Drinking Stories

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Tue May 07, 2013 2:30 am

I tend to get on one every so often.

Last night was one of those times.

But I'll share my most absurd one.

It was college, I was 18 and I had made it my goal to drink a bunch of alcohol on some random Saturday night. This is only the second time I had gotten very drunk, and the first was 5 months or so before.

I bought hard alcohol from my roommate, plus a bottle of Cisco Red and a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20 -- if you're not familiar with those last two, they are dirt cheap liquors. The first one is a wine made from the crap you find on the side of the wine barrels, the other was some fruity wine cooler thing with 20% alcohol.

Me and some friends played Bullshit! in a circle. It was supposed to be drink if BS gets called on you correctly, but soon enough I just started taking shots whenever of all 3 of those. This went on for an hour or so.

I left the group with one of the girls to show her my room and then disappeared.

My friends found me 20 minutes later, they thought two dogs were fighting in this field on the way to the party, but it was me and this girl hooking up with each other, rolling in the dirt.

They bring us to the party and we keep making out on the ground, in the mud. I had long hair at the time and hadn't been following any kind of weight training, and people thought we were two lesbians.

My friends picked me up at one point and leaned me against a low fence, and my body bent over backwards. So then they propped me back up and I started puking, the girl was still trying to make out with me while I was vomiting, but my friends restrained her. When I was finished we went back to making out in the mud, and now the vomit.

Eventually, I left the party sans keys, made out with her in a childrens park on a swing for a while, sobered up, then walked her home to the dorms and fell asleep. The aftermath was she was horrified at her behavior, quickly got a boyfriend and people I didn't recognize would come up to me for the next few weeks and ask if i was okay. I also trashed my clothes.

I have a problem with alcohol if I don't keep an eye on it -- usually 6 drinks is my max and that's been since I was 18, but when I get nights where I drink as much as possible, especially if my confidence is high going into it -- then I get nuts.

It's nothing admirable, alcoholism runs in a lot of families, including mine. But I guess the stories are the only thing good that can come out of it, so that's why I'm sharing.

baffled · Post by **baffled** » Tue May 07, 2013 3:36 am

This thread sucks

Protobuilder · Post by **Protobuilder** » Tue May 07, 2013 4:29 am

It does now.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Tue May 07, 2013 4:37 am

I need Dr. Akidsotrong in here, that dude gets trashed and is a good writer

Protobuilder · Post by **Protobuilder** » Tue May 07, 2013 4:41 am

Maybe if you have pictures of the lesbians in the mud, you could save this thread.

The Ginger Beard Man · Tue May 07, 2013 4:44 am

All my drinking stories end in blackouts.

milosz · Post by **milosz** » Tue May 07, 2013 4:54 am

My oldest friend is a chick. We'll go months without seeing each other then get together and get wasted.
Went drinking with her after one of these intermissions. Toward the end of the night she's shitfaced and starts breaking down - turns out she's late, blah blah blah. Driving her home, I stop at Wal-Mart and she gets a pregnancy test. I then get the evillest stinkeye from the elderly black woman checking us out - apparently it's gauche to have a drunk, crying girl buy a pregnancy test while wondering aloud about abortion options. I just wanted to tell the woman I hadn't hooked up with my friend in years, I was just being a good guy!
Get back to her mom's house where she's staying - the stick comes back negative and I proceed to get probably the best drunk, drawn-out teasing blowjob of my life in celebration.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Tue May 07, 2013 4:57 am

Terry B. wrote:Maybe if you have pictures of the lesbians in the mud, you could save this thread.

Bram · Post by **Bram** » Tue May 07, 2013 5:00 am

Hahah, miscommunication makes for the funniest scenarios milosz. I definitely have not gotten head due to failed pregnancy tests, good on you

Protobuilder · Post by **Protobuilder** » Tue May 07, 2013 5:01 am

Bram wrote:
Terry B. wrote:Maybe if you have pictures of the lesbians in the mud, you could save this thread.

OK, this is now the second best thread of the day.

Yes I Have Balls · Post by **Yes I Have Balls** » Tue May 07, 2013 8:15 pm

Is this even a "story": 1) College; 2) drunk 3) making out with random chick 4) vomit....

and that's the BEST one you have.

This thread sucks.....

nafod · Post by **nafod** » Tue May 07, 2013 8:47 pm

Back when drinking and driving were I guess tacitly approved, while driving home on the Norfolk-VA Beach Expressway at zero-dark-early, where although the speed limit was 65 or so I was maxed out skills-wise at maybe 40 but luckily was the only car on the road, got off on an exit with automated toll booths, and parked in the left toll spot was some kind of car that was completely consumed with flames, to the point that they were overlapping well into the right lane. At which point I judiciously rolled up my driver-side window, put away my dime, and kept my speed up and drove through the wall of fire, never looking back. Really don't remember much else from that night.

baffled · Post by **baffled** » Tue May 07, 2013 9:57 pm

If these are your best drinking stories, you may as well be a Mormon.

milosz · Post by **milosz** » Tue May 07, 2013 10:06 pm

I vomited out the window of my truck once, while I was driving. The rest of the night is, surprise surprise, blurry.

seeahill · Post by **seeahill** » Tue May 07, 2013 11:40 pm

Went scuba diving after a night in which I was over-served. Felt sea-sick on the boat to the dive site. Was able to hide it and only puked my guts out at 90 feet, in secret, behind a big sea fan. Take the regulator out, garf, but it back. Repeat several times.

I'm not one to brag, but that was one of my great achievements.

Protobuilder · Post by **Protobuilder** » Wed May 08, 2013 12:41 am

I went to a party and had a few too many, felt a buzz and took a taxi home. However, I took a few Tylenol before sleeping and felt fine the next day.

KingSchmaltzBagelHour · Wed May 08, 2013 12:44 am

The only person who should tell stories about alcohol and drugs on here is T200.
That guy takes it to another level, your shit is strictly amature hour.

KingSchmaltzBagelHour · Wed May 08, 2013 12:45 am

I got drunk once at a wedding, but alcoholism runs in my family.

syaigh · Post by **syaigh** » Wed May 08, 2013 12:49 am

seeahill wrote:Went scuba diving after a night in which I was over-served. Felt sea-sick on the boat to the dive site. Was able to hide it and only puked my guts out at 90 feet, in secret, behind a big sea fan. Take the regulator out, garf, but it back. Repeat several times.

I'm not one to brag, but that was one of my great achievements.

I'm kind of impressed. Puking underwater seems like it should be a superhero power.

Shafpocalypse Now · Post by **Shafpocalypse Now** » Wed May 08, 2013 12:59 am

A drunk buddy tried to shoot his cheating stripper girlfriend as she came out of the bar. He was an accomplished rifleman and hunter, and had her in his sights from two parking lots away. He pulled the trigger, but the safety was still on.

He got out of the car, walked to a nearby party store and called me sobbing from a pay phone.

I went and picked him up. When I got there he was being menaced by some ghetto thugs, and I had to grab my big ass pry bar to get them to back the fuck off.

Took him home, he was shaking and didnt say a word. Eventually, another buddy came by with some nice green, and he told us the story.

We drove back to get his car, and as I unloaded and put the rifle away, I looked out across that expanse, and thought to myself that he should have shot the bitch.

milosz · Post by **milosz** » Wed May 08, 2013 1:08 am

Technically not a drinking story, but I got dosed in Vegas.

Went to a nightclub and bar convention with five coworkers/friends - we stayed in a condo a mile off the strip, which kind of sucked but hey, free trip. Me, the married woman who owned the bar I worked at (who I was fucking), an engaged couple and two more chicks.
First night, we get ready to go to the Strip, the girls are taking forever so the other guy and I take the shuttle first. We get in 30 minutes of shots and ogling the skanky bartenders at a terrible bar in front of the Imperial Palace on the strip. It wanted to be a dive, but it came off as an Ed Hardy shirt come alive. The bartenders were wearing tiny shorts and ripped fishnets and had bad tattoos. Sold.
The girls finally show up about 1, we drink and dance for a little bit, I order a round of shots. They accidentally give me Goldschlager for someone who only drinks Rumple - I turn around to get it replaced and...
That's the last thing I remember.

I come to six hours later when the married woman (MW) slaps me across the face - all I see is the desert off to one side of the strip (the area between the Strip and the Palms, I think). I'm confused, have no idea where I am or what's happened - turns out we'd just walked out of a strip club at 7:30am. I've been talking to her as if she were another person (one of the girls on the trip) for an hour - and spent the two hours prior yelling at her for no reason, as if she were another person. She would sit in the entrance of the strip club, I'd come out and berate her, then go back in to the strippers. This continued on until I'd used up the $600 in cash I had on me, apparently.
A minute or two after she slaps me, I pull out my phone and call my friends - I tell them that (married woman) and I are safe, I don't know what's happened, we're going to get a hotel room and figure out what's going on. In my mind, it's been 3 days since I saw them. I don't know why but I remember very clearly being convinced that I missed out on days. In reality, it's been about three hours. As best as I can piece together the story, we left shitty rock bar for another bar, then I said STRIP CLUB, we went to this place, left to go to the Hard Rock Casino but they wouldn't let me in there, so MW and I returned to the strip club. I have no idea why she stuck with me through the night - aside from this she was a terrible human being, but crazy in bed - but I don't even want to think about the outcome if she hadn't.

MW and I walk back to the condo, my lips are turning purple from dehydration or whatever, I'm constantly on the verge of vomiting. We stop at Harrah's, she goes in to find a bottle of water but it takes a while and I start to panic that I hallucinated her. Finally we get back to the condo, I crawl in bed and just want to die for the rest of the day. I can't eat, no amount of water makes me feel hydrated. I stayed in the condo for 24 hours, barely moving.

The story comes out the next day that a creepy dude had been dancing with one of the single girls, he handed her a shot, she handed it to me - and off to the races I went. Aided, in no doubt, by copious amounts of booze and Red Bull and fuck only knows what I might have done along the way.

milosz · Post by **milosz** » Wed May 08, 2013 1:09 am

I would pay every dime I have to regain 100% recollection of that night. (This is not particularly burdensome, I don't have much money.)

I dig big chicks · Post by **I dig big chicks** » Wed May 08, 2013 2:38 am

Okay, I've got some stories. College, post-college, ex-wife, wife, friends, etc. I'll start with this one.

My second semester Freshman year in College I switched rooms to a single. Staying with the group I was with first semester I'd have gotten kicked out of school. I went from drinking every night to only the weekends.

One night, my friends were gone and my brother had brought me a bottle of Southern Comfort and a 12 pack of beer. Good, shitty beer like every college kid should have. I started drinking about 5, went to dinner, then came back to the room and started drinking again. I ran out of SOCO and ran out, too, of the beer. So I decided to go out, but it's late and had no idea where I would end up. I hopped on the local vomit comet and found a party at the Men's Rugby house, where I was quickly told I couldn't drink because I was underage, and I was given a cup. I have no fucking idea how much I drank, as some of this is blurry. But in the middle of the party, I hear a loud voice screaming my name. I turn around it's this huge fucking guy I wrestled in high school; he played rugby. I'd beaten him twice pretty easily, throwing him both times to his back for a quick pin, and he decided he wanted a rematch. So the crowd clears some room for us. So there's this giant fucking black guy, about 300 pounds and 6'4, and me, about 6'1 and 240, long ass hair and a beard, with a crowd around us cheering and throwing beer at us, and I fucking headlock him again, this time into the bar in the rugby house. We fucking knock the thing apart. It's an amicable destruction, but still I'm told to head out pretty quickly as the cops have been called by some neighbors.

My best drug stories are the flashbacks I get doing 20 rep squats.

syaigh · Post by **syaigh** » Wed May 08, 2013 11:29 am

This one time in college, I was coming down off an acid trip and went to subway with my trip buddy cause we were starving. I saw two women in a booth when I walked in but was mostly focused on trying to be normal because one of my family friend's kids was working behind the counter. As I'm paying for my sandwich, I heard one of the women exclaiming loudly to the other in a gravelly ashtray voice, "THAT SUMMABITCH WOULD'NT PAY ME BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE ARM". And she did. And no teeth. And that's the only time I've ever seen a toothless one-armed hooker.

The Venerable Bogatir X · Wed May 08, 2013 12:24 pm

I quit drinking. i am just too damned good at it.

IGX

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