The couch thread

[tzg]

Motherfuckers abbreviated it "I.G.X."

-headdesk-

They filter out anything else. I'm surprised I.G.X. makes it.

[friedquads]

Somebody's been fucking with @fit Football:

Warning: Something's Not Right Here!
irongarmx.net contains content from http://www.crossfitfootball.com, a site known to distribute malware. Your computer might catch a virus if you visit this site.
Google has found malicious software may be installed onto your computer if you proceed. If you've visited this site in the past or you trust this site, it's possible that it has just recently been compromised by a hacker. You should not proceed, and perhaps try again tomorrow or go somewhere else.
We have already notified http://www.crossfitfootball.com that we found malware on the site.

The stupid will even infect your computer.

This isn't the first time they've been fucked from a rogue banner ad. Way to go SitesAsRx.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Yeah, it's the rogue banners that seem to fuck with everything, CFE's site had the same.

[Gin Master]

Yeah, it's the rogue banners that seem to fuck with everything, CFE's site had the same.

The best was when CFEs site returned a "connection timed out."

[The Nightman]

Yeah, it's the rogue banners that seem to fuck with everything, CFE's site had the same.

The best was when CFEs site returned a "connection timed out."

Wow, They even take the DNF to the interwebz? They're serious about this.....

[ThespianDouche]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.ph ... post962669

Just when you think the stupid programming has reached the bottom.

[The Crawdaddy]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.ph ... post962669

Just when you think the stupid programming has reached the bottom.

Asstro and Puddinghead are toking up prior to programming decision. Or maybe hitting the crack pipe.

[Dan Martin]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.ph ... post962669

Just when you think the stupid programming has reached the bottom.

Asstro and Puddinghead are toking up prior to programming decision. Or maybe hitting the crack pipe.

Pipe Hitters?

[The Crawdaddy]

Hey! There ya go!

[ThespianDouche]

Does any one know who Joey Powell is? He seems like he's been main lining the koolaid

"If you wanna go it alone...go ahead. Be weak and injured"

Pipehitters, or they just like taking balls to the face.

[WildGorillaMan]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.ph ... post962669

Just when you think the stupid programming has reached the bottom.

I never think that anymore. I know better now.

[WildGorillaMan]

"If you wanna go it alone...go ahead. Be weak and injured"

Hard to kill AND almost completely immune to irony.

[Crust Bucket]

http://board.crossfit.com/showthread.ph ... post962669

Just when you think the stupid programming has reached the bottom.

Yeah the cooch invented it just like all the other fine exercises. Somehow he can never find time to do them tho.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Joy of joys, 2 folks from the faux affiliate have decided to come to the place where I train. Today they did Barbara.

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Over on outlaw powerlifting is this absolutely magnificent post.

Hi Billy, I'm the founder of Cro$$fit!
Posted on 7/19/2011 at 11:27:31 AM by Greg Crassman!



I don't actually work out. I claim to be an incredible athlete but you won't find any records of me competing or winning anything serious. I used to do gymnastics in the 70s but never achieved anything. I claim that the reason I can't workout is b/c I hurt my leg falling off the rings. Some people might criticize me for that and point out that Kyle Maynard trains even without arms or legs, but I tell them, "Hey! A leg injury from 20-30 years ago can be really tough to work around!!" So leave me alone on that point.

Did I tell you that I invented Crossfit? Yes! Even though I don't train, never really did, and really don't know anything about sports training, I've invented the BEST SYSTEM FOR TRAINING EVER. If you doubt that, take a look at my website and read our foundational materials. In those documents, I say that Crossfit is better than EVERYTHING ELSE and that EVERY ATHLETE would be better if they used my system. Some people like to think Crossfit is just "another way to train" but they are wrong. It is the ONLY way, as I've said over and over and over. I"ve even gone to GREAT lengths to assassinate the character of people who disagree (just ask Dan John or Josh Hillis).

I've even said that after a few years of Crossfit, you will pull a 700 lb deadlift! Amazing you might say? Completely unfounded bullshit? NO! Don't worry that nobody has ever done, never will do it, etc. Just believe what I say.

I'd like to invite you to pay ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS (a steal!) to attend a weekend "seminar." At that seminar, you will not be given a test or anything, but you will walk away with a piece of paper that declares you "level 1 certified" and then you are authorized to charge people several hundred dollars a month to TRAIN THEM. You will officially be a coach!! Awesome! Never mind that you won't know anything about anything. You have the certificate! And remember, anyone who disagrees will just be attacked and have their reputation and name dragged through the mud.

When I'm not making shit up or attacking people's character, I like to injure people to. You can just check the Crossfit injury forum to see the WIDE number of injuries my ssytem has allegedly caused. I say allegedly because when people say my system causes injuries, I say, "No it doesn't! The system is perfect! It's the people DOING the system that are fucking it up!"

See how that works?? It's genius! I keep making money and I just throw people under the bus if they get hurt.

Also, I'd like to invite you to "compete" at our Crossfit Games (some people call it the "Gaymes", how funny!). Since my "athletes" can't compete in real sports, I created new definitions, moved the goal posts, and created an entirely new sport! You can prove you are the best exerciser in the world! When people from real sports don't show up, I say they are scared! They don't want to be beaten by 20 something douchebags doing 65 pound snatches for time!

If you look at the people who've won the Gaymes, you will see they don't even use my system at all! Very clever! They use reasonable, well-designed programs, they stay injury free, and then they come in and STEAL MY TROPHIES! It is very frustrating, but I take credit for them anyway. You see, everything is Crossfit! I've set it up that way so that no matter what, EVERYONE IS DOING CROSSFIT whether they know it or not! So whenever someone achieves something, it is b/c of my principles (that I didn't invent). It's genius really.

Some people have said I outright stole the principles and ideas from John Jesse, who wrote the Wrestling Encyclopedia in the 70s (the same time I was a low-level gymnastics coach). They point out that he literally lived down the road from me, etc. But you won't find him online so that can't be proven. I'm sure if you find and read his book, you'll see many similarities but that is just coincidence. I don't even MENTION John Jesse (I pretend he doesn't exist) so how could I have stolen his ideas???? Crazy! People are haters!

Anyway, I'd love to have you in our ranks. Why don't you visit our mainsite (crossfitdotcom) and check out our Workouts of the Day. At first glance, you'll think they make no fucking sense at all, and that's because they don't! They are designed to be completely random, pointless, and injury-causing! The guys who come up with these "workouts" are guys who have never competed in anything or won anything and are not strong or fit themselves. If you don't believe me, just look them up. You'll find plenty about them in the link I've provided below.

Good luck, Billy! Don't forget to send me $1000 immediately so you too can be elite! I'll throw in some board shorts and wallet chains for you. WEll, actually, I won't. But I've now partnered with REEBOK so you can buy $60 shorts and $100 sweatshirts. Thanks!

[friedquads]

Shaf for the Mother Fucking WIN there!

[Shafpocalypse Now]

Wasn't me. Some other couch thread reader posted it.

[Cave Canem]

Does any one know who Joey Powell is? He seems like he's been main lining the koolaid.

I believe he was formerly known as CCT Joey, a regular poster on the HQ main site back in the olden timey days (2006 or so) and current business partner (or subject) of the former Mrs. Couch and her new venture, Captain @fit.

[Moku_Nui]

Post Of The Day.

http://www.board.crossfit.com/showpost. ... stcount=46

I have an idea...let's take all the crap that people over at I.G.X. say about CrossFitters and make it true. There's a solid marketing scheme for you.

...

Too late.... its already fucking true, Alex.

Your cult is full of shit and a parody of itself.

No joke ah?

This poor, fat bastard (his words, not mine) is still unoriginal. One would figure that if you're repping Waialua, training for as long as he's burped about it, then you'd be going further than a 215 clean & press stuck PR. Like the 6 yr @Fit gods at my workplace, with all the supplement assistance they can afford, which is lots, go for PRs in the squat and tap out at 315lbs. Who would leave evidence of such weakness at even 6ft tall? Apologies for my assumptions that individuals that train "seriously" for 6 yrs, at a height of 6ft tall and a weight of at least 200lbs, would be strong enough to warm up with 315lbs in the squat.

[sanitized reality]

So the bench press is not a funkshunul exercise, but this is:

http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/WOD1 ... PushUp.mov

[ThespianDouche]

holy shit that is the one of stupidest things I've seen. So instead of a bench press that uses a bench and a barbell (and plates, but how many gyms run out of plates) this use 3 boxes, db and a vest. It's harder to judge a movement because there is no frame of reference (though it's easy to see this jerk cheated the fuck out of it).

If you are alone, this might be a bit safer than a bar bell bench press, but I really want to see what happens when you get about half way up and fail on this. I mean I REALLY want to see that. torn shoulders, face smashed into the ground, db driven into chest etc.

Again, I think @Fitters can't tell the difference between a strength or fitness feat and training. Max turkish get up, fine strength feat, stupid to see in someones program.

[Danny John]

"I"ve even gone to GREAT lengths to assassinate the character of people who disagree (just ask Dan John or Josh Hillis)."

It didn't take much for me to be assassinated by karakter...

[Mountebank]

So the bench press is not a funkshunul exercise, but this is:

http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/WOD1 ... PushUp.mov

Yeah, but how much can he bench?

[Holland Oates]

I think Freddy C is just baiting us now.

I was looking through the last couple of days on his site and on July 17 he posted the vid of the Aussie @fitter attempting zercher squats in his vibrams.

It's okay to mock this guy but BmacNcheese, king of the DNF gets a pass?

He also recommends @fit foozball for a trainee's strength program. I'm curious as to the merits of @fit foozball? I know Welbourn talked out of his ass a year or so ago and pooh poohed 5-3-1 because it was for powahliftas.

I still see stupid movements and unnecessary complexities for it to be a good program.

Needless over complication. How hard is it really? Lift heavy, hit the big lifts, do the fast lifts if you like em, do some slow cardio, do some fast cardio, don't eat shit, and don't dumbshit that isn't worth the risk.

The last one is the hardest for me. I like splitting the fast lifts but my left quadricep tendon can't handle the workload, I kip a wee bit when I do pull ups even though I know it's not ideal, dips are hard on my shoulders, and all shrugs seem to do is strain my left tarp but I always go back to these movements. The sad thing is I've strained muscles doing bodyweight movements here lately.

[tough old man]

So the bench press is not a funkshunul exercise, but this is:

http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/WOD1 ... PushUp.mov

That was retarded. So he has all of these dumbells and wont spend the money on a bench because "Couch doesnt like it"?
BW+dumbell+vest = maybe 225?