Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Topics without replies are pruned every 365 days. Not moderated.

Moderator: Dux

User avatar

Topic author
Sassenach
ironslinger
Posts: 8453
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:19 am
Location: Snatchville

Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Sassenach »

Stolen from another forum. Laughing my ass off at these and it occurs me you depraved fuckers could probably come up with better.

-When the guy makes more noise than the chick. Or too much noise in general.
-When it takes until 99% of the way through the video for her to even finish stripping.
-20 minutes of interview
-badly acted "plot" (oddly enough, I don't mind "plot" if it's well acted)
-haggard 35-year-olds dressed up as cheerleaders or girl scouts, as if they are fooling anybody
-obviously fake orgasms
-obviously staged "crazy parties"
-anything with a dancing bear in it.
-camera man making excessive use of zoom feature. It's porn. I want to see wtf is going on. Stop trying to get "artsy" with it zooming in on her toes.
-Asians chicks from Chicago adopting extremely bad asian accents.
-when the dude seems excessively lazy.
-20 minute videos that turn out to just be 20 minutes of bj with her clothes on the entire time.

Anal

When the horse doesn't cooperate
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

User avatar

Topic author
Sassenach
ironslinger
Posts: 8453
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:19 am
Location: Snatchville

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Sassenach »

-dude who won't shut the fuck up with the "OH YEAH IM FUCKIN YOUR PUSSY OH YEAH OH YEAH OOOOH YEEAAAAAAH"
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

User avatar

Topic author
Sassenach
ironslinger
Posts: 8453
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:19 am
Location: Snatchville

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Sassenach »

I wish they would show porn bloopers in the end. sometimes i want a laugh after fapping.
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

User avatar

Topic author
Sassenach
ironslinger
Posts: 8453
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:19 am
Location: Snatchville

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Sassenach »

-porn listed as "amatuer" yet the chick can take a 14 inch cock without flinching
-blurred out asian porn
-learn to fucking shave, asians
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

User avatar

Topic author
Sassenach
ironslinger
Posts: 8453
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:19 am
Location: Snatchville

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Sassenach »

-chicks who eyefuck the camera the entire time. DONT YOU LOOK AT ME!!
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

User avatar

Topic author
Sassenach
ironslinger
Posts: 8453
Joined: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:19 am
Location: Snatchville

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Sassenach »

EZ chimes in...
When the chick takes her pants off and has a penis, then you realize that you somehow ended up watching a tranny flick
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.

User avatar

tough old man
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 7537
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 9:43 pm
Location: Hell

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by tough old man »

OOOOHHHHHH! done that.....
"I am the author of my own misfortune, I don't need a ghost writer" - Ian Dury


"Legio mihi nomen est, quia multi sumus."

User avatar

WildGorillaMan
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 9951
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:01 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by WildGorillaMan »

For a "Worst Porn" party (co-ed) where everyone had to bring the worst porn VHS they could find at the video store I brought one that was nothing but bloopers.

It was actually pretty funny.
Image
You'll Hurt Your Back

basically I'm Raoul Duke trying to fit into a Philip K. Dick movie remake.


Blaidd Drwg
Lifetime IGer
Posts: 19098
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2006 5:39 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Blaidd Drwg »

squirting videos....splashy, yes...piss geyser? C'mon that's just lame.
"He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that." JS Mill

User avatar

Kenny X
Sgt. Major
Posts: 2712
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 4:00 pm
Location: Down on the bayou.

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Kenny X »

I always hated the "ass and balls shot" .. you know, where it's the dude's ass crack and nuts while he's drilling the chick. Hate that. Totally unnecessary.

As for bloopers, there's always PornFail ;-)

http://www.pornfail.com

Image

User avatar

buckethead
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 6638
Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 6:25 pm
Location: The Rockies

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by buckethead »

I hate the two guys/one girl videos when the girl never shows up. At least not by the time I'm done

User avatar

seeahill
Font of All Wisdom, God Damn it
Posts: 7842
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 6:07 pm
Location: The Deep Blue Sea

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by seeahill »

When the guy pulls out and starts stroking preparatory to the money shot. And it takes, oh, a month or two of watching this guy stroke...
Image

User avatar

Turdacious
Lifetime IGer
Posts: 21247
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:54 am
Location: Upon the eternal throne of the great Republic of Turdistan

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Turdacious »

Jezebel Jones wrote:
Anal

When the horse doesn't cooperate
The guy complaining must be from the state of Washington.
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule


Protobuilder
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 5038
Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:51 am

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Protobuilder »

The word "porno" needs to be eliminated. Porn simply sounds better.
WildGorillaMan wrote:Enthusiasm combined with no skill whatsoever can sometimes carry the day.


Protobuilder
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 5038
Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:51 am

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Protobuilder »

When the couple starts and the next instant her clothes are off and they are hanging from the ceiling fan with a donkey and another guy in the room - I want to see how things arrived at that moment.
WildGorillaMan wrote:Enthusiasm combined with no skill whatsoever can sometimes carry the day.

User avatar

DARTH
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 8427
Joined: Mon Mar 21, 2005 7:42 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by DARTH »

Back in 2002 I worked with a buddy, Nuk'em who had before hand worked at a local Porn chain.

We had this 18 year old black laborer, great kid, hard worker and almost Boyscoutish.

But anyways for some reason he tells my Buddy that his girl wants him to get a Porn video and watch it together.

So buddy gives the kid a porn vid as he kept a trunk full of porn films.

Next day kid comes "Fuck you man! That was fucked up."

I say to the kid "What's the matter, did Nuk'em give you a bad vid?

"We put it in and the next thing I know there is this white chick surround by like 12 fucking black dudes jerking off!"

Nuk'em "What?! What?! I thought they'd be down with that.

Everyone, me, the mexicans even the kid lost it.




"God forbid we tell the savages to go fuck themselves." Batboy

User avatar

bigpeach
Buttnugget McTwistynutz
Posts: 8360
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2005 2:12 pm
Location: Suburb of Funky Town

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by bigpeach »

Lack of midgets and BBWs.
Skin tags in the genital area.
Painless anal.
Phony pick-up scenarios.
Real Thai and Filipina hookers being fucked by a 70 year old dude. Waste of a good hooker.
Image


Thatcher II
Top
Posts: 1706
Joined: Sun Jun 19, 2011 10:02 am

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Thatcher II »

The acting on many British soaps is so bad you would think you're watching a porno. I bet some poor American sap got hold of an "Emmerdale Farm" tape at some point and spent 30 minutes "waiting for the action".
It's great to be first at last

User avatar

Turdacious
Lifetime IGer
Posts: 21247
Joined: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:54 am
Location: Upon the eternal throne of the great Republic of Turdistan

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Turdacious »

Gorbachev wrote:The acting on many British soaps is so bad you would think you're watching a porno. I bet some poor American sap got hold of an "Emmerdale Farm" tape at some point and spent 30 minutes "waiting for the action".
You watch soaps?

Explains a lot.
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule


Protobuilder
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 5038
Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2007 11:51 am

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Protobuilder »

Gorbachev wrote:"Emmerdale Farm"
Not going to fall for it and even consider googling that.
WildGorillaMan wrote:Enthusiasm combined with no skill whatsoever can sometimes carry the day.

User avatar

Bobby
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 5552
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 7:41 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Bobby »

Terry B:Emmerdale farm is called "Hem till gården" in swedish.See,you learnt something new today and free as well!
You`ll toughen up.Unless you have a serious medical condition commonly refered to as
"being a pussy".

User avatar

WildGorillaMan
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 9951
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2009 9:01 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by WildGorillaMan »

Dr. Agkistrodon wrote: As for bloopers, there's always PornFail ;-)

http://www.pornfail.com
You fool, you've doomed us all.
Image
You'll Hurt Your Back

basically I'm Raoul Duke trying to fit into a Philip K. Dick movie remake.

User avatar

Kenny X
Sgt. Major
Posts: 2712
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2011 4:00 pm
Location: Down on the bayou.

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Kenny X »

WildGorillaMan wrote:
Dr. Agkistrodon wrote: As for bloopers, there's always PornFail ;-)

http://www.pornfail.com
You fool, you've doomed us all.
:supz:


Shapecharge
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 8498
Joined: Tue Jan 04, 2005 11:59 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by Shapecharge »

The website that Dr. Ag posted is hilarious. Some of the comments are pure gold.


TerryB
Sergeant Commanding
Posts: 9697
Joined: Fri Jun 06, 2008 1:17 pm

Re: Things That Annoy You In Pornos

Post by TerryB »

many of these films have men that appear to have larger units than myself

this is annoying
"Know that! & Know it deep you fucking loser!"

Image

Post Reply