The couch thread

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syaigh
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Re: The couch thread

Post by syaigh »

Quack Attack wrote:
syaigh wrote:
Gary John wrote:Cryptic language
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
What I'm pretty sure Gary is saying is that syaigh's post quoted above (from two pages back) is her own stuff, and couch had nothing to do with it.
I don't know what I was talking about. I'm a silly girl and have fits of hysteria on occasion. ;)

I wonder if Gary is implying that Couch isn't behind the new manifesto. Does he have new lackey ready to replace Castro as his manpon? I wonder where the Gaymes will be this year . . . .
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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sanchezero
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Re: The couch thread

Post by sanchezero »

Paddy O'Furniture wrote:http://media.crossfit.com/cf-video/Game ... l_mens.mov

This just in: 20% slop finds its way to the bench press...

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shit, he just workin' negatives - a tried and true strenf builder...
have you ever been as far as even considered go want to do look more like?
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Gary John
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gary John »

Cultbuster,

OK, I need to do some checking. Damn, my sources should have that and got it to me.

But, shit, then they would have asked me not to post it.

Shaf, thanks for a fun afternoon of entertainment with that link.
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dead man walking
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Re: The couch thread

Post by dead man walking »

syaigh wrote:. I'm a silly girl and have fits of hysteria on occasion. ;)
show us your tits and all will be forgiven . . . assuming they are aesthetically pleasing
Really Big Strong Guy: There are a plethora of psychopaths among us.

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booty_poppin_xfit_bitch
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Re: The couch thread

Post by booty_poppin_xfit_bitch »

http://library.crossfit.com/free/pdf/CF ... chicks.pdf

FUCKING SERIOUSLY...........'go get some sparkle'....everybody wants a "crossfit boy"...

Beyond the Douchebag

CrossFit boys are hot—but it’s more about attitude and determination than appearance.

CrossFit dudes are elite.

Ever hear that saying? Well, it’s true. And here’s why:

Being “hot” has a lot more to it than physical appearance. Plenty of men and boys have all the physical components and gifts of the poster boy but simply “aren’t elite.” And then there are those magnetic ones who might never be an underwear model but are irresistible.

Out With the Current Standards

Presently, manhood is in crisis, from the slump-shouldered office worker with his smith machine squats, or the investment banker with his marathon running emaciation. The mainstream fitness equipment industry capitalizes on this tainted image. They sell weightlifting belts and heart rate monitors. Some men might be saying, “Hey, that’s the only way I can lift!” And I say to them, “It’s ‘all you can lift’ because it’s exactly what everyone has told you that you can for your whole life.”

Popular machines in gyms are yet another disservice. Weight machines that use cables, pivot points or stacks of weights have been to the ruin of realistic fitness. This is the fitness industry’s way of saying, “You are too stupid to learn free-weight exercises, and you definitely can’t learn how to do them safely!” Manufacturers design and sell these machines for profit, exploiting the ignorance of both boys and men. Uneducated personal trainers fertilize this mutation.

If you as a man believe in the pump and burn, you have bought the lie!

Fitness secret: Human bodies—male or douchebag—respond to exercise and training with favorable adaptations.

And at the root of this epidemic is the press and media. As usual, I blame print and video media for putting out what is popular vs. what is right. Supermarket check-out magazines advertise this flawed image of chest and tris, long slow distance regimens, and unrealistic photos of airbrushed abs, chiseled chests and bulging biceps.

Pissed off at me yet?

A New Mentality

It’s not men’s fault. Some men are unfortunately the product of a perpetually twisted mantra. This sinister mainstream message is disguised as something digestible: men are better off doing long, dawdling sessions on the bench press, they should use ridiculous p90x routines sold on late-night television, and they need special equipment for their long slow runs. Lies.

All these factors have grown into a culture filled with denial and want. It’s no wonder many men desire more. They desire to get hotter chicks, get laid more, or both. They want to lift heavier weights and be more independent. Men want to live healthier, more active lives. Some men are also left in a state of denial. They believe certain things are outside their grasp. They never imagine themselves doing anything other than bench press. They deny themselves the confidence to believe their goals are possible or attainable or winnable. Their whole lives, they have heard one thing: “You can only do as much as the guy next to you can.”

CrossFit men have a new fitness mentality that includes squats, deadlifts, thrusters, presses and Olympic lifts.

But not CrossFit dudes.

These men are different. They are defiant, but not the have-a-mind-of-my-own-and-a-personality (well, sometimes they are). They defy this handicapped mantra with one of their own: “I can do it.” They found the courage to use real bars. They defy the chorus of “do a triathalon!” to pump out some burpees. They ignore normal clothing for “your workout is my warmup” tshirts. And they see a world of tits behind barbells instead of just ordinary tits!

CrossFit creates strong, confident men who aren’t afraid to challenge themselves while ogling a woman’s deadlift.

CrossFit dudes swim upstream. Through work capacity and high performance, they battle against all the images of steroid fueled, globo gym forged masculinity that have been implanted since birth. CrossFit dudes possess a confidence, commitment and sense of accomplishment that puts them at the forefront of their gender. They are part of a community that snuffs out the mantra of popular culture—the CrossFit community. Somewhere, each male CrossFitter was introduced to a new, unorthodox philosophy of physical fitness. It’s a model that allows men and boys to face their fears and weaknesses and realize their full pretentious potential. They learn the movements and programming and attitude that put them on the pathway to complete doucheyness. And once these gentlemen get on the path, once their five fingers are on and their paleo kits packed, there is no turning back.

CrossFit dudes refuse rationality and search for the PVC. They embrace mythology for their own sense of heroism. They see a world filled with opportunity rather than obstacles. They search for answers rather than questions. They make plans instead of excuses.

The eliteness seeps though their pores. The resolve shows on their faces. Resilience shines through. These traits are common to all CrossFit dudes. There is an added element of douche in these men.

Confidence Is Sexy

I’m married to a CrossFitter. He was asinine and cocky before his introduction to functional fitness (which was why I married him). Douchebag men don’t have to be CrossFitters. But what comes first: the attitude or the CrossFit? Which is the cause, and which is the effect? Does CrossFit turn shoulder-slumping, hesitant boys into driven men seeking busty lifting videos? Or do secure, positive-minded men simply find themselves at home in the Spartan simplicity of a barbell-laden studio gym?

Maybe the answer is a little of both. Like my husband, I’ve seen previously poised men attracted to CrossFit and kettlebell work for another chance to get better at skills and brag about it. But I’ve also seen pre-CrossFit men who lacked self-confidence and were intimidated by a #45 plate. After functional fitness training, they were strong, able men who now stand tall with pride and assertion. It has been a great reward to see these men dig for the courage to fight the screams of “You’re becoming a douche!” and make the transition.

The rewards of CrossFit are found in more than physical ability and body composition. Men find a narcissistic, reassuring home in CrossFit. The community allows them to think they are whatever they wish to be. Eliteness is more than what is simply captured in a mirror or a workout log. Good looks, attractiveness and sex appeal are found in the souls of men and boys who believe they are better than everyone else.

And that is what makes them HOT.
Last edited by booty_poppin_xfit_bitch on Fri Apr 23, 2010 2:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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WildGorillaMan
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Re: The couch thread

Post by WildGorillaMan »

booty_poppin_xfit_bitch: introduce yourself in the FSF. Also:

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syaigh
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Re: The couch thread

Post by syaigh »

Attila the Hungry wrote:
syaigh wrote:. I'm a silly girl and have fits of hysteria on occasion. ;)
show us your tits and all will be forgiven . . . assuming they are aesthetically pleasing

Are you flirting with me? :happiness:
Miss Piggy wrote:Never eat more than you can lift.

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Fat Cat
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Fat Cat »

Image

:-$
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It is our job to see that it stays there." - George Orwell


dead man walking
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Re: The couch thread

Post by dead man walking »

syaigh wrote:
Attila the Hungry wrote:
syaigh wrote:. I'm a silly girl and have fits of hysteria on occasion. ;)
show us your tits and all will be forgiven . . . assuming they are aesthetically pleasing

Are you flirting with me? :happiness:
post up a titty display and i'll let you know
Really Big Strong Guy: There are a plethora of psychopaths among us.

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Gary John
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gary John »

Got confirmation from two sources that the Glasshole post is for real.
Since I troll x-fit so much, figured it was too good to be true.

Tidbit for the thread:

Lisa Lugo's $150k a year stipend from the gimpmaster is being seriously curtailed. Women can get expensive.
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sanchezero
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Re: The couch thread

Post by sanchezero »

jesus, that's some high dollah pie...

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have you ever been as far as even considered go want to do look more like?
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Thud
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Thud »

Lisa must have been very "affable" in her prime.
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Fat Cat
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Fat Cat »

Short Fat Man wrote:
CultBuster wrote:
"Good Morning, I am announcing a change in management and leadership style at CrossFit Inc. First of all, a very brief history. I am the founder of CrossFit. This company was built on my vision for how the world should and could exercise to greater advantage and effect. CF's success in this regard, and it has been significant, was built from Lauren's wisdom, perseverance, and understanding of my vision. I could not imagine a better more capable business partner than Lauren Glassman. With my good luck this relationship, our collaboration, will continue for the next 75 years!Effective immediately Lauren is stepping down from day-to-day operations of CF Inc while continuing as my most trusted adviser and co-owner of CrossFit Inc. I am, effective immediately, going to be a much more hands-on CEO. My vision for this company has been most ably handled by many, if not most, of you. I want to be included in the operations of every one of our divisions and departments. I want the department heads to set up weekly conference calls with me. Decisions regarding changes or shifts in direction, personnel, or finance are to be cleared with me. There's a lot of "stuff" that goes on at CF Inc that has seemingly been beyond my ken or interest. Be on notice: I'm very interested in everything we do. I'm going to depend on each of you to aid my comprehension and decision making. There will be a "period of adjustment", as business types like to say. During this period, there are likely to be personnel changes, changes in compensation, attitudes, assignment, and direction. If anyone wants off the bus, this would be a great time to speak up. I'm very willing to pull the bus to the curb and let anyone make a graceful exit. Otherwise, we're getting back to work. I'm leading by example here at 0300 on a borrowed computer outside of cell coverage and, frankly, civilization. The infighting that has been, and continues to be, an unacceptable drag coefficient on our efforts, especially mine, is going to end immediately. I'm not interested in "who started it", but in who is engaging in negative, disparaging, contentious interaction. It will, from here forward, be quite easy to get dismissed for starting a fight AND for fighting back. I will not settle for feigned collegiality, cloaked in outward pleasantness, coupled with behind the scenes grousing and sabotage. From here out, easy demeanor, sincere support and engagement, and genuine collegiality are going to take priority over subject matter competence. I am going to have staff both competent and affable/collegial, but competency can be more readily acquired and taught than affability, so I'm filtering for affability - starting now. I promise to do my utmost to support you all, to bring prosperity and success to each of you, to your families, and to CrossFit Inc. I'm not perfect, but I will put your needs and the business's needs ahead of my own to the best of my ability. I will be accessible to each and everyone of you on my Google Voice number: xxx-xxx-xxxx. When I'm out of cell coverage I'll respond via satellite phone or email. I promise to do my best to get back to ANY of you within 24 hours of receiving an email at [email protected] or phone call to the "424" number. I want to bring each and every one of you to our office in Prescott to talk, share, workout, and rest. Start making plans for your visits.

Sincerely, Greg Glassman CEOCrossFit Inc xxx-xxx-xxxx"
So does this mean Couch is out of rehab?
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This is how I read his letter.
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"That rifle on the wall of the labourer's cottage or working class flat is the symbol of democracy.
It is our job to see that it stays there." - George Orwell

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Sassenach
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Sassenach »

@fit Foosball is fast becoming my favorite. Happy Andro Friday bitchos!


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Neandraphuck
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Neandraphuck »

CultBuster wrote:
"Good Morning, I am announcing a change in management and leadership style at CrossFit Inc. First of all, a very brief history. I am the founder of CrossFit. This company was built on my vision for how the world should and could exercise to greater advantage and effect. CF's success in this regard, and it has been significant, was built from Lauren's wisdom, perseverance, and understanding of my vision. I could not imagine a better more capable business partner than Lauren Glassman. With my good luck this relationship, our collaboration, will continue for the next 75 years!Effective immediately Lauren is stepping down from day-to-day operations of CF Inc while continuing as my most trusted adviser and co-owner of CrossFit Inc. I am, effective immediately, going to be a much more hands-on CEO. My vision for this company has been most ably handled by many, if not most, of you. I want to be included in the operations of every one of our divisions and departments. I want the department heads to set up weekly conference calls with me. Decisions regarding changes or shifts in direction, personnel, or finance are to be cleared with me. There's a lot of "stuff" that goes on at CF Inc that has seemingly been beyond my ken or interest. Be on notice: I'm very interested in everything we do. I'm going to depend on each of you to aid my comprehension and decision making. There will be a "period of adjustment", as business types like to say. During this period, there are likely to be personnel changes, changes in compensation, attitudes, assignment, and direction. If anyone wants off the bus, this would be a great time to speak up. I'm very willing to pull the bus to the curb and let anyone make a graceful exit. Otherwise, we're getting back to work. I'm leading by example here at 0300 on a borrowed computer outside of cell coverage and, frankly, civilization. The infighting that has been, and continues to be, an unacceptable drag coefficient on our efforts, especially mine, is going to end immediately. I'm not interested in "who started it", but in who is engaging in negative, disparaging, contentious interaction. It will, from here forward, be quite easy to get dismissed for starting a fight AND for fighting back. I will not settle for feigned collegiality, cloaked in outward pleasantness, coupled with behind the scenes grousing and sabotage. From here out, easy demeanor, sincere support and engagement, and genuine collegiality are going to take priority over subject matter competence. I am going to have staff both competent and affable/collegial, but competency can be more readily acquired and taught than affability, so I'm filtering for affability - starting now. I promise to do my utmost to support you all, to bring prosperity and success to each of you, to your families, and to CrossFit Inc. I'm not perfect, but I will put your needs and the business's needs ahead of my own to the best of my ability. I will be accessible to each and everyone of you on my Google Voice number: xxx-xxx-xxxx. When I'm out of cell coverage I'll respond via satellite phone or email. I promise to do my best to get back to ANY of you within 24 hours of receiving an email at [email protected] or phone call to the "424" number. I want to bring each and every one of you to our office in Prescott to talk, share, workout, and rest. Start making plans for your visits.

Sincerely, Greg Glassman CEOCrossFit Inc xxx-xxx-xxxx"


Didn't Yoda say something about 'all things are connected'? Or was that Buddha? Or Shaf? whatever.

Remember: always post your most private and painful moments on facebook in the middle of the night when hammered:


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Shafpocalypse Now
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Shafpocalypse Now »

Well, let's hope that Eddie and Lisa and their children all come together as a more experienced, wiser family.

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WildGorillaMan
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Re: The couch thread

Post by WildGorillaMan »

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jgmack
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Re: The couch thread

Post by jgmack »

Gorilla boy, I hope that before you die you get laid at least once by a good looking woman (even if you have to pay)

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WildGorillaMan
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Re: The couch thread

Post by WildGorillaMan »

Hi Rant!
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Gin Master
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gin Master »

Gary and I told you about that damn letter and its contents over a month ago. Things are shaping up.

One of @F's recently acquired SMEs wasn't as familiar with the program as Couch might have you believe. He told a friend about some guy named Gary Grassley wanted him to talk to his @Fers.

His buddy corrected him, "You mean Greg Glassman?"

"Oh yeah. Maybe that's it."

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sanchezero
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Re: The couch thread

Post by sanchezero »

i love friday! thanks, monkey.
have you ever been as far as even considered go want to do look more like?
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The Real Rant
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Re: The couch thread

Post by The Real Rant »

jgmack wrote:Gorilla boy, I hope that before you die you get laid at least once by a good looking woman (even if you have to pay)

=D> =D> =D>

I don't know which is worse his posting these he/shes or the praise he gets for doing so. Andro Friday has ruined this forum.

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WildGorillaMan
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Re: The couch thread

Post by WildGorillaMan »

The Real Rant wrote:I can no longer post on the couch thread. I am overwhelmed by the ever rising tide of phaggotry there. Boycott the couch thread.
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Gin Master
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gin Master »

The Real Rant wrote:Image


Gin Master
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Re: The couch thread

Post by Gin Master »

Shafpocalypse Now wrote:Well, let's hope that Eddie and Lisa and their children all come together as a more experienced, wiser family.
That whole thing reminds me of "Indecent Proposal." Hope the $$ was worth it.

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