The couch thread

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 2:17 pm

Anon wrote:http://library.crossfit.com/free/pdf/CF ... rength.pdf

Andro-Friday IP Violation

Are they finally admitting that Cultfit is for women only?

DrDonkeyLove · Post by **DrDonkeyLove** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 2:47 pm

Lots of people in many of these group @fit photos. Does Couch get to pocket any of the monthly fees these acolytes pay to the black boxes? Or, is it just certs and affiliate fees that support His open source fitness empire?

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 3:48 pm

An excellent crosspost from Dan John's Q&A forum on Dave Draper's site:

I remember when I first was introduced to CrossFit.

I was in Iraq, and stumbled upon their website after becoming disheartened with random BB crap I was getting in magazines.

I did the Austere Environment Program and made pretty good gains. I liked it so much that I made my whole platoon do it.

I decided I wanted to get stronger, so I did Starting Strength for about a year before moving on to doing Rip's TM and now Wendler's 5/3/1. I do sprints and KBs for "cardio," "METCON," whatever.

My friends in the CF community kept telling me how unfit I was becoming.

A couple of months ago I got the opportunity to work out at a CF affiliate for free while I was on TDY with the Army. I knew the guy running it, and I don't like lifting in a Globo Gym environment. He kept on saying that I should get on his programming to get back to my old level of "fitness." I said I wasn't interested. He insisted. So we started with the CFT...

I had the highest total ever in his box.

He had me do some "metcons." Every time, I had either the fastest or second fastest time. He kept trying to find a way that I was inferior to his athletes. Every time he failed.

It was as if I had told him everything he believed in was a lie. That is why CF has become a joke to me. All of their braggart claims of elitism are inane. It is like a religion to these people. The CF fundamentals are dogma, the science infallible, and their definition of fitness the true gospel. They disdainfully look down on those who train for "specificity." I guess being slightly better than average at a bunch of things is better than being an Olympic medalist in one thing. Whatever.

After all of the reasoning back and forth with my friend I finally said this to him:

"I am better than all of your gym at doing CF, yet I don't do CF. What does that say about CF?"

I am still waiting for an answer.

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 4:03 pm

protobuilder wrote:
Anon wrote:http://library.crossfit.com/free/pdf/CF ... rength.pdf

Andro-Friday IP Violation
Are they finally admitting that Cultfit is for women only?

I need a cigarette.

Kazuya Mishima · Post by **Kazuya Mishima** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 4:14 pm

protobuilder wrote:An excellent crosspost from Dan John's Q&A forum on Dave Draper's site:

I remember when I first was introduced to CrossFit.

I was in Iraq, and stumbled upon their website after becoming disheartened with random BB crap I was getting in magazines.

I did the Austere Environment Program and made pretty good gains. I liked it so much that I made my whole platoon do it.

I decided I wanted to get stronger, so I did Starting Strength for about a year before moving on to doing Rip's TM and now Wendler's 5/3/1. I do sprints and KBs for "cardio," "METCON," whatever.

My friends in the CF community kept telling me how unfit I was becoming.

A couple of months ago I got the opportunity to work out at a CF affiliate for free while I was on TDY with the Army. I knew the guy running it, and I don't like lifting in a Globo Gym environment. He kept on saying that I should get on his programming to get back to my old level of "fitness." I said I wasn't interested. He insisted. So we started with the CFT...

I had the highest total ever in his box.

He had me do some "metcons." Every time, I had either the fastest or second fastest time. He kept trying to find a way that I was inferior to his athletes. Every time he failed.

It was as if I had told him everything he believed in was a lie. That is why CF has become a joke to me. All of their braggart claims of elitism are inane. It is like a religion to these people. The CF fundamentals are dogma, the science infallible, and their definition of fitness the true gospel. They disdainfully look down on those who train for "specificity." I guess being slightly better than average at a bunch of things is better than being an Olympic medalist in one thing. Whatever.

After all of the reasoning back and forth with my friend I finally said this to him:

"I am better than all of your gym at doing CF, yet I don't do CF. What does that say about CF?"

I am still waiting for an answer.

Nice.

The main problem with Crossfit and their crazy Metcon workouts is that they think you can simultaneously develop strength, power, and endurance.

"Oh, gee...let me a do a million thrusters with 95lbs and I'll get swole, fast, and unstoppable."

It flies in the face of what everyone has known for a long time...too train optimally (as if there were such a thing) and attain elite levels you should really train those different qualities seperately and in a specific order within a single workout.

Not saying anything new, just teasing out the obvious logic of why the guy above had great results...when it was time to strength train he trained strength, when it was time to train endurance he trained endurance.

When it came time to express those qualities simlutaneously, he kicked the asses of those who don't know and haven't applied the rudimentary lessons from sports and exercise science.

It's really a simple thing...if you're strong you can always attain everything else (power, endurance), and attain it at a more rapid pace than piss weak yuppies playing bootcamp.

Kazuya Mishima · Post by **Kazuya Mishima** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 4:22 pm

WildGorillaMan wrote:
protobuilder wrote:
Anon wrote:http://library.crossfit.com/free/pdf/CF ... rength.pdf

Andro-Friday IP Violation
Are they finally admitting that Cultfit is for women only?
I need a cigarette.

I love how they've all gravitated toward the same "modest ensemble".

There's a definite "how does my body look" undercurrent throughout the whole Crossfit culture even though it doesn't get much lip service compared to the "elite athlete" narrative they like to spin, and they'd deny it to the last person if confronted with the notion that they REALLY care about how they look. You see it in the guys too with the shirtless pics, etc.

Look, you can do Crossfit in baggy sweats if you wanted to, but that ain't what I'm seeing.

theoverman · Post by **theoverman** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 4:24 pm

I am a lurker here.

I did @fit in my garage for nearly a year, kool-aid, vibrams, rings, etc. Since I quit 2 years ago and picked up barbells, I've gained no less than 20 pounds of muscle, maybe 30-35 pounds total. Strength doubled.

Edit- The picture isn't me, I am a dude.

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 4:26 pm

Kazuya Mishima wrote:There's a definite "how does my body look" undercurrent throughout the whole Crossfit culture even though it doesn't get much lip service compared to the "elite athlete" narrative they like to spin

Elite self-obsession.

A perfect program, by Californians (Glasshole), for Californians.

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:26 pm

OVERMAN! Nice first post.

It's been pointed out repeatedly in this thread that

-XF has ALWAYS been about appearance first, performance second.
-XF has never done what it was supposed to do.

I will say that the good XFer are, if not injured, in very good condition, and that the group support is excellent, and that the intensity of the workouts (intensity of effort) is high, and the trim is often delish.

However, except for Starrett and his crowing over some fucking rowers, the high level athletes aren't there.

theoverman · Post by **theoverman** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:34 pm

I think it goes deeper than that. Somewhere in this thread someone called the AssFisters "post-modern". I couldn't agree more. It is a sport of nonsport- a study of human duality.

I imagine Buddhist koans emanating from Couch Assman in a gin and ganja induced stupor somewhere in SoCal.

"Get stronger by becoming weaker"

"Become healthy by injuring yourself"

"Become the greatest at everything by doing nothing"

"If I puke and no one is around to hear it, do I still take a shirtless picture?"

This man understands humanity more than we will ever know. He is a walking contradiction.

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:38 pm

Great first post, weak second post.

Moar Andro Babes, less philosophizing.

Beelzebub · Post by **Beelzebub** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:39 pm

Shafpocalypse Now wrote:OVERMAN! Nice first post.

It's been pointed out repeatedly in this thread that

-XF has ALWAYS been about appearance first, performance second.
-XF has never done what it was supposed to do.

I will say that the good XFer are, if not injured, in very good condition, and that the group support is excellent, and that the intensity of the workouts (intensity of effort) is high, and the trim is often delish.

However, except for Starrett and his crowing over some fucking rowers, the high level athletes aren't there.

Shaf do I sense a bit of admiration in your tone towards @fit? Has the lure of hot @fit ass finally broken you down? Do you long to run outside without your shirt on to show the world a body forged by starvation, 5 kilo bumpers and shitty technique?

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:46 pm

Ah my man 'bub.

The duality of the nature of my XF hate has been discussed extensively. I will give a bit of credit where credit is due. For example, where else could aged, booze and weed befuddled Santa Cruz surf punk obtain not only ridiculous amounts of money, but more trim than he can handle without cialis?

Shaf do I sense a bit of admiration in your tone towards @fit? Has the lure of hot @fit ass finally broken you down? Do you long to run outside without your shirt on to show the world a body forged by starvation, 5 kilo bumpers and shitty technique?

You're right, I need to snap the fuck out of it. What was I thinking?

Blaidd Drwg · Post by **Blaidd Drwg** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:48 pm

Shafpocalypse Now wrote:OVERMAN! Nice first post.

It's been pointed out repeatedly in this thread that

-XF has ALWAYS been about appearance first, performance second.
-XF has never done what it was supposed to do.

I will say that the good XFer are, if not injured, in very good condition, and that the group support is excellent, and that the intensity of the workouts (intensity of effort) is high, and the trim is often delish.

However, except for Starrett and his crowing over some fucking rowers, the high level athletes aren't there.

I'll back Shaf on this one....crossfit may be the new cult of ridonkulous. i'll bet if you asked the average member of any cult, by many observable markers she'd be pretty happy. maybe daft but happy.

Crossfit has a huge advantage over any of it's reasonably avaiable alternatives which is that it is effective at what most people really want (abz) over what the say they want (health). For 90% of the chubby milfs out there who want to take one last run at fucking some college dudes, crossfit it route #1.... credit where it's due.

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:50 pm

Running shirtless in the snow used to be the exclusive modal domain of septuagenarian marathoners with lifelong exercise addiction who want to show the world their grizzled manass. There's one in every town. Now @fit is co-opting that, too.

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:50 pm

Do you long to run outside without your shirt on to show the world a body forged by starvation, 5 kilo bumpers and shitty technique?

I love that line.

Awesomeness.

Beelzebub · Post by **Beelzebub** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:53 pm

Shafpocalypse Now wrote:Ah my man 'bub.

The duality of the nature of my XF hate has been discussed extensively. I will give a bit of credit where credit is due. For example, where else could aged, booze and weed befuddled Santa Cruz surf punk obtain not only ridiculous amounts of money, but more trim than he can handle without cialis?

Shaf do I sense a bit of admiration in your tone towards @fit? Has the lure of hot @fit ass finally broken you down? Do you long to run outside without your shirt on to show the world a body forged by starvation, 5 kilo bumpers and shitty technique?
You're right, I need to snap the fuck out of it. What was I thinking?

Fuck. That was a close one. I though we almost lost you for a second. I was worried your next post might include a shot you doing a handstand or getting the word "Elite" tattooed in tribal lettering on your arm. And there is no way the couch surfs. I had heard a rumor that he was one of the original Mavericks crew but that has about as good chance of happening as Shave Asstroglide actually posting something worth a shit.

theoverman · Post by **theoverman** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:53 pm

yes of course.

KingSchmaltzBagelHour · Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:56 pm

]
Why did that one dude keep his shirt on?

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:59 pm

Those little kids better get on the paleo nutrition gig, look at their little bellies and bloated faces. Impending signs of impending diabetes and metabolic syndrome.

I bet their mommies don't even nurse them. Now that's fucking Paleo!

KingSchmaltzBagelHour · Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:02 pm

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:03 pm

Nice recovery, Overman.

Anon · Post by **Anon** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 6:42 pm

I am sad to say, that I remember when that chic (#19) joined the cult.

Do you think that I could drop a 65# snatch on my head enough times to forget some of that shit?

TerryB · Post by **TerryB** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:19 pm

Beelzebub wrote:Do you long to run outside without your shirt on to show the world a body forged by starvation, 5 kilo bumpers and shitty technique?

In what modal domain does a single female keep up with a pack of sprinting (presumably stronger) males?? Are they simply jogging?? If so, what elite modality is being developed, and why aren't the (presumably stronger) men jogging faster than the woman?

WildGorillaMan · Post by **WildGorillaMan** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:25 pm

protobuilder wrote:
Beelzebub wrote:Do you long to run outside without your shirt on to show the world a body forged by starvation, 5 kilo bumpers and shitty technique?
In what modal domain does a single female keep up with a pack of sprinting (presumably stronger) males?? Are they simply jogging?? If so, what elite modality is being developed, and why aren't the (presumably stronger) men jogging faster than the woman?

Because they want to look at her ass. Duh.

IGX

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