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Americans, Who Are All Doctors, Embrace "Gluten-Free" Crap

John and Jane Doe, residents of 123 Main Street, Anytown, USA, are just your perfectly average American consumers: board-certified gastroenterologists, who will only purchase "Gluten-Free" food items, because they have scientifically confirmed their own celiac sensitivity with extensive medical testing.

That's a joke! Now, from behind a curtain, we bring out the actual John and Jane Doe, the perfectly average American consumers who are experts primarily in NASCAR and sex tips gleaned from Cosmopolitan magazine, and who will only purchase "Gluten-Free" food items because uh, their friend Pam said it really helped her skin look fresher, and they heard a thing on the Today show about how it saved some kid's life somewhere?

A very small percentage of Americans have celiac disease. They should not eat gluten. An estimated (*grain of salt here*) 6% of Americans may have "gluten sensitivity." They might want to avoid gluten, sure. Yet Ad Age notes today that approximately 100% of Americans Who Would Like to Give You Diet Advice are convinced that they must pursue a "gluten-free" diet. Why? "Only 2% of shoppers who buy gluten-free foods do so because they have celiac disease, while 59% said they buy such products because they think they're more healthful, according to a 2013 shopper survey published by the Food Marketing Institute."

Because Americans are doctors, that's why.

Still, [food industry analyst Phil Lempert] predicts that "the bubble will burst" in a couple years. "Gluten-free products are expensive, so that will drive shoppers away from buying them once they realize little or no benefits from the diet." For instance, Betty Crocker gluten-free chocolate- brownie mix costs 38¢ per ounce, compared with 16¢ per ounce for regular fudge-brownie mix.

"As long as you take the gluten out of the brownie mix, a good thing to include in a healthy diet is brownie mix." - John and Jane Doe, American consumerdoctors.

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:Living in the Bay Area, I see this shit all the time, and not just with gluten.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in February. One acquaintance told her that she didn't need chemo; she just needed to eat a lot of shiitake mushrooms.

SubClaw wrote:

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:Living in the Bay Area, I see this shit all the time, and not just with gluten.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in February. One acquaintance told her that she didn't need chemo; she just needed to eat a lot of shiitake mushrooms.

I really hope she's okay now.

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:

SubClaw wrote:

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:Living in the Bay Area, I see this shit all the time, and not just with gluten.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in February. One acquaintance told her that she didn't need chemo; she just needed to eat a lot of shiitake mushrooms.

I really hope she's okay now.

Thanks, yeah, she's through her course of chemo and we're just waiting on the final surgery. Everything looks good so far.

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:

SubClaw wrote:

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:Living in the Bay Area, I see this shit all the time, and not just with gluten.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in February. One acquaintance told her that she didn't need chemo; she just needed to eat a lot of shiitake mushrooms.

I really hope she's okay now.

Thanks, yeah, she's through her course of chemo and we're just waiting on the final surgery. Everything looks good so far.

msr2112 wrote:Here's the deal with gluten.

Gluten is mostly prevalent in crappy processed foods.
People stop eating crappy processed foods and they feel better.

It's a gluten free miracle!

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:

SubClaw wrote:

Bud Charniga's gaping asshole wrote:Living in the Bay Area, I see this shit all the time, and not just with gluten.

My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer in February. One acquaintance told her that she didn't need chemo; she just needed to eat a lot of shiitake mushrooms.

I really hope she's okay now.

Thanks, yeah, she's through her course of chemo and we're just waiting on the final surgery. Everything looks good so far.

Pinky wrote:Another funny thing about gluten free products is that people who actually have a gluten intolerance will gain weight if they do nothing to their diet other than switch to gluten-free versions of whatever they had been eating. The reason is that gluten intolerance (when not imaginary) messes up your ability to absorb nutrients.

If "I feel so much better" isn't also followed by "...but now I have to watch what I eat for the first time in my life", the person probably wasn't gluten intolerant or they made other changes at the same time.

Schlegel wrote:I have a friend who has Celiac disease- she was literally malnourished no matter how much she ate or how many vitamins she took. Some simple blood tests of things like iron and B vitamin serum levels showed drastic alterations after she cut out gluten. So it does happen, but no way is it as often as people seem to assume.

There seem to be waves of things that everybody is "allergic" to; I remember when it was MSG, then it was sulfites, then dairy. Now it's gluten.