The couch thread

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Kazuya Mishima
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Re: The couch thread

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Re: The couch thread

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Re: The couch thread

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T200
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Re: The couch thread

Post by T200 »

Looks like she will be done with @Fit soon anyway. Too strong, too Robb Wolf/paleo.

Her other site: http://www.fitnessbootcampusa.com/paleo_chix/

A pic from the site just to prove stupidity:

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jscratch
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Re: The couch thread

Post by jscratch »

Fuck that stupid cunt. Not wanting your girl to join a cult does not count as abusive. That's just displaying @fits ability to get people to dismiss any and all that disagree with the program as being bad people. I'd hate to see what a physical mess she was before @fit if it's made that much of a difference because she is truly underwhelming now. Athlete indeed.

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Shaun B. O'Murnecan
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shaun B. O'Murnecan »

Please tell me that somewhere in this epic thread, this unintentional self-parody as been lauded for its greatest:

http://www.crossfiteastbay.com/coach-g-quotes.html
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Sassenach
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Sassenach »

powerlifter54 wrote: No Salvation that starts with a dude named "Goat" and ends with a thanks to the Glassman's ends well.
=D> =D> =D>
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

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powerlifter54
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Re: The couch thread

Post by powerlifter54 »

"Mr Bill does WOD with Goat and Pony"

OH NO MR BILL!!!

Deadlift 3-3-1-1-1




Rest 5 minutes




Do as many rounds as possible in 15 minutes of:




5 pull-ups

10 box jumps 20”/12” box

15 ab-mat sit-ups




Post times and hate mail to comments.


--------------------------------------------------------------


Today was a big day for CrossFit Rising. Today we taught our first class! The class consisted of Bill.


Bill is a fellow who Aileen and I know from the gym where she was a trainer for ten years. We called him up today, asked if he would like to see the place and do his workout there instead of at his usual gym. I assumed he would just do his bench workout, but he asked a bunch of questions about what we would be doing for our clients and then asked to do the workout I had designed for Aileen (posted above). So they worked out together. Awesome. Then I did my squat/press/deadlift work. Yes, I was the wet blanket.


Aileen: (scaled to blue band, jumps at 18")

D.L. 215# - 217.5 - 225 - 227.5 - 230

A.M.R.A.P. 8 rounds


Bill: (scaled to blue band, step-ups onto 12" box)

D.L. 225# - 235 - 245 - 247.5 - 247.5(m)

A.M.R.A.P. 5 rounds + 5 p.u. + 10 step-ups + 11 sit-ups


I thought a trainer's job was to motivate clients, but with Bill I had to keep telling him to stop, that he had enough reps, put the bar down. I think he enjoyed himself. Before he left he was trying to figure out when he could come back for another dose. Hope he doesn't change his mind when the D.O.M.S. sets in!
MR BILL, TOMMOROW RUN A 10K!
"Start slowly, then ease off". Tortuga Golden Striders Running Club, Pensacola 1984.

"But even snake wrestling beats life in the cube, for me at least. In measured doses."-Lex

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Anon
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Anon »

Norman U. Senchbau wrote:Please tell me that somewhere in this epic thread, this unintentional self-parody as been lauded for its greatest:

http://www.crossfiteastbay.com/coach-g-quotes.html
For posterity:

Coach G Quotes

"The line of reasoning that "the elements of CrossFit were well known and that therefor the program is not original" is factually and logically untenable. Beethoven invented nothing - the notes were each known to all. Shakespeare did nothing original in Hamlet - the words were common place. Andrew Wyeth bought his tempera from readily available sources - colors we've all seen before, so no original works there. Wofgang Puck is no chef - he's using ingredients I can find in my local grocery store. Absurd utterances each, stupid to repeat, and dangerous if believed.

CrossFit is as original as any novel, poem, musical score, recipe OR software (always ones and zeros, therefore never original)...

This argument/observation, used sadly by [some guy] last week, is so weak that when it was offered by one of the Queen's JAG's in Canada during meetings to formally decide whether Canadian Forces needed to attribute/compensate CrossFit for their use of our program, immediately on hearing this weak line of argument, the majority quickly decided that this, CrossFit, was IP and that attribution, compensation, and licensing was morally, ethically, and legally required. Good, good, people Canadians. Neither stupid nor dishonest. Great combination of attributes.

And, as for... CrossFit, being "extant knowledge", [this is] 100% wrong.

We've weathered attacks against every single facet of this concept from academia, commercial fitness, athletic training, and Internet turds with no athletic training or experience beyond Internet posting (DD, IronGarm, T-Nation). Truth is CrossFit is "Bizarro World" different from what is going on at every university sports program (except the ones we've infected), commercial gyms (except for the ones we've infected), and among exercise physiologists (except for the ones we've infected).

The problem is that [many people] came in during the third stage of Arthur Schopenhauer's dictum that "every truth passes through three stages before it is recognized. In the first it is ridiculed; in the second it is opposed; in the third it is regarded as self-evident." I actually enjoyed the first and second phases best!"

"Functional strength is the successful application of force along productive lines."

"Calm those worthless tremors." (speaking about motor adaptation in frictionless situations, i.e., rings)

"I'm a fitness whore, I don't care how you feel, only about performance."

"FrankenFitters" (on the top CrossFitters, such as Annie, Greg A., Eva T., Nicole C., Josh E., etc.)

"I don't want to grade my own papers." (on letting others validate the efficacy of CrossFit protocols)

"Insist foundational pieces are rock-solid."

"Response to stimulus is systemic rather than mechanical."

"We exist on the margins of decrepitude."

"Metabolically inert material can be carved off and replaced [with muscle] with no net displacement."

"No brain, no pain."

"Be stupid for me."

"Alter your hormonal milieu."

"Don't paint a dirty car." (on hiding poor form with more weight and/or speed)

"Dead cat, angry beaver, sleepy bug." ("rehab" exercises)

"If you cannot deadlift you are injured but asymptomatic."

"Like towing a car with a bungee cord." (bent arms in oly lifts)

"All the charm of a house of cards in the wind." (on poor form)

"Unsound mechanics at submaximal loads = injuries."

"Performance is directly correlated with intensity. Intensity is directly correlated with discomfort."

"We fail at the margins of our experience."

"Push-up, sit-up, jumping jack, lather, rinse, repeat." (weakness of most standard PT)

"Burn on the pyre of ego." (on the perils of failing to regulate intensity)

"CrossFit is open-source fitness technology."

"If you don't get the ABCs we don't jump into English Lit."

"Don't hammer a wine glass."

"First, second, third, dead fuckin' last." (on the motivating properties of keeping score)

"It is very motivating to get your sac publicly smoked by a five-foot female hippie pottery teacher from the local high school." (Special Forces reaction to CrossFit seminar)

"Vertical force translates well into rotational force."

"I have great cardio-respiratory endurance, it is just that the track is too long."

"Hiding from your weaknesses is a recipe for incapacity and error."

"Why don't you try some Judaism tonight?" (on people's fanatic attachment to their diet)

"We should call them Bagelarians." (on vegetarians)

"Triathletes are sorely lacking in strength, speed, power, flexibility, accuracy, agility, and coordination, but they've sure got a lock on malnutrition."

"Training for a fight by running twenty minutes everyday makes perfect sense if you plan on running away from your opponent and know you will be getting a ten minute headstart."

"The cost of regular extended aerobic training is decreased speed, power, and strength."

"An athlete diminished by excessive aerobic training is slow and weak. At CrossFit we call that state, 'spun-down.'"

"Stick to the basics and when you feel you've mastered them it's time to start all over again, begin anew - again with the basics - this time paying closer attention."

"Other than steroid use I cannot think of a single contribution to athletic performance coming from the sport science community."

"There is no single sport or activity that trains for perfect fitness. True fitness requires a compromise in adaptation broader than the demands of most every sport."

"Cardiorespiratory endurance, stamina, strength, power, speed, flexibility, agility, accuracy, balance, and coordination: you're as good as your weakest link."

"Squat, jump, climb, throw, lift."

"Generating and sustaining significant work output from the upper body is a critical domain generally, and sadly, reserved for rowers, combatants, and cross country skiers."

"No, it doesn't ever get any easier. You wouldn't want it to either."

"The most important criterion for exercise selection is neuroendocrine effect. Regardless of your sport or your fitness goals these moves are the shortest path to success."

"Endurance, stamina, strength, and flexibility are developed through training, and these adaptations manifest as measurable changes in the body. Coordination, agility, balance, and accuracy are developed through practice and these adaptations come about through changes in the nervous system. Power and speed have equal requirements for training and practice."

"Blur the distinction between strength training and metabolic conditioning for the simple reason that nature's challenges are typically blind to the distinction."

"A strength and conditioning regimen devoid of gymnastics practice and skills is deficient."

"Traditionally, callisthenic movements are high rep movements, but there are numerous bodyweight exercises that only rarely can be performed for more than a rep or two. Find them. Explore them!"

"Reserve the long slow distance work for recreational breaks from your regular training regimen."

"Farther, longer is not fitter, is not healthier."

"Your gym isn't complete without parallettes; not even close."

"Go home - Get 25-30 dips - then come back in here and you will have about 3 dips on my rings."

"Why is it that a guy with a 95 pound deadlift and 6 pull-ups is the first to worry about developing his grip?"

"Basketball, Volleyball, Wrestling, Boxing, and Football are each by large preponderance anaerobic not aerobic sports. Knowing and understanding this distinction is the first step to responsible, effective coaching."

"The nonviolent approach does not immediately change the heart of the oppressor. It first does something to the hearts and souls of those committed to it. It gives them new self-respect; it calls up resources of strength and courage that they did not know they had. Finally it reaches the opponent and so stirs his conscience that reconciliation becomes a reality." Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968, American Black Leader, Nobel Peace Prize Winner, 1964)

"When dealing with similarly enlightened souls it does do exactly that. When confronting the rest of the world this very same strategy turns you into Scooby Snacks."

"Mel Siff thought that everything he saw was bullshit; well since 99% of everything is bull-shit he was right 99% of the time--an amazing track record. This is the nature of the skeptic, a nature I shared with Dr. Siff."

"For many of our people fitness training has become their sport--a sport where the aims are simply to become as fit as possible."

"Few understand the overwhelming importance of anaerobic exercise to general fitness."

"The cost of regular extended aerobic training is decreased speed, power, and strength."

"The ultimate strength and conditioning facility is your own garage-gym."

"Prescribing thirty minute bouts of monostructural cardio (bike, run, swim, row, elliptical walker, etc.) in the hopes of maximizing fitness for a fight of five rounds of five minutes each is the epitome of incompetence."

"The notion that holding a heart rate of 180 bpm for twenty minutes on a bike is good cardio whereas holding 180 bpm for twenty minutes in a circuit of weightlifting is of lesser cardiovascular value is widespread yet ludicrous."

"I wish I knew how you could overstate the value of the deadlift."

"Develop the capacity of a novice 800 meter track athlete, gymnast, and weightlifter and you'll be fitter than any world class runner, gymnast, or weightlifter."

"The distinction we make between resistance training and metabolic training ("cardio") may seem clear to us, but nature honors no such distinction."

"Optimal physical competency is a compromise, a balancing act; a compromise between not only conflicting but perfectly antagonistic skills. The manner in which you resolve this conflict defines the quality of your fitness and is the art of exercise prescription."

"Pick up any book on nutrition, flip to the index, and look up insulin and hyperinsulinism. If there is nothing there the book is pure bull-shit, put it down."

"Just because you're 250 pounds doesn't excuse or exempt you from needing 25 pull-ups."

"Clear out your garage and turn it into a gym. There's no home improvement you can make that'll benefit you more."

"Be impressed by intensity, not volume."

"Why is it that strength training is commonly recognized as a discipline across several training modalities yet there is no equivalent metabolic conditioning recognized across multiple training modalities?"

"If you can brag about either a low 4's mile or a high 4's bench press you could also be a lot fitter." (No one has both.)

"Have fun screwing up...it means you are removing your ego from the problem."

"We are practicing not weightlifting but commitment. Commitment spawns success. Only by redoubling our efforts do we best succeed. Expecting success to motivate our efforts is the loser's gambit."

"The magic is in the movement, the art is in the programming, the science is in the explanation, and the fun is in the community."

"Work capacity is to fitness what location is to real estate."

"CrossFit is in large part derived from several simple observations garnered through hanging out with athletes for thirty years and willingness, if not eagerness, to experiment coupled with a total disregard for conventional wisdom. Let me share some of the more formative of these observations:


•Gymnasts learn new sports faster than other athletes.
•Olympic lifters can apply more useful power to more activities than other athletes.
•Powerlifters are stronger than other athletes.
•Sprinters can match the cardiovascular performance of endurance athlete even at extended efforts.
•Endurance athletes are woefully lacking in total physical capacity.
•With high carb diets you either get fat or weak.
•Bodybuilders can't punch, jump, run, or throw like athletes can.
•Segmenting training efforts delivers a segmented capacity.
•Optimizing physical capacity requires training at unsustainable intensities.
•The world's most successful athletes and coaches rely on exercise science the way deer hunters rely on the accordion."

•The kip is a transference of movement first generated in the horizontal plane, where it comes cheap and easy, to the vertical plane, where momentum and a perfectly timed pull from the back launch the athlete forcefully upward.


This "cheat" derives from a powerful and athletic reversal of hip direction like that of the clean and the snatch and expands the primary movers from just the back and arms down through the torso and hip to include the power zone. Far from being a cheat, kipping is a gateway skill with functional utility on the rings, parallel bars, high bar, and floor (the quickest way to get to your feet). Where most athletic communities avoid the kip, CF goes to great lengths to teach and learn it.
"Anonymous. Because none of us are as cruel as all of us."

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T200
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Re: The couch thread

Post by T200 »

Norman U. Senchbau wrote:Please tell me that somewhere in this epic thread, this unintentional self-parody as been lauded for its greatest:

http://www.crossfiteastbay.com/coach-g-quotes.html
LOL at CrossFit East Bay - It hasn't killed me yet
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T200
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Re: The couch thread

Post by T200 »

Holy shit at this nigger's resume and LOL at this name being Maximus.
Trainers/Maximus

Image

* First trained at CF NYC Black Box, 18th Affiliate with Keith Wittenstein, L3
* Apprenticeship under Mike Minimum, CF L3 trainer, Norcal Coordinator, at CF Oakland, 30th Affiliate
* CrossFit L1 directly certified by Greg Glassman in 2006 at CF HQ
* CrossFit L2 directly certified by Greg Glassman in 2007 at CF HQ
* Affiliated since 2006, Current Affiliation since 2007, 301st affiliate.

* CrossFit Basic Barbell Certified by Mark Rippetoe in 2006 at CF HQ (1st Barbell Cert).
* Refresher Certification in 2009

* Formal degree in Psychology


I am not a natural athlete and I have had to fight hard to get to where I am. Because of this, I have a better understanding of what it takes to make progress for the average person. Gifted athletes don't often make the best trainers: they are primarily visual learners who can copy what they see on an intuitive, sub-verbal level, so they sometimes cannot explain how to do what they do. The best trainers are mediocre athletes who have struggled like hell to get to where they are. I am proud to be of those mediocre athletes!

I was first exposed to CrossFit in 2003 through my Jujitsu practice. I became seriously interested in CF in 2004, when I was probably in the worst shape of my life; over the hill at 36 at 215 pounds (I'm only 5' 8") and 36% bodyfat. CrossFit helped me get my health and my life back and I have spent the last four years working full-time as a trainer.

I am constantly learning and improving my abilities as a Coach and have prepped athletes for the CrossFit Games, and other athletic pursuits. I work with everyone from world class elite athletes to folks coming off of cardiac events and open-heart surgery, blind athletes and everyone in between.

I am hard but I am not harsh: I don't believe in yelling (besides a little motivational light bellowing from time to time), pushing people harder than they are ready for or negativity in general.

I have an outstanding ability to push people far past where they thought their limits were by getting to know my athletes, developing and discussing strategies before training, and using simple, effective, motivational cues.

Contact Maximus

510.910.2919
Gayer than hell.
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BigAngry
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Re: The couch thread

Post by BigAngry »

While @fit babe hunting, I stumpled upon some disturbing photos:

Look ma, no hands, and we're gay:
Image

Pat, from SNL fame:
Image


Idiots:
Image
"when you walk thru the garden, you better watch your back..."

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T200
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Re: The couch thread

Post by T200 »

The other 2 pics? Of course they are retarded.

But this one? It is insane.
BigAngry wrote: Pat, from SNL fame:
Image
Image


KingSchmaltzBagelHour
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Re: The couch thread

Post by KingSchmaltzBagelHour »

Why?
What's wrong with it?
He's obviously increasing work capacity across broad time and modal domains.
Well within the 20% slop margin.
Get real, jerkoff.


KingSchmaltzBagelHour
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Re: The couch thread

Post by KingSchmaltzBagelHour »

Welcome Back Cotter's Horshack hit's the gym.


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Re: The couch thread

Post by KingSchmaltzBagelHour »

Is Maximus pulling 295?!?!?!...what a fucking stud.

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BigAngry
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Re: The couch thread

Post by BigAngry »

Or how about for those of you whose persuasion leans toward little asian boys (courtesy of @fit singapore):

Image
"when you walk thru the garden, you better watch your back..."

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Anon
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Anon »

See that guy in back of the Singapore picture with his mouth open...

That is called ______ing a photo...for the love of god, I cannot remember what the blank is.

Help? There is an entire web site dedicated to it....but I am at a loss, mental block going on 3 years.

Edit:

I think I got it...http://www.photobomb.net/

better: http://thisisphotobomb.com/
"Anonymous. Because none of us are as cruel as all of us."


T-L

Re: The couch thread

Post by T-L »

BigAngry wrote:While @fit babe hunting, I stumpled upon some disturbing photos:

Look ma, no hands, and we're gay:
Image
The two blonds behind the ghey dude, especially the one on the left are interesting. Wouldn't mind her squatting on me

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Anon
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Anon »

Moar Main Page @ssfit diplomacy...
ArmstrongSouthAfrica2009019.jpg
ArmstrongSouthAfrica2009019.jpg (76.83 KiB) Viewed 11011 times
"Anonymous. Because none of us are as cruel as all of us."

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powerlifter54
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Re: The couch thread

Post by powerlifter54 »

T200 wrote:

...
* First trained at CF NYC Black Box, 18th Affiliate with Keith Wittenstein, L3
* Apprenticeship under Mike Minimum, CF L3 trainer, Norcal Coordinator, at CF Oakland, 30th Affiliate
* CrossFit L1 directly certified by Greg Glassman in 2006 at CF HQ
* CrossFit L2 directly certified by Greg Glassman in 2007 at CF HQ
* CrossFit Basic Barbell Certified by Mark Rippetoe in 2006 at CF HQ (1st Barbell Cert).

...The best trainers are mediocre athletes who have struggled like hell to get to where they are. I am proud to be of those mediocre athletes!

...I work with everyone from world class elite athletes to folks coming off of cardiac events and open-heart surgery, blind athletes and everyone in between.
3 Questions for Maximus:

1. Do you bend your elbows when nutswinging?

2. What sport are you mediocre at and when was your last competition?

3. Name a world class Elite Athlete you work with and when was their last competition?
"Start slowly, then ease off". Tortuga Golden Striders Running Club, Pensacola 1984.

"But even snake wrestling beats life in the cube, for me at least. In measured doses."-Lex

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Mickey O'neil
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Mickey O'neil »

Anon wrote:Moar Main Page @ssfit diplomacy...
ArmstrongSouthAfrica2009019.jpg
That is one dumb motherfucker.

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Shaun B. O'Murnecan
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shaun B. O'Murnecan »

Nigger fucking Christ?! Is there a name associated with this cunt?
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T200
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Re: The couch thread

Post by T200 »

New guy:
Torn Cartilage in wrist
Hi,
I"m rather new to CF and I absolutely love it. I've been Crossfitting for 20 days now and I've lost 25lbs. I'm thrilled with the results I'm getting. However, I recently found out that I have torn my TFCC (triangular fibrocartilage complex) in my right wrist and I will be having surgery on it Friday 090410. The Doc says I'll be out of commission for 2-3 weeks maybe more. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can work around this? I love doing the WOD because its always different. I don't want to spend the next few weeks just running laps. I would appreciate any advice you can give me.
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gin Master »

T200 wrote:
Norman U. Senchbau wrote:Please tell me that somewhere in this epic thread, this unintentional self-parody as been lauded for its greatest:

http://www.crossfiteastbay.com/coach-g-quotes.html
LOL at CrossFit East Bay - It hasn't killed me yet
That site provided me with 90% of the material when I made that Couch Q&A.

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