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Fat Cat wrote:
So yes, Christ was married, and you are his bride.

Fat Cat wrote:So yes, Christ was married, and you are his bride.

Fat Cat wrote:I'm stunned at the Biblical illiteracy of the modern generation that this could be news. Yes, Christ has a wife. His bride is the Church. He says so about 1,007 times throughout the Old and New Testaments (see Isaiah 54, Matthew 25). In the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Orthodox Church it is considered so relevant that three separate services are devoted to this subject during Holy Week. Here is the famous ikon, Christ the Bridegroom.



So yes, Christ was married, and you are his bride.

Archeological researchers in Ridgewood, New Jersey, have discovered an ancient Christian document that offers a radically new account of the founding of the Catholic Church.

The newly discovered document, which scholars have named "The Gospel of Skip and Muffy," was found in an abandoned row house in New Brunswick, New Jersey, which had formerly housed a Rutgers sorority.

Theologians and anthropologists agree that "The Gospel of Skip and Muffy" is likely to cause intense debate among Christians, forcing a complete re-examination of all Catholic teachings.

There is no possible debate, however, about the authenticity of the document. "It was typed on an IBM Selectric II," reported Dr. Ernest Litewaite, an associate professor of Contemporary Archeology at Kutztown State. "Using a Courier 72 10-pitch element." The document is believed to be a copy of an earlier statement, crafted by students at an East Coast private college sometime around 1970.

"The Gospel of Skip and Muffy" is an extended dialogue between two young theologians who take a startling new approach to the faith. The document suggests that young Christians of the 1970s generation did not accept Church teachings on some controversial moral issues.

B.F.D. Zeitgeist, a Professor of Serious Christianity at Dupont University, said that the Gospel of Skip and Muffy will force Christians to re-examine the nature of Church authority. He pointed to one key passage in the manuscript:

"The Church is-- I mean-- it's just a bunch of, like, rules and stuff," said Muffy."Yeah," Skip replied. "I mean, really. Hey, don't let that thing go out."

Ultraconservative Catholic officials may not accept the validity of the new Gospel. Spokespersons for the Newark archdiocese did not immediately return a reporter's phone call. But Msgr. Pius Grümbling, a pastor in Hoboken, replied to queries by saying: "OK, that's right. We do not accept the validity of this document."

But Professor Zeitgeist doubts that Church officials will be able to stop parishioners from raising questions about the new document. He cites "astonishing new insights" such as the one contained in this passage:

"Have you ever thought," said Skip, "that the solar system is just like an atom in this really gigantic alternate universe, and the planets are just, like, electrons spinning around, and the sun is, like, the nucleus?""Wow," said Muffy. "Heavy. And then we'd be, like, just tiny little, like, specks that you can't even see.""Riiight," said Skip, exhaling slowly. "Far out, huh?"

"This document will force Christians to re-examine all of their basic moral principles," said Professor Zeitgeist, "starting with the outmoded and inhumane taboo that prevents teachers from having love affairs with their students."

"Or with reporters," the professor added, smiling. "Would you care for a daiquiri?"

Professor Litewaite said that he had found the manuscript of the Gospel of Skip and Muffy several months ago. "The significance of the discovery was immediately obvious," he said. "But my publicist suggested that I should wait until Holy Week to make it public."

In other news the Gospel of Judas has now been authenticated by the team of Dan Rather and Mary Mapes.

Fat Cat wrote:He says so about 1,007 times throughout the Old and New Testaments (see Isaiah 54, Matthew 25).

Isaiah 54

54 “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.

5 For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

FRKCTL wrote:

Fat Cat wrote:I'm stunned at the Biblical illiteracy of the modern generation that this could be news. Yes, Christ has a wife. His bride is the Church. He says so about 1,007 times throughout the Old and New Testaments (see Isaiah 54, Matthew 25). In the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Orthodox Church it is considered so relevant that three separate services are devoted to this subject during Holy Week. Here is the famous ikon, Christ the Bridegroom.



So yes, Christ was married, and you are his bride.

jesus is in the old testament? that is next level biblical illiteracy. the differences between what the coptics thought about jesus and what the orthodox church teaches are significant.

Terry B. wrote:"No one whose testicles are crushed or whose male organ is cut off shall enter the assembly of the Lord." (Deuteronomy 23:1)

Terry B. wrote:

Fat Cat wrote:He says so about 1,007 times throughout the Old and New Testaments (see Isaiah 54, Matthew 25).

Isaiah 54

54 “Sing, barren woman,
you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.

5 For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

7 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back.

Drew0786 wrote:Jesus said "My wife....don't have one!"
"My wife....better not want sex or kids cause she will get neither from me!"
"My wife...take her please!"
"My wife...is so fat when she sits around the temple she sits around the temple!"
"My wife...is named Judy not Judas!"
"My wife...always says my Dad's name during sex!"
"My wife...is going to nail me to a tree if we don't clean up this mess we made at supper!"

Fat Cat wrote:I'm stunned at the Biblical illiteracy of the modern generation that this could be news. Yes, Christ has a wife. His bride is the Church. He says so about 1,007 times throughout the Old and New Testaments (see Isaiah 54, Matthew 25). In the one, holy, catholic, and apostolic Orthodox Church it is considered so relevant that three separate services are devoted to this subject during Holy Week. Here is the famous ikon, Christ the Bridegroom.



So yes, Christ was married, and you are his bride.