking short armed
cesspit assfucker that I will send 45 former nfl linemen
with baseball bats....tireirons and blowtorches
to 5467 north point lane...Oaklick..sc to teach you a lesson.
I miss photos of the uber-milfs from that one cultfit box....can't remember the name but she's tall and brunette w/ nice bolt-ons. Definitely cougarish.
Ed Zachary wrote:Freddie is becoming a joke. He talks shit on @fit one day and kisses hq's ass the next.
At least Welbourn keeps his mouth shut and collects his many thousands of green peoples from history times.
I agree... welbourn is good people, he does his thing without feeling this need to be "look at me!!!!" Unlike freddy who still has a @fit affiliate and talks mad shit.
Shut up and change your own culture in your own gym, freddy, stop trying to be edgy and shit... its fucking exercise, right?
Freddie flip-flops like a politician. Welbourn doesn't do the "look at me" shit, but he still has a fucking ego.
Jay wrote:BTW, warriors kill shit. The only things you kill are exercise science and the board short display at Target.
I choose to kill people with kindness. Oh, I should also mention "kindness" is the name of my samurai sword.
Ed Zachary wrote:Freddie is becoming a joke. He talks shit on @fit one day and kisses hq's ass the next.
At least Welbourn keeps his mouth shut and collects his many thousands of green peoples from history times.
I agree... welbourn is good people, he does his thing without feeling this need to be "look at me!!!!" Unlike freddy who still has a @fit affiliate and talks mad shit.
Shut up and change your own culture in your own gym, freddy, stop trying to be edgy and shit... its fucking exercise, right?
Freddie flip-flops like a politician. Welbourn doesn't do the "look at me" shit, but he still has a fucking ego.
I'm not saying Welbourn isn't a douche he just doesn't see a need to try and play both sides of the fence.
Ed Zachary wrote:Freddie is becoming a joke. He talks shit on @fit one day and kisses hq's ass the next.
At least Welbourn keeps his mouth shut and collects his many thousands of green peoples from history times.
I agree... welbourn is good people, he does his thing without feeling this need to be "look at me!!!!" Unlike freddy who still has a @fit affiliate and talks mad shit.
Shut up and change your own culture in your own gym, freddy, stop trying to be edgy and shit... its fucking exercise, right?
Freddie flip-flops like a politician. Welbourn doesn't do the "look at me" shit, but he still has a fucking ego.
Considering he's one of the few people involved with @fit that has a solid athletic background, an ego may be justified....
Egos are all over this industry, chastising someone for an ego is like yelling at a black man for being black.
