IGX

I've lost my way. I greatly prefer reading to watching videos, and prefer a quality doc or feature film to junk. But I watch a lot of junk and don't read as much as I want to or should. I used to enjoy lifting and other exercise and now I have to force myself and don't do as much as I need. I haven't lived my own life, the life I want, the life that's right for me. I didn't even put that much effort into the right things. I know all this and I take the wrong path most days and I'm not the only one. Why does this happen? Why do people get off the path? I wish I knew. As with many of these questions I have the belief that if I had the right answer I would solve the problem, or as much of it as I'm able to solve. Maybe the quest for answers is part of the problem but maybe better insight might help to fix it.

People lose their way for different reasons. Some people follow someone else's agenda (done that), some put it off for another day (Ibid.), some do what seems to be needed at the moment and don't think about where the path leads.

Is there a general underlying reason why people do this? Why do you guys think people lose their way?

As someone who lost their way pretty badly….

* Hanging out with the wrong people
* Chasing the wrong goals
* Not trusting my gut or inner compass

I’ll share my worst time. I was 20, selling weed, and smoking tons of it. My grades sucked. I had auditory hallucinations. I hung out with sketchy people. I basically felt like I was blind, living in an abandoned mine, and stumbling through life.

Less than a year before, I had been in the best shape of my life, with straight-A’s, acted in a movie, hosted my own radio show, and had a great girlfriend.

In a sense, I’ve never been that high-achieving person since. But I really was lost for at least 6 years. Therapy, prioritizing meaningful friendships, believing in God (non-religious), and quitting weed all helped.

EDIT: There’s another element I forgot about….

When something happens to us, we can build internal walls to protect ourselves. But those same walls can also imprison us.

When I was 9, my mom died of cancer. The pain she went through was awful to watch. To protect myself, after losing her, I erected a number of emotional walls. It wasn’t until I was 18, working at a summer camp, surrounded by kids and their good energy, that I felt safe enough to let down those walls. Losing those walls allowed me to flourish.

When I was 20, and went through the thing I mention above, I built new walls, which I’ve never been able to let go of fully.

* Hanging out with the wrong people
* Chasing the wrong goals
* Not trusting my gut or inner compass

I've done all of those things.

When something happens to us, we can build internal walls to protect ourselves. But those same walls can also imprison us.

That's a good thought. I have done this my whole life. I do this daily, in fact -- there are things I thought when I was in a bad way and many of them have stayed with me. They aren't even effective defenses either -- they were what I came up with at time T and I still do or believe at T plus n years.

The only thing that knocked my walls down was the sustained, unconditional good energy from those kids. Feeling accepted and warmly welcomed all day, every day, for a couple months in a row, was the first time I could remember feeling like I was good enough since my mom passed.

I’d love to have that level of connection again :)

I think Bram's points are on the money. Living for someone else's agenda resonates as does retaining bad advice or criticism. I also think if you've really tried to give something or someone your best and it's blown back on you - that's enough to put fractures in your path.

For me it's a bit of a existential one too.

I was lamenting to my aunt and uncle last weekend how I feel like I've wasted a lot of time. Not in a "I could be Jeff Bezos!" way. Rather, my life since I've been about 16 has been intertwined tightly with art, and my daily schedule has really never changed. If I had the discipline to have do a small amount of practise each night, I could be so far ahead of where I'm at. There's really been nothing preventing me from doing this, except maybe my relationship for the past 6 years, but even regardless of that I've had so much time to really hone what I enjoy. I just haven't.

My uncle in his late 70s just laughed and said "yeah but that's life". The important thing is I have done things over time, consistently, it's just the volume of it isn't what it could be. Changing this presently...but...

Losing my mum in 2019 shredded my sails. The fleetingness of life suddenly became very vivid and I just thought "what's the point?" - I think I'm in the abyss Bram describes still. Lots of dark nights of the soul and I'm feeling things on levels I never imagine, but the goal is clear: use the gifts God gave me to get better at what I enjoy most. Afterall, Norm Macdonald said it's an insult to God to not use your talents.