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As some of you know, we are expecting our son in October. While I am strangely not nervous about it, I am curious as to what nugget worthy stuff you wish you had known when you were in my shoes. It can pertain to the kid or to my wife and I.

Regale me with the knowledgez, please.

Don't drop him.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Breastfeeding for sure. You'll sleep much better, since there is little you can do to help.

Asshole & nipple maintenance - not just for yourself of coarse.
A kid with diaper rash or a woman with a cracked nipple is misery.

Don't believe the hype.

Breastfeeding + Family Bed = better sleep for everyone, IME.

And I second the advice that everyone (or at least Mom) naps when baby naps.

Don't waste money on a lot of newborn clothes. They'll fit for a week. And friends or family will probably throw a ton of them at you anyway.
I refused to bother with shoes until attempts to walk started. They are usually badly made, fit poorly, and may do harm to tiny baby feet anyway.

If your baby likes to be swaddled, you can jury rig a swaddler using your t shirt at need.

True...don't bother to buy clothes for kids under 5...They will simply accrue, it's the strangest thing.

All good advices so far.

The newborn phase is great because you can park them somewhere and you know they won't go anywhere.

That phase doesn't last long at all.

Once they start moving and exploring their world never underestimate them.

Never think "Oh, they'll never get into that."

Never think "Oh, they'll never get that open."

Never think "Oh, they'll never get up there."

You will be wrong.

Ask for help before you need it.
Accept all offers of food.
If you have parents who can come over and do laundry and/or hold the baby while you take a shower, let them.
Accept that your life is going to change desperately as it should.
Give your wife some serious flexibility in figuring out the whole mom/recovering-from-childbirth/breastfeeding thing. Its hard.

And this especially: New parents can be profoundly competitive. You'll meet a lot of people (or discover that people you already knew) are extremely opinionated about all things baby and how the way they raise their kids is the only way. These people are assholes. Avoid them. It is, in reality, the response to being overjoyed that they haven't totally fucked things up just yet.

Blaidd Drwg wrote:Don't believe the hype.

That's pretty solid. When I look back, the times I was most freaked out and tired and all that shit=the times I was standing around talking to other parents about it. It's a big change for sure, but you inhabit it pretty quickly and then you just keep going.

Make lots of memories and just be there. It'll fall into place. Best wishes to you all.

Dunn wrote:As some of you know, we are expecting our son in October. While I am strangely not nervous about it, I am curious as to what nugget worthy stuff you wish you had known when you were in my shoes. It can pertain to the kid or to my wife and I.

Hey, congrats. Mine is almost 8 weeks old, and my brother has a 2.5 week old, so I'm seeing/remembering stuff that happened early on.

Take care of your wife. Her daytime instinct after getting home from the hospital will be to try and get some shit done around the house while the baby sleeps. This will lead to more sleep deprivation and therefore suffering. Make her sleep.

Anything you can learn ahead of time on handling the first couple weeks will be useful, because you will be a zombie the first few days/weeks. Some hospitals do half-day "new dad bootcamps" and shit. I thought this was dumb, then I needed to figure shit out like swaddling after being awake for the better part of 3 days. You'll be fine either way, and you will forget the fatigue, but it will be very real while you're going through it.

Prepare/freeze food ahead of time.

If she is breastfeeding, and you are working, you should sleep at night. You need one functional human for operating cars and thinking tasks. Infant care is inherently unfair and harder on moms. You are better able to support her if you're sharpish.

Amazon Prime will send you diapers and wipes and shit on a schedule that you require them, at a decent discount if you subscribe. Useful to look at.

People will give you unsolicited advice. Meh.

Grandpa's Spells wrote:
People will give you unsolicited advice. Meh.

Super true. Think of the type of advice you'd take from someone on what to name a dog, or what tattoo you want...yeah..About Zero. That's precisely the type of advice you'll get on parenting...people outsourcing their anxiety about having fucked up their own choices. Prepare for avalanches of humblebragging and one upsmanship.

OTOH...consider accepting the FACT: Your kid is the greatest most lovable thing that has ever resulted from evolutionary biology...go ahead in revel in that...I think it's good for you to wallow in the oxytocin.

Grandpa's Spells wrote:
Amazon Prime will send you diapers and wipes and shit on a schedule that you require them, at a decent discount if you subscribe. Useful to look at.

There is (or at least was) something called "Amazon Mom". It was great.

Find your own way. Everyone has an opinion. In the end, most paths lead to the same place. Find what works for you and your "wife."

Nobody co-sleeps but everybody co-sleeps, and it's fantastic as long as you don't accidentally the baby. Read up on preventing SIDS (no heavy blankets, a ceiling fan helps), etc. and you'll be OK.

Touch releases chemicals that help them develop. Stimulation from mom & dad is worth a lot more than stimulation from external objects from the store.

Nobody thinks letting an adult cry out their frustration or wait out their depression is a good solution. Not sure why it is considered a good solution for a baby, but that's what people will tell you to do. "Let them cry it out!" What happens is, they cry and cry and cry, don't get their needs fulfilled, and give up. Fantastic. Instead, figure out if it's something easy to fix (diaper, hunger), or work with them physically, touch, breath, massage, warm water, whatever, to soothe them. If you're getting too frustrated, get help or set them down and get your shit together.

Buy a baby carrier that fits you. When the kid is old enough to hold up his or her head, you can go anywhere and do anything you want with the kid strapped to you, including Crossfit.

Chicks love a guy with a baby.

chi wrote:Chicks love a guy with a baby.

So true. I remember the exact moment I discovered this truth. Too late of coarse.

Thanks guys. I appreciate the words.

chi wrote:Chicks love a guy with a baby.

My wife has already commented on this fact combined with my own blend of pikey charm will make me damn near irresistible. The threats have already been made by her.

Grandpa's Spells wrote:

Dunn wrote:As some of you know, we are expecting our son in October. While I am strangely not nervous about it, I am curious as to what nugget worthy stuff you wish you had known when you were in my shoes. It can pertain to the kid or to my wife and I.

Hey, congrats. Mine is almost 8 weeks old, and my brother has a 2.5 week old, so I'm seeing/remembering stuff that happened early on.

Take care of your wife. Her daytime instinct after getting home from the hospital will be to try and get some shit done around the house while the baby sleeps. This will lead to more sleep deprivation and therefore suffering. Make her sleep.

Anything you can learn ahead of time on handling the first couple weeks will be useful, because you will be a zombie the first few days/weeks. Some hospitals do half-day "new dad bootcamps" and shit. I thought this was dumb, then I needed to figure shit out like swaddling after being awake for the better part of 3 days. You'll be fine either way, and you will forget the fatigue, but it will be very real while you're going through it.

Prepare/freeze food ahead of time.

If she is breastfeeding, and you are working, you should sleep at night. You need one functional human for operating cars and thinking tasks. Infant care is inherently unfair and harder on moms. You are better able to support her if you're sharpish.

Amazon Prime will send you diapers and wipes and shit on a schedule that you require them, at a decent discount if you subscribe. Useful to look at.

People will give you unsolicited advice. Meh.

Thanks. Congrats to you and your wife as well.

If you deploy while she still is still struggling with an infant, she will kill you sooner or later.

Enjoy your son, spend all the time you can and try not to stress too much. Before you can say 'whatthefuckjusthappened' this cute baby boy will be a pain in the ass teenager. Lot of parents over stress the baby part trying to be perfect and you'll end up missing a lot of it. They really do grow up so fast it is amazing. Also, in the beginning when it seems so hard and difficult, it really is as easy as it's going to get, so again try to chill. Congratulations and best of luck.

Pretty much everything with babies can be filed under "this too shall pass," but that includes the good stuff too - so watch them sleep at least once.

You won't sleep for the first three months, accept this.
Buy infant gas drops, use them. (h/t syaigh)
Use a baby wrap.
I'd be leery of "family" bed with a newborn, but definitely put the bassinet next to the bed.
Your wife will feel like she's never going to be clean again because the first month is nothing but getting spit and shit on and she's going to sweat like a pig while her hormones rebalance.

+1 on infant gas drops
Sleep Sack ftw

Congrats and enjoy.

My biggest piece of advice is to have patience with your wife. Her hormones will still be raging for another 3-4 months. She'll be exhausted, not feel great about herself. Spoil her, it will pay off in the long run.

I knew an asshole who slept in the other room when his wife had a kid. Needless to say they're no longer married.