Things women say....

[seeahill]

These are actual conversations I've had. Add your own.

IGx women, you can not but agree. Men never say stupid shit.

Let's go:


She: I had sex with my ex-husband last night.
He: I thought you demanded that we have an monogamous relationship.
She: It was his birthday.

She: never call me again.
Three weeks pass
She: why don't you ever call me anymore.
He: you told me to never call you again.
She: that's the way I felt then. What's wrong with you?

[syaigh]

You date psychopaths.

[seeahill]

You date psychopaths.

Things women say.

[tough old man]

"I'm not crazy, my mom had me tested"
"You need to read this pamphlet"
"You werent supposed to be home yet! He would have been gone"

[davidc]

I think its important that you take this quiz from my magazine.

[Kazuya Mishima]

"Ah, ah, ah...go up, go up!!!"

[Brutal Bajan]

Upon me leaving for the gym
"You fucking live at the gym but you don't even look like you workout!"

Upon me proving her wrong and that I wasn't cheating
"I don't care what the truth is, I just care about what I thought and how it made me feel!"

Upon living together and splitting expenses
"You make more than me, so you paying $700 of the rent is the same as me paying $200."

After hitting me in the back of the head with a folding patio chair and me asking her to go spend the night at a friend's
"Fuck that, I'm not going nowhere. Call the cops, we'll see who goes to jail."

Upon seeing what I added to the Netflix queue
"You're such a nerd, all you watch are stupid horror movies. Come watch Twilight with me."

[seeahill]

I think we've all had this one:

She wakes up from a dream that you're cheating. She's pissed at at you all day.

[buckethead]

"My God, it's Huge"

[seeahill]

"My God, you're Huge"

What I mean: in certain cases they may be kidding. Or Ironic.

[Gin Master]

Upon me leaving for the gym
"You fucking live at the gym but you don't even look like you workout!"

Upon me proving her wrong and that I wasn't cheating
"I don't care what the truth is, I just care about what I thought and how it made me feel!"

Upon living together and splitting expenses
"You make more than me, so you paying $700 of the rent is the same as me paying $200."

After hitting me in the back of the head with a folding patio chair and me asking her to go spend the night at a friend's
"Fuck that, I'm not going nowhere. Call the cops, we'll see who goes to jail."

Upon seeing what I added to the Netflix queue
"You're such a nerd, all you watch are stupid horror movies. Come watch Twilight with me."

I'm no relationship expert, but y'all probably don't need to book the chapel just yet.

[baffled]

Upon me leaving for the gym
"You fucking live at the gym but you don't even look like you workout!"

Upon me proving her wrong and that I wasn't cheating
"I don't care what the truth is, I just care about what I thought and how it made me feel!"

Upon living together and splitting expenses
"You make more than me, so you paying $700 of the rent is the same as me paying $200."

After hitting me in the back of the head with a folding patio chair and me asking her to go spend the night at a friend's
"Fuck that, I'm not going nowhere. Call the cops, we'll see who goes to jail."

Upon seeing what I added to the Netflix queue
"You're such a nerd, all you watch are stupid horror movies. Come watch Twilight with me."

Are you the same one who threw up on his girlfriend on St. Patrick's Day?

You need to post in the FSF more.

[The Venerable Bogatir X]

Upon me leaving for the gym
"You fucking live at the gym but you don't even look like you workout!"

Upon me proving her wrong and that I wasn't cheating
"I don't care what the truth is, I just care about what I thought and how it made me feel!"

Upon living together and splitting expenses
"You make more than me, so you paying $700 of the rent is the same as me paying $200."

After hitting me in the back of the head with a folding patio chair and me asking her to go spend the night at a friend's
"Fuck that, I'm not going nowhere. Call the cops, we'll see who goes to jail."

Upon seeing what I added to the Netflix queue
"You're such a nerd, all you watch are stupid horror movies. Come watch Twilight with me."

I'm no relationship expert, but y'all probably don't need to book the chapel just yet.

That's some funny shit right there.

[Thatcher II]

The whole men v women thing is interesting. Men have tempers. We reason, explain our positions and expect a fair hearing and a logical response. What women often give us is psychological war where non-verbal cues tell us they are not listening coupled with strategic silence / tangental argument. Men then lose their cool. Which clouds the initial point we tried to make and we "lose".

One option is to try playing the woman at her own game and be that kind of passive aggressive psychological warrior. But she's better at it cos she's a woman.

Or withdraw from disagreements earlier than you might, so you aren't drawn into losing your cool. Which is unsatisfying.

And that's about it. You're welcome.

[Testiclaw]

"Honey, are you upset about something?"

"No".

"Well, okay. Are you sure? You seem really upset."

"No, I'm fine".

"Okay, well I'm going to go watch th-"

"Actually I'm very upset".

"...okay. About anything in particular? Why didn't you say you were upset when I asked?"

"I want you to do the dishes more often".

"Oh. Sure babe, I can do that. Just ask".

"That's just it! I don't want to have to ask!"

"You don't want to ask?"

"No! Then I feel like I'm forcing you to do something you don't like just to help me".

"Babe, it's okay, I don't think of it that way. Just say whenever you want me to help you do something and I'll do it. I'm totally cool with that".

"Noooooooooooo, you don't get it! I don't just want you to do the dishes".

"But you just said you wanted me to do the dishes?"

"Noooo. I don't want you to do the dishes, I want you to want to do the dishes".

"But why would I want to do the dishes? Why would any body want to do the dishes?"

"GOD I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND"

[Abandoned by Wolves]

"I don't care what the truth is, I just care about what I thought and how it made me feel!"

There was the time when I dated this one woman, and when she went for a year without saying this (or some variation of it), I married her. Best decision I ever made.

[bigpeach]

Wait, wait, wait. You fags actually remember some of the billions of words women use in an average day?

[buckethead]

"What the fuck is this 'White Women' thread?"

[clutch]

I personally love that little donald duck voice followed by the gagging sounds. Who cares what's she's trying to say?

[DrDonkeyLove]

What is said is almost irrelevant. In a kind and engaged way pretend to care while feigning empathy and half of your problems disappear.

[Batboy2/75]

Women are insane and coddled by society. The sooner you realize this, the better you'll be prepared in dealing with them.

All you can do is managed their erratic behavior and not get sucked down into their made up problems.

Your job is to act as a disinterested therapist. Your approach should be the same as a dog handler.

[Blaidd Drwg]

Women are insane. Your job is to act as a disinterested therapist. Your approach should be the same as a dog handler.

This is a successful formula based on application of rule 1. Bitches be crazy.

By the same token, occasionally acting interested will increase compliance and performance. Acting too interested will only exacerbate their insanity.

[Thatcher II]

Women are insane and coddled by society. The sooner you realize this, the better you'll be prepared in dealing with them.

All you can do is managed their erratic behavior and not get sucked down into their made up problems.

Your job is to act as a disinterested therapist. Your approach should be the same as a dog handler.

True knowledges. So true.

[The Ginger Beard Man]

Wait, wait, wait. You fags actually remember some of the billions of words women use in an average day?

Yeah, really. Who the fuck cares what they say? It's all nonsense.

[syaigh]

blah blah blah blah blah blow job blah blah blah blah steak blah blah blah blah