IGX

Most of the books recommended here on living well are lengthy tomes on how to gaze at your navel until it no longer appears as your navel. But someone recommended Constructive Living, and it sounded interesting.

The theory is based on two schools of psychotherapy arising in Japan in the early 20th century that originated with Masatake Morita and Ishin Yoshimoto. The author, David Reynolds, a Westerner, fused the ideas into Constructive Living.

The theory is against the western notion that we heal our psyches by digging deep into our unconscious and our feelings and expressing them, that we can label a set of feelings as a neurosis or disease, and that we achieve psychic health by generating self-esteem. The theory thinks folks who do this end up obsessive, self-centered, over-focused on health, and self-conscious.

The theory is for doing rather than feeling. The basic idea is it’s OK to feel whatever you’re feeling and acknowledge it, but then you do what should be done. Accept reality, live with purpose, and do what needs to be done. Just do it, no visioning or self-talk or talking it out with others beforehand, just do it. So, as an example, if you come home from work angry, that’s OK, but treat your kids nice and then treat your wife nice rather than spending the night telling her all your woes.

It couples this idea with a special approach to viewing reality. The basic notion is that reality is that others have contributed to each of us immeasurably and we should be perpetually grateful. For any relationship, we’re supposed to ask three questions. What have I received from others? What have I given others? What troubles have I caused others? Intense practitioners dig deep into these questions for every relationship to develop the attitude of gratitude for each of their relationships.

The author highlights the extremeness of this position by saying that a practitioner would advise an adult whose dad abused her to think hard about all the good things the dad did (like economic support, loving non-abusive times) and to think about what troubles the child may have caused the dad.

Very thought-provoking. One big take-away was that I don’t thank you very often, and I could easily say it genuinely a dozen times a day. I’ve been trying, but it’s a hard habit and outlook to develop. Also, the critique of the feelings orthodoxy in our culture is powerful, and is something I’ve caught myself on a number of times in thinking through things about myself and in listening to and providing advice to others.

Other parts of the theory are very troubling. I think the notion of just do it is fine for programming robots, but that humans are much more complex and vulnerable. I also think the radical notion of gratitude is a utopian notion that assumes we should be like angels. Utopian ideas generally end up tragic because humans aren’t angels.

Hebrew Hammer wrote: I think the notion of just do it is fine for programming robots, but that humans are much more complex and vulnerable.

I don't disagree, but for a person mired in self-pity and depression, there's great therapeutic value in "get off your ass and help other people."

If you are so busy accomplishing things that you forget your depression, are you still depressed? Then later, alone in bed, will you say to yourself "I'm awful, people would hate me if they knew me," or "I was feeling awful, but I did a lot of good today?"

The author has a website, which is worth checking out. http://www.constructiveliving.org/

That reminds me Hebe. You haven't sent me another care package in almost a year. I was grateful, thanked you and all you've done is slip back into your selfish Jew behavior patterns. What the fuck's the matter with you?

Hebrew Hammer wrote: It couples this idea with a special approach to viewing reality. The basic notion is that reality is that others have contributed to each of us immeasurably and we should be perpetually grateful. For any relationship, we’re supposed to ask three questions. What have I received from others? What have I given others? What troubles have I caused others? Intense practitioners dig deep into these questions for every relationship to develop the attitude of gratitude for each of their relationships.

This part of CL comes from Naikan Therapy and I use it with my sex offenders. Effectiveness yet to be determined.

Fat Cat wrote:

Hebrew Hammer wrote: It couples this idea with a special approach to viewing reality. The basic notion is that reality is that others have contributed to each of us immeasurably and we should be perpetually grateful. For any relationship, we’re supposed to ask three questions. What have I received from others? What have I given others? What troubles have I caused others? Intense practitioners dig deep into these questions for every relationship to develop the attitude of gratitude for each of their relationships.

This part of CL comes from Naikan Therapy and I use it with my sex offenders. Effectiveness yet to be determined.

It probably shouldn't, but that reads pretty funny, "my sex offenders."
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"The contract negotiations were going poorly, so I sent in my sex offenders and the other side came around within minutes."
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"How is it going with your sex offenders?"

"Most of them are learning quickly, but Otis can never restrain the woman's hands before she maces him. He may not have what it takes."

My sex offenders are not amused.

Fat Cat wrote:

Hebrew Hammer wrote: It couples this idea with a special approach to viewing reality. The basic notion is that reality is that others have contributed to each of us immeasurably and we should be perpetually grateful. For any relationship, we’re supposed to ask three questions. What have I received from others? What have I given others? What troubles have I caused others? Intense practitioners dig deep into these questions for every relationship to develop the attitude of gratitude for each of their relationships.

This part of CL comes from Naikan Therapy and I use it with my sex offenders. Effectiveness yet to be determined.

I can tell you right now before you waste any more time, it won't work unless you provide the sensory deprivation torture they need where they can really get into some serious introspection. Maybe get those sex offenders locked into a dark dungeon with no clothes on and only a little stale bread and water once every 3 days or so.

How about a bare room with nothing to look at except each other?

I'll save you thanking me a head of time for knowing anything at all about this. You all are welcome, sex offenders prosecuted or not.