The couch thread

[Holy Cow]

Go have sex but wear a condom the worst sexually transmitted disease out there is fucking pregnancy.

=D> =D> =D>

[Mountebank]

Interesting quote by Coach Sommer yesterday regarding weaklings becoming metcon specialists.

The strength rankings of the top Gaymes competitors are interesting but not surprising. The fuckers are pretty strong, plenty of 500+ DLs, 200+ presses, and 400+ squats. They obviously didn't get there by cultfit, but you certainly won't read that shit.

How about today's gem?

A 535 pound Back Squat is pretty impressive, right? How about when you only weigh 181? That's the almost 3x bodyweight PR touted by Kyle Kasperbauer of CrossFit Omaha, who takes this category.

When pressed for confirmation on this, Kyle's coach Ricky Frausto responded:

"Kyle was a college football player for 5 years and the basis of football strength and conditioning is back squat, bench press, and power clean. He has been doing that from the time he started football in high school until he finished his eligibility in college. Nine years of back squatting, both in the off-season and in-season, will get a person really strong, especially when you are as genetic a freak as Kyle is. I coached him for about 4 of his five years in college and I've seen him squat over 500 pounds for a rep or two and have seen him rep out at least 450. This is a regular site in college weight rooms all over the country. Wait until word reaches these guys that there will be money to be made in CrossFit. So, yes, the weight for his back squat is accurate. We never used to dead-lift at the college level before CrossFit so that is why his dead-lift isn't higher."

GM, don't know if you or others remember this (I couldn't tell by your post), but I brought this guy up as an @F anomaly almost as soon as his Gaymes profile was put up: viewtopic.php?p=395936#p395936

Washed-up football and T&F athletes may have found their postgraduate sports dream in @F...why let all that strength go to waste when they can crush weak metcon addicts?

[Gin Master]

Ah yes. That post sent me google image searching that chick.

It's hard to understand why @Fers haven't connected the dots that the best @F performers are not @Fers.

[WildGorillaMan]

It's hard to understand why @Fers haven't connected the dots that the best @F performers are not @Fers.

Um, I'll take "Stoopid and Gullible" for $800, Alex!

[D'Aquisto]

I'm not really in the loop xfit-hatewise, so excuse my ignorance: is the guy in the plaid shirt Glassman?

Couch's brilliance shows up where you least expect it. The uneducated might assume that was some bowery bum, but insiders know he is always watching in the wings, ready to all crush them in any WOD be it 20% clean slop or dumpster diving for droplets of gin.

[Mountebank]

On the Gillian note, the Gaymes site is rich with pictures for Androgyn Friday. I'm trying to save them...

That workout on the street was 1) actually decently programmed, a lot like a Catalyst WOD, and 2) unbelievable attention-whoring, complete with ass-logo pants (I liked the guy who was walking by shaking his head, like "WTF?").

I just heard from a little birdie that the 9-7-5 Clean & HSPU workout that was used for the attention-whoring video actually WAS a Catalyst WOD from about 1.5 months ago. I had no idea of this when I posted the above, I just really dig Greg Everett's metcon programming (not that I do it, but I feel he has a real gift for it, and I've realized I have to make strength a priority for a looooong time before ever considering putzing around with metcon) and that workout seemed way too smart to be standard @F fare.

Video link to Jolie doing the same workout, I think you guys might enjoy watching this one (she actually looks like a woman, and it was properly done in a gym!).

[JohnnyBadAss]

It's hard to understand why @Fers haven't connected the dots that the best @F performers are not @Fers.

Um, I'll take "Stoopid and Gullible" for $800, Alex!

Actually I think it's $1000 for a cert, but who's counting?

[JimZipCode]

Lol I forget sometimes that some people still have dial-up. Maybe I will look into a smaller boobie GIF.

Ick. What a horrible replacement for the Shay Laren gif.

[WildGorillaMan]

It's hard to understand why @Fers haven't connected the dots that the best @F performers are not @Fers.

Um, I'll take "Stoopid and Gullible" for $800, Alex!

Actually I think it's $1000 for a cert, but who's counting?

Lulz, that occurred to me after I posted it. I hate leaving cheap laughs on the table.

Call it a Limited Time Only offer!

[CultBuster]

2 things i would love to see.

1) a real athlete suiting up for the gaymes to crush them and put an end to the elite bullshit

2) anyone from @fit to list ONE person who used/used @fit as their primary conditioning program and is wirth one shit at anthing beside @fit.

Every ass clown thinks they can do an ultra marathon with 6 hours a wekk of training becuae for $600 Brian MacKenzie told them so. He is a fluke and he ran ultra ultra miles before ever finding @fit. same with Welbourne...found @fit on the downside of his career. Lidell? Never heard him utter the words and have seen hime give props to others. Eva? NOT They parade out dave tate! C'mon, guy is a beast and NEVER did @fit. no one can give a name, all has beens, never beens or aren't doing anything anymore.

[WildGorillaMan]

Some guy on that SFWeekly clusterfuck pointed out that Eva T's alpine career peaked in the 1980's. She retired from alpine in like 1995. So basically her career as a celebrity athlete was in limbo until @fit came along almost a decade later.

If that's not a ringing endorsement for Forging Elite Fitness I don't know what is.

[CultBuster]

This shit is actually pretty good!

http://www.byersgetsdiesel.com/2008/12/ ... nough.html

This is what I call the “CrossFit Enough” mentality. If you’re not swearing and spitting and falling down puking, if you don’t literally kick your clients in the ass, if you can’t train side-by-side with the Green Berets… then you’re not CrossFit Enough. If you’re not suffering at Gym Jones, killing it with Zach Even-Esh or getting yelled at by Coach Rip, then you’re not “forging elite fitness”


I call bullshit.


I’m not even going to get INTO this subject of “elite”. Not today, at least. But I will say that swearing, stripping and expelling bodily fluids does NOT make you “elite”. Training in the same gym as a UFC fighter does NOT make you “more CrossFit” than my Mom, scaling her box jumps at the Nashua YMCA. Vomiting at the end of a workout does NOT make you a “tough guy”. And dropping the f-bomb has absolutely zero, zilch, zip correlation to the effectiveness of your workout program or the quality of your performance.

[mr. snrub]

This shit is actually pretty good!

http://www.byersgetsdiesel.com/2008/12/ ... nough.html

This is what I call the “CrossFit Enough” mentality. If you’re not swearing and spitting and falling down puking, if you don’t literally kick your clients in the ass, if you can’t train side-by-side with the Green Berets… then you’re not CrossFit Enough. If you’re not suffering at Gym Jones, killing it with Zach Even-Esh or getting yelled at by Coach Rip, then you’re not “forging elite fitness”


I call bullshit.


I’m not even going to get INTO this subject of “elite”. Not today, at least. But I will say that swearing, stripping and expelling bodily fluids does NOT make you “elite”. Training in the same gym as a UFC fighter does NOT make you “more CrossFit” than my Mom, scaling her box jumps at the Nashua YMCA. Vomiting at the end of a workout does NOT make you a “tough guy”. And dropping the f-bomb has absolutely zero, zilch, zip correlation to the effectiveness of your workout program or the quality of your performance.

Very cool post, esp some of the comments:

Nice post, Byers.

The referenced comment is the height of stupidity. Some people are more concerned with selling image than fitness. Whatever.

Rip keeps his radio tuned to Deep Tracks (classic rock on XM), requires that everyone be fully clothed, and discourages puking on his floor. Cursing is not the norm, and yelling only happens in support of someone attempting a PR (or if you're squatting with really bad form). Apparently Spider Chick needs to come fix our gym.

I am now offering a CF starter kit for men. $99 will get you some tribal tattoos, some clippers with a #2 guard, death metal CDs (for your youtube contributions), some George Carlin material (so you can speak correctly), board shorts, and several easy-off t-shirts (easy removable within the first 30 seconds of a WOD) with curse words on them. Act now and I'll throw in a razor, so you can remove all that pesky hair from your chest and stomach. Ya gotta have a smooth 6-pack to be doing handstands in public places.

DECEMBER 2, 2008 11:05 AM

Gant - LOL! I'd like to counter offer with a CrossFit starter kit for women. It too will have a resale value of only $99 and will include a teeny sports bra with zero lining (this will let everyone know when the "turkey's done"), a bottle of self tanner, a sweat band, a pair of 1980's Oakley sunglasses, and a copy of "How to swear like a Sailor for dummies". Act now, and I'll include a free tutorial on how to take pictures of yourself with your camera phone in your bathroom mirror.

Great post Melissa. Spider Chick et al seem to be missing the difference btw elite fitness and elitist fitness.

Never even considered that: forging elitist fitness. Nice ring to it.

[TerryB]

LMAO @ those comments!

What did you expect from a washed up, alcoholic nobody such as Couch? Class?

[Mountebank]

The Gaymes site must have all the @Fers wetting their pants...

These guys will keep anyone in the pain management business (conventional and alternative) living comfortably...that is some seriously stupid shit right there, elevating a GHD to make the situp have more extension ROM!!!

[Crust Bucket]

LOL....When I saw that pick above at first, thought someone was doing a back flip.
Fuck em and let all of them get hurt and crippled.

[Anon]

The Gaymes site must have all the @Fers wetting their pants...

These guys will keep anyone in the pain management business (conventional and alternative) living comfortably...that is some seriously stupid shit right there, elevating a GHD to make the situp have more extension ROM!!!

more pain, more gain

[Shafpocalypse Now]

That is good.

I've heard from some folks who've seen Welbourne present that his very unprofessional presentation hurts him.

I like to say 'fuck' a lot in certain conditions, but not when I'm trying to sell a program to some high school coaches.

[Gin Master]

That is good.

I've heard from some folks who've seen Welbourne present that his very unprofessional presentation hurts him.

I like to say 'fuck' a lot in certain conditions, but not when I'm trying to sell a program to some high school coaches.

It's the @F way. From Couch cussing out the ASEP attendees, to Nicole talking about the Zone, @F presenters are required to drop at least 2 F bombs every five minutes. Professionalism is something only the non-elites have to worry about.

[Dunn]

That is good.

I've heard from some folks who've seen Welbourne present that his very unprofessional presentation hurts him.

I like to say 'fuck' a lot in certain conditions, but not when I'm trying to sell a program to some high school coaches.

It's the @F way. From Couch cussing out the ASEP attendees, to Nicole talking about the Zone, @F presenters are required to drop at least 2 F bombs every five minutes. Professionalism is something only the non-elitists have to worry about.

Fixed

[CultBuster]

Why dress like a whore at the gym? i'm sorry box. Can't be comfortbale, can't be functional. I don't get it. Can we have a whorish Thursday as a prequel to andro friday?

hore.jpg (39.14 KiB) Viewed 7096 times

hore2.jpg (136.98 KiB) Viewed 7104 times

Not that I wouldn't mind takeing a swipe at any of them not named Allison, but C'mon!

[TerryB]

Why dress like a whore at the gym?

Attention Whoring 101.

Cert is sold out this weekend.

[POD]

Let's all not forget B-Boi's demonstration of Lynn:
http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/Cros ... nneWOD.mov

That's a truly hardcore workout.

CrossFit training now includes all strongman events:
http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/Cros ... onePre.mov

106 Hanging Flops:
http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/Cros ... ullups.mov
Fast forward to the end for callus-tearing goodness and a hardcore response! Note how he didn't once seem to get his chin actually over the bar. Chin at bar height and chin over the bar are two different things - the second is harder. Of course, if you tried that on a straight bar, you'd end up busting your trachea, but would that be such a bad thing?

[Blaidd Drwg]

CrossFit training now includes all strongman events:
http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/Cros ... onePre.mov

CF'er or no, Orlando is a legit LW SM competitor, very strong. he gets my respect. He' a good example of the value of being lean to get even better at the sport.

[Kraj]

What's the point of videotaping any workout? Unless you're asking for help with your form, why the fuck would anyone want to watch you do rep after rep of anything? Workout videos are like a modern day version of the loading bar from the early internet. You just stare at it and think "Okay, 43% left... 40... 38..." while that little Microsoft paperclip guy dances on your screen. Only now instead of a cartoon paperclip we're staring at a douche in board shorts and instead of dancing he's having a seizure while hanging from a pull-up bar.