The couch thread

JohnnyBadAss · Post by **JohnnyBadAss** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:35 pm

BE IT KNOWN!

Humility? Hahahahahahahahah! Yes, so humble.

Holy Cow · Post by **Holy Cow** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 7:43 pm

Gin Master wrote:Does every fitness copywriter have a Chuck Palahniuk starter kit? I'm going to choke somebody the next time I have to read crap like this.

New sig

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:58 pm

To evolve the individual, physically and mentally, and infuse them with discipline, fortitude, and humility so that they personify the highest ideals of integrity, strength, and courage and stand as equals in a family of warriors

HAHAHA!

Who are these knobs?? The three mid-wives doing tandem situps with a barbell?? Equals in the warrior family?? LMFAO!

These guys got a sense of humor though.

Gotta give 'em that much.

Mountebank · Post by **Mountebank** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:59 pm

http://www.board.crossfit.com/showthread.php?t=47573

My only exposure to Crossfit, prior to the last week of lurking here, was pretty negative! A bunch of arrogant, a$#hat's, badly mauling proper form, and looking down on me, because I am igorant of their world. An example...the last CF'er I stumbled across in the gym (about three months ago), was standing in front of the squat rack "preaching" to a group of wide eyed kids about power cleans. I was trying to keep my heart rate up, and limit rest time between sets (see...not all BB'ers are clueless!) so I asked if I could work in. His response..."Yeah, but you better let me show you how to do it first". I've been doing cleans for 20 years....and although I am the first to admit my form is far from perfect (especially after what I've learned here!), it ain't my first trip to the rodeo! So I step aside, and let "Crossfit Boy" show me his magic. He drops the bar, loaded with 25's to the ground....crouches down in what I assume was his best quasimodo impersonation, and starts simeltaneously grunting and rhtymically deep breathing. Oh yeah, forgot to mention, he's on a rubber floor in stocking feet because "you can't ever clean wearing shoes...it will kill you" (yep, that's a quote!). He jerks the bar off the floor, and proceeds to "snake" it up....it looked like a bad breakdance move. At the top, his hips are so far behind his heels he loses his balance, bails out throwing the bar forward, and lands flat on his ***. I proceed to pick up the bar, load 45's on, and knock out a set of ten. "Thanks for the demo" I intoned as I moved on to my pullup set. Postcript.......passed the same clown on the way out, preaching to another group of wide eyed kids about how CF had given him incredible cardio....all while he chained smoked unfiltered Camels!

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:59 pm

individuals who control their own destiny and take responsibility for their actions, who serve their community through force of action and will, and refuse to surrender (quit) despite the odds.

Wait WHA???

The Cultfit Rule of Slop says, thou shalt surrender (quit) if you encounter resistance greater than 20% of your previous experience whereby form breaks down.

A dilemma.

Gin Master · Post by **Gin Master** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:16 pm

Oh shit. Against my better judgment, I clicked through the rest of their site. It gets worse.

http://www.crossfithel.com/

Look at the pages under "member candidate information." Go ahead and wrap a towel around your fist because so you don't cut it up while punching your monitor.

POD · Post by **POD** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:33 pm

An interesting blast from the past I came across today. The cult mentality and arrogance are already apparent in this document, but I'd be interested in comparing it to one of today's certifications.

Grandpa's Spells · Post by **Grandpa's Spells** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:48 pm

Gin Master wrote:Look at the pages under "member candidate information." Go ahead and wrap a towel around your fist because so you don't cut it up while punching your monitor.

They're just dumbasses. This shit is funny. Why are you getting angry?

Kraj · Post by **Kraj** » Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:58 pm

Grandpa's Spells wrote:
Gin Master wrote:Look at the pages under "member candidate information." Go ahead and wrap a towel around your fist because so you don't cut it up while punching your monitor.
They're just dumbasses. This shit is funny. Why are you getting angry?

Good... Let the hate flow through you.

Mountebank · Post by **Mountebank** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:26 am

Now, I'd say that KStar ranks up there with Burg and Rip in terms of having valuable stuff to say...I'd trust him to work with nearly anybody recovering from an injury. The problem with the info that he's proposing here is what the non-qualified turdbrained dumbass @Fers will do with the information...
http://journal.crossfit.com/2009/06/why ... ticleTitle

The last thing most athletes recovering from an acute injury should do is take a month off from CrossFitting, Kelly Starrett told participants at a one day seminar at CrossFit Santa Cruz on March 14, 2009.

In part 2 of our series on how to train through acute injuries, Starrett said conventional advice can sometimes be mistaken. The recovery phase is when athletes need CrossFit most. When it comes to fitness, it’s a case of use it or lose it. Workouts should be modified, not abandoned. Do a workout on one leg, if necessary. Or consider Tabata intervals on day one of the recovery program, and let the intensity find you.

Working out increases blood flow and promotes healing. It drives insulin sensitivity, restores proteins and gets the whole system looking for anabolic enzymes. The recovery phase from an acute injury is also a great time to tackle your “goat” - the stuff you hate to do, but need to do.

Injured athletes are still athletes. They need to avoid feeling sorry for themselves and get their butts back into the gym. And quickly.

Okay, but what are injured @Fers? And haven't we already settled where elite @Fers get their "anabolic enzymes" from? The complete misunderstanding of the Tabata protocol that is worst among the @f commune is aggravating at the very least--"let the intensity find you"? Gawdammit, Tabata had Olympic speed skaters unable to finish 7-8 intervals of 20 sec. on, 10 sec. off on a fucking stationary bike! That's Tabata. Not simply doing whatever jackass exercise you want, at whatever intensity you want, for 8 rounds (because any less wouldn't be hardcore @F enough). Blurg.

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:50 am

those old broads doing team situps are actually halfway to badass.

Contrast that to these jokers, taking the piss in front of five thousand years of history:

http://www.crossfit.com/mt-archive2/bab ... argate.jpg

Fat Cat · Post by **Fat Cat** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 12:54 am

Marduk is angry.

Fish · Post by **Fish** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:14 am

Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run

I pretty much just made those up so don't look too hard into logistics or the exercise selection. I think the format of something like this would be much better, especially from a spectator point of view so they would actually know what the fuck is going on. Scoring could be based on a point system like an actual decathlon, or score it like they do for strongman competitions where it is based on how you score in relation to others.

What do you guys think?

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:20 am

Fish wrote:Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run

I pretty much just made those up so don't look too hard into logistics or the exercise selection. I think the format of something like this would be much better, especially from a spectator point of view so they would actually know what the fuck is going on. Scoring could be based on a point system like an actual decathlon, or score it like they do for strongman competitions where it is based on how you score in relation to others.

What do you guys think?

Instead of some sort of navel-gazing @fit-only gaymes, I think they should start walking their fuckin' talk and start cranking out elite PL, OL, SM, MMA, triathletes, football players and whatever else by means of all those elite modal domains of theirs.

I am, however, in favor of a pole dancing and wet t-shirt segment at the gaymes.

Holy Cow · Post by **Holy Cow** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:22 am

Fish wrote:Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run

I pretty much just made those up so don't look too hard into logistics or the exercise selection. I think the format of something like this would be much better, especially from a spectator point of view so they would actually know what the fuck is going on. Scoring could be based on a point system like an actual decathlon, or score it like they do for strongman competitions where it is based on how you score in relation to others.

What do you guys think?

I think if there's ever a big IGx gathering, this could be the competition.

Hank Scorpio · Post by **Hank Scorpio** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:28 am

As opposed to our quarterly Manhood Challenges?

The Nightman · Post by **The Nightman** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:28 am

Fish wrote:Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run

I pretty much just made those up so don't look too hard into logistics or the exercise selection. I think the format of something like this would be much better, especially from a spectator point of view so they would actually know what the fuck is going on. Scoring could be based on a point system like an actual decathlon, or score it like they do for strongman competitions where it is based on how you score in relation to others.

What do you guys think?

Because, brah, life isnt something you can train for. With a set format you can specifically train for the events and life is random, you know, like the squiggles in a tribal tat, specificity is for insects.

GoDogGo! · Post by **GoDogGo!** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:44 am

WildGorillaMan wrote:
I am, however, in favor of a pole dancing and wet t-shirt segment at the gaymes.

I think there's some vids online about Jessica Biel's pole dancing training. A valuable resource.

Trebuchet · Post by **Trebuchet** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:53 am

Fish wrote:Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run

You'd need at least one event that tests aerobic capacity and lasts more than 5 mins.
3-5km run or 10mins KBs...otherwise , you cannot claim to be "fittest" , whatever the F that means. Or even remotely tactical.

Fish · Post by **Fish** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:08 am

Trebuchet wrote:
Fish wrote:Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run
You'd need at least one event that tests aerobic capacity and lasts more than 5 mins.
3-5km run or 10mins KBs...otherwise , you cannot claim to be "fittest" , whatever the F that means. Or even remotely tactical.

Fair enough. What I posted originally came straight from my ass so feel free to criticize it in any way, shape or form. The reason I kept everything shorter was just to keep one long event from detracting from the rest. Longer events would have to be placed tactically to avoid destroying athletes early on. Running 3-5k before squatting 315 for reps just sounds too much like @fit. We are better than that. We have common sense.

Trebuchet · Post by **Trebuchet** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:12 am

How about a "volume of spew" event? If you can't puke you're not really trying , after all.

Fish · Post by **Fish** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:30 am

Trebuchet wrote:How about a "volume of spew" event? If you can't puke you're not really trying , after all.

Hell, there could even be t-shirts for that.

Fish · Post by **Fish** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 2:47 am

WildGorillaMan wrote:
Fish wrote:Instead of having something silly like the gaymes, why not create some sort of fitness decathlon? They could do ten different events that are pre-designated, and have a set scoring system to go along with them. As gay as something like that sounds, it could be pretty fun.

For example day one could be:
100m dash
Clean and Jerk 1RM
Squat - 315 x Max reps
Bench Press -225 x Max reps
400m run

Day two could be:
Deadlift 1RM
Kettlebell Long Cycle 2x70 - max reps in 3 minutes
Chin-ups(strict) - BWT x Max reps
Long jump
1500m run

I pretty much just made those up so don't look too hard into logistics or the exercise selection. I think the format of something like this would be much better, especially from a spectator point of view so they would actually know what the fuck is going on. Scoring could be based on a point system like an actual decathlon, or score it like they do for strongman competitions where it is based on how you score in relation to others.

What do you guys think?
Instead of some sort of navel-gazing @fit-only gaymes, I think they should start walking their fuckin' talk and start cranking out elite PL, OL, SM, MMA, triathletes, football players and whatever else by means of all those elite modal domains of theirs.

I am, however, in favor of a pole dancing and wet t-shirt segment at the gaymes.

The idea would not to take away from any established sports, it would be more of test that would attract athletes of multiple disciplines.

The truth also is that there are people out there that are not designed to be elite athletes in any particular sport, but still would like to compete. I understand that is one of the basic underlying premises of cultfit, but that does not make it any less correct. They tooking that idea and just fucking ran with it.

There definetely should be some sort of wet t-shirt contest at the gaymes, for the chicks that still have tits at least. I for one would be much more interested.

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:03 am

GoDogGo! wrote:
WildGorillaMan wrote:
I am, however, in favor of a pole dancing and wet t-shirt segment at the gaymes.
I think there's some vids online about Jessica Biel's pole dancing training. A valuable resource.

Bro, don't just throw shit like that out there without linking it up! Do some research that will benefit all of us!

Damien · Post by **Damien** » Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:57 am

Test of fitness:

Day 1:
Floor to overhead anyhow 1RM
Weight for height
Deadlift 1RM
5k run

Day 2:
KB Snatch 10min, unlimited handswitches
Max Push-Up/Dips
Max Pull-Ups
Hike w/50lbs backpack for time/distance

That would be pretty awesome actually and wouldn't need a lot of equipment.
The WFH could probably be replaced by something like a broad jump or such but is definately much cooler.
Dividing it up into a strength and an endurance day makes more sense to me.
Doing a max dead after a day of repetition squats, sprints, 400m dashes and whatnot would be death.
The 5k run shouldn't be that high impact to really make a difference.

IGX

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