Which one of you is this?

[Bennyonesix1]

I'm betting it's Turd and he's muttering "raycissts and conspiracies delenda est". They are offerings to his god Bill Buckley patron saint of the GOP.


My(29f) relationship with my fiance(32m) is crumbling (lol) over dirtballs

Apologies in advance for length and dad jokes…

Background: we have been together for over 4 years, cohabitating for 2 and until now there have never been any major arguments. We are both very “normal” people – no extreme hobbies, not collectors, not obsessive, very mainstream in terms of our social habits and activities. So I’m embarrassed to even be posting this and feel like I am going crazy.

At the beginning of this year my fiance started making mudballs. What are mudballs? They are just dirt and water mixed together, rolled into a ball, refrigerated, then rolled around in a towel for days. Out come these shiny balls. They are literally dried dirt balls, that’s it. They are worth nothing, and the completed ball isn’t used for any purpose or as part of another hobby.

Well my fiancé has become OBSESSED with making these balls. I have witnessed that making them takes a lot of effort and time. The first month, my fiancé was content making 1 ball at a time. I was very supportive but honestly thought this was a brief infatuation that would soon end. But it quickly snowballed (heh heh) into making multiple balls at the same time, nonstop. Many weird and annoying things have unfolded since he started.

1 - We live in an urban area so not much access to dirt. He leaves me every weekend to go dig up different dirts at random places. I went with him in the beginning, but digging a bunch of holes isn’t fun. I stopped going when I stepped into one of the holes and fell, and my fiancé was too busy digging another hole to help.

2 - You can’t go to the same place all the time because different dirts create different colors and textures for the ball. My fiancé has embarrassed me asking friends and family (even my parents) if he could come dig on their property for their dirt. I had to stop him from asking his boss who owns a beautiful country home. I convinced him it was an inappropriate request (but the real reason was that I was thinking dude you are being so weird)

3 - I deeply believe he has trespassed illegally to obtain dirt.

4 - I never get any time with him anymore. Or I should say any time we have is me sitting there while he labels his supplies and shines these balls and reads his online forums.

5 - The balls are taking over our home. We both do well and live in a lovely, large, luxury condo. Our spare bedroom, as well as part of our dining room, living room, office, and kitchen have been taken over with ball making materials. We must have dozens of completed balls “on display”. Half the refrigerator is individually bagged, in-process balls. I find myself having to freeze things or do smaller shopping trips because there is no room. Originally, we agreed he would get one shelf. Now he has 2, and he has cut up a foam egg crate pad to line his shelves so the balls won’t flatten while chilling. Despite having 2 shelves, I still find small containers of clay and mud in my door shelves (I only have 1 shelf plus the doors to work with).

6 - I am embarrassed to have people over and have stopped because deep down I think the balls and supplies are weird and shameful in their quantity.

7 - He is using and sometimes destroying my/our things without asking. Now, I am very much a what’s mine is yours type of gal, but this is all too much. All of my sharpies have gone missing. My kitchen towels, washcloths, hand towels, glassware, kitchen tools, socks, makeup brushes, pantyhose, tupperware have all been compromised, and I find myself endlessly buying ziplock bags and handsoap by the literal gallon.

8 - Which leads to the DUST. It’s not surprising that dozens of plastic containers and ziplock bags of dirt has produced a lot of dust in the home. When confronted about this, he claims I’m making things up or it’s “not that bad” and I’m being dramatic. I dusted off the TV base the other day thinking it looked dingy. What came off was BLACK.

9 - The balls are affecting our social life and sex life. We still go out as a couple, but not as much. Somehow he manages to mention the balls very minimally in social situations which leads me to believe he knows it’s at least a little weird. That and the lack of hosting has been blamed on busy work schedules and no one has questioned this. But we also have a lot less sex. I always thought we were both HL. But we have sex maybe twice a week now and only when he’s horny. I never initiate any more because I kept getting rejected during his ball making and honestly, I think I’ve lost a lot of attraction to him over this.

10 - He has gained weight. He is still very handsome and in pretty good shape. We are both good looking, fit, attractive people. He still is, I’d just say he’s put on 10 lbs or so of not muscle since Jan. I still go to the gym every day, he goes maye 2x a week at most and he used to be more dedicated than me. It’s not the weight that caused less attraction, it is his total immersion in this bizarre hobby and concern his healthy living habits will continue to decrease.

11 - We went on what should have been an amazing 2 week vacation at the beginning of summer. Every place we went he talked about the flipping dirt and I knew when whatever we looked at he was thinking about the dirt underneath it. I was annoyed from the second we landed. We had underwhelming sex 4 times the entire trip when we should have been doing it 4x a day. I didn’t have 1 orgasm. I don’t think he even noticed. He tried packing dirt in bags in his luggage. I was able to convince him this was illegal and he would be stopped at customs. It was a big fight though, and he still managed to sneak a couple bags back home.

12 - He has inappropriately yelled at our dog when the dog chewed up some of the bags and containers and a few completed balls. They are easily broken open. Maybe don’t keep dirt in our home? How about that?

Which all leads me to crying here for help like an idiot. Attempts to discuss/negotiate this have gone no where. I am told I am dramatic, controlling, overreacting, making a mountain out of a mole hill (which really pisses me off because of the dirt reference) He asked if I thought I was “royalty” and too good to accept his organized supplies. I once joked that we should give balls as our wedding favor, and he looked at me with such anger…or maybe disgust(?) as if I had said something unforgivable. I don’t know where to go from here because he has never been combative, stubborn, or dismissive of me before. Literally this hobby has turned him into someone I don’t know. WTF? The thing is, we got engaged over the holidays of 2018. This all started in Jan 2019. Did he specifically wait until we were fully committed to drop this crazy bomb on me? Will more weird, intrusive hobbies emerge after the wedding (which is scheduled for next March). Or am I the paranoid crazy one? I don’t know, but I hate what our home has become and it breaks my heart to say I’m not sure if I want to marry him any longer. He is the absolute love of my life, but these balls have taken over and I have no idea what to do.

[Bennyonesix1]

Turd, what's going on big fella?

AReflectingGod• 10h
His hobby is soothing something in him. You might want to find out what that may be. In such cases when a person develops a self soothing method they will lash out at and separate from the people trying to stop said soothing. Dont make him choose you or the dirt. You may not like his choice. Look for the underlying cause.

[Bennyonesix1]

Honestly, I just worry about your trespassing to get the pretty dirt Turd.

[Bennyonesix1]

I'm sorry my poasting increases your responsibilities as hall monitor here and take away time from labelling your mudballs.

"4 - I never get any time with him anymore. Or I should say any time we have is me sitting there while he labels his supplies and shines these balls and reads his online forums."

[Turdacious]

Benny hangs out at the Reddit equivalent of the NMMNG forum? Shocking.

[Bennyonesix1]

Turd, this woman loves you and your killing her with mudballing and hall monitoring Irongarm. Pls get a hold of yourself.

[nafod]

I'm not sure that mud is actually mud

[Bennyonesix1]

Jfc turd look at what you've become.

[Turdacious]

What are you doing on a relationship forum anyway? The View showing reruns this week?

[Bennyonesix1]

AReflectingGod• 10h
His hobby is soothing something in him. You might want to find out what that may be. In such cases when a person develops a self soothing method they will lash out at and separate from the people trying to stop said soothing. Dont make him choose you or the dirt. You may not like his choice. Look for the underlying cause.

[Turdacious]

Hey yoooou guuuyyys!