Stolen from another forum. Laughing my ass off at these and it occurs me you depraved fuckers could probably come up with better.
-When the guy makes more noise than the chick. Or too much noise in general.
-When it takes until 99% of the way through the video for her to even finish stripping.
-20 minutes of interview
-badly acted "plot" (oddly enough, I don't mind "plot" if it's well acted)
-haggard 35-year-olds dressed up as cheerleaders or girl scouts, as if they are fooling anybody
-obviously fake orgasms
-obviously staged "crazy parties"
-anything with a dancing bear in it.
-camera man making excessive use of zoom feature. It's porn. I want to see wtf is going on. Stop trying to get "artsy" with it zooming in on her toes.
-Asians chicks from Chicago adopting extremely bad asian accents.
-when the dude seems excessively lazy.
-20 minute videos that turn out to just be 20 minutes of bj with her clothes on the entire time.
Anal
When the horse doesn't cooperate
Kazuya Mishima wrote:they can pry the bacon from my cold dead hand.
For a "Worst Porn" party (co-ed) where everyone had to bring the worst porn VHS they could find at the video store I brought one that was nothing but bloopers.
I always hated the "ass and balls shot" .. you know, where it's the dude's ass crack and nuts while he's drilling the chick. Hate that. Totally unnecessary.
When the couple starts and the next instant her clothes are off and they are hanging from the ceiling fan with a donkey and another guy in the room - I want to see how things arrived at that moment.
WildGorillaMan wrote:Enthusiasm combined with no skill whatsoever can sometimes carry the day.
Lack of midgets and BBWs.
Skin tags in the genital area.
Painless anal.
Phony pick-up scenarios.
Real Thai and Filipina hookers being fucked by a 70 year old dude. Waste of a good hooker.
The acting on many British soaps is so bad you would think you're watching a porno. I bet some poor American sap got hold of an "Emmerdale Farm" tape at some point and spent 30 minutes "waiting for the action".
Gorbachev wrote:The acting on many British soaps is so bad you would think you're watching a porno. I bet some poor American sap got hold of an "Emmerdale Farm" tape at some point and spent 30 minutes "waiting for the action".
You watch soaps?
Explains a lot.
"Liberalism is arbitrarily selective in its choice of whose dignity to champion." Adrian Vermeule
